Bismillah. Thread on Parenting and Prohibitions.
(1) Parenting stages differ
The pre-rational stage requires fostering feelings of safety, unconditional love, and security in consistent behavior and boundaries.
Fulfilling needs. Physical closeness. Patience. Gentleness.
(2) Primary rational stage requires a strong focus on developing attitudes in a non-judgmental way
Fostering positive attitudes toward the universally good & pure and negative associations toward the universally evil.
Preserving the purity of the innate disposition is key
(3) Second rational phase marks discernment.
Parents should begin teaching critical moral thinking.
Parental warmth coupled with simple explanation establishes parents as a moral reference.
Shaming produces cowardice
Gentleness produces dignity
Honesty produces honesty
(4) In the social stage, children form more influential peer bonds
Parents should honor their kid’s friends out of love & support.
This teaches that love & friendship is about the mutual expression of beautiful character traits
They’ll also realize who isn’t a true friend...
(5) Teenage years. If parents have done their job previous to this phase, then the transition to adulthood is usually not marked by rebellion, because integrity has already been built into the parent- child relationship. This stage is critical in teaching decision-making skills
(6) Young-adult.
Ideally, the natural process of healthy emotional, rational, and spiritual development has taken its course. Parents don’t produce this. Allah created us this way - “in the best of forms”
في أحسن تقويم
Parents are merely custodians of this process
Core problems that arise before the young-adult stage?
(a) parenting for the wrong stage
(b) disciplining without fostering emotional connection
(c) being involved only when problems arise, then creating the false impression that the problem is with the child
worst of all...
...admitting negative influences - at any stage - without training the proper rules of usage
The world is filled with junk. If we don’t teach kids how to filter, we are responsible for throwing their pure hearts into the garbage.
The internet is the world’s largest landfill.
Religious upbringing?
Not prohibitions. Principles. Small ones need limits. Young ones need to understand. Older ones need a friend. Adults need a criterion.
Learning to make taqwa-based decisions is a lived reality, but not an exact science. Habits are just the beginning..
The greatest Mercy you can show your child is to put their footsteps on the road to Paradise.
Problem is, those steps go through dunya.
Prepare their hearts for Paradise and their feet for mud.
If you let them fall in quicksand, its your fault, not theirs.
Allah protect.
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