Greetings, internet citizens, it is I, @Scaachi, taking over BuzzFeed News' Twitter account for tonight's debate. What could possibly go wrong!??!! I am currently waiting for my green card so this, I'm sure, can only help.
What should we expect in tonight's debate? Well first, let's look at the candidates' stats:
IN THE RED CORNER, DONALD "SEVEN FIFTY" TRUMP
Height: 6'3
Age: 74
Hair: Technically in existence
IN THE BLUE CORNER, JOE "SETTLE FOR ME" BIDEN
Height: 6'0
Age: 77
Folksiness: Exhausting
What are you drinking while you watch tonight's debate?
ALRIIIIGHT, LET'S GET READY TO PABLUUUUUUUM 🥊 🥊 🥊
Just two cool dudes definitely making sense. I understand what is going on here. This is fun and I am having fun. #Debates2020
I mean, I think I speak for most women when I say that if there's anyone I want talking about abortion access, it's Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
wait what was the question?
What if instead of paying a moderator (expensive, complicated logistically) they just put a bag of flour on a chair (easy to carry, still white)?
Good news, you've survived a third of this. It's just like running a marathon: you gotta pace yourself, breathe deeply, eat energy gels, throw up maybe, I don't know, I've never run a marathon.
Who is a better moderator?
??????
Listen, there's only 40 minutes left of this. And then like, another month. And then the rest of your life. Just gotta tough it out for the rest of your goddamn life.
You know what definitely stops the president from interrupting people? Calling him sir. Works every time. Dunked! Roasted! This is the resistance!!!
They're right, we should watch Law & Order instead.
Did we, as a community, give bath salts a fair shake? Something to consider as we wind this down.
Instead of either of these men, I think the American people should vote for raccoons to be president. My case:
1. They have people hands
2. Probably good at foreign policy
3. Can open reinforced garbage cans
4. Do not know what a Proud Boy is
5. Good at social distancing
6. Fuzzy
Who won the debate
That debate was not great! Which, coincidentally, is the name of my podcast, NOT GREAT with @Scaachi. If you enjoyed these tweets, go subscribe to it. If you did not enjoy these tweets, I suggest you contact @elamin88 with your complaints. lnk.to/notgreatpod
Goodnight.
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