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Adventure and Tradition. Writing a comedic novel.

Feb 18, 2021, 30 tweets

Black history in America didn’t start in 1619, it started in 1502 with black catholics coming to the new world as conquistadors! A thread on the conquerors and adventurers you don’t know about, why society hides this chapter of history, and how identity is messy. THREAD:

Black conquistadors were a minority, but the Spanish sought to include them in their conquests. The Spanish, who fought against black slaves in muslim armies, believed that Africans were natural warriors. Both Spain and Islamic armies used blacks in the Reconquista wars.

The average black conquistador began his career in his 30s as an enslaved prisoner of war. Almost all the black conquistadors became free, with most being freed soon after arriving to the new world or shortly after fighting alongside the Spanish.

Born in Kongo in 1480, Juan Garrido traveled to Portugal, where he converted to Catholicism. He took up the name Juan Garrido (Handsome John) after baptism and traveled to the new world in 1502 as the protégé of Pedro Garrido (Handsome Peter).

From 1508-1519 Garrido helped conquer Puerto Rico, Cuba, Guadalupe, and Dominica. In 1513, searching for a treasure island, he discovered Florida, only to be chased off by armed Indians.

In 1519, Garrido, now a veteran adventurer, was recruited by Hernán Cortés where they destroyed the blood thirsty Aztec empire in the epic siege of Tenochtitlan. Garrido was heart broken by the friends he lost in this adventure, and built a chapel to memorialize them.

The treasure Garrido earned from adventures gave him the good life. He had an estate in Mexico city where he was tended to by African and Indian slaves. On his farm he planted wheat, making him the first person to grow wheat in the new world!

Garrido couldnt resist another adventure, and his exploits continued with another invasion of Florida (lost again), taking his slaves on a gold mining expedition to Zacatula, and joining Cortes again on an expedition to Baja California (half the party was black). He died in 1547.

There were others like Garido. Take the explorer Esteban. A black slave from Morocco, Esteban converted to Catholicism and traveled to the new world with his master in 1527 in an expedition to conquer Florida. They landed north of Tampa, but soon things went wrong.

Finding no cities of gold, the 400 conquistadors only found swamps and hostile natives. Being pursued by Apalachee Indians, the 50 surviving adventurers lost contact with their ships. Their plan: lash together rafts, and follow the coast from Florida until they hit Mexico.

Dying from starvation and thirst, they drift with the current until they reached the Mississippi river, but its strong current blew some of the rafts out to sea. Only 15 survived, including Esteban and his master, Andres. They eventually found a tribe of friendly Indians in Texas

They continue from Texas but get captured by an evil Coahuilteca tribe, and most of the party is killed. Now Esteban, his master Andre, and another survivor are slaves together, doing hard labor for their brutal masters. After 3 years of slavery they manage to escape.

Esteban is very smart, and learns the Indian language during his captivity. The party travels through Texas and northern Mexico. Indians love Esteban and consider him to be a powerful medicine man. Also the whole time heading south, he is slinging dick and banging native hotties.

Eventually they arrive in Mexico City, their 8 year odyssey had come to an end. Esteban’s adventures continued. He heard the Sonora Mountains contained precious stones and joined an expedition north to find them, revisiting friendly Indian tribes on the way/slinging dick.

Word of his banging of Indian baddies got around. Eventually Esteban discovers New Mexico, and becomes the first Old Worlder to enter it. The native Zuni inhabitants, knowing Esteban’s reputation for the ladies, killed Esteban as he tried to enter their city.

Esteban’s death meant that he never got credit for discovering New Mexico. Maybe people don’t want to recognize him because he was a slave. But does a legal status take away from the man’s accomplishments or his epic adventures?

Esteban may have been a slave, but when he was out alone in the unknown exploring America, romancing natives, seeking gold, he lived life with a degree of freedom that the modern “free” American man will never know.

When you start digging into this topic, there are so many exciting adventures to be told. Another black slave who became an explorer was Nuflo de Olano he traveled with Balboa to Panama.

Olano and Balboa were the first 2 men from the Old World to see the Pacific Ocean. While exploring Panama, Balboa discovered a tribe of black people already living in Panama! People at the time speculated they were shipwrecked Ethiopian(?!) pirates. What a story that must be!

Juan Garcia was recruited to join Pizarro’s expedition to Peru. He helped defeat the Incans at Battle of Cajamarca. With Peru captured, he took his bars of gold and silver, his Incan slave woman, and illegitimate daughter back with him to Spain where he retired.


One story I love is of Juan Bardales, a black conquistador who fought in Honduras. He petitioned Spain for a royal pension, arguing that he not only saved a Spanish captain's life, but also took *106* arrow wounds during his time campaigning in Honduras!

Finally there is the LEGENDARY AZTEC KILLER Francisco de Eguia. Most lethal conquistador of all time. How did he kill so many? He introduced smallpox to Mexico, which wound up killing him. He was patient zero for the disease that devastated and transformed the Americas.

These are all fascinating stories. So why are you only hearing about them now by a twitter anon? It’s probably because these stories contradict the narratives pushed on us.

Blacks are supposed to be victims. Finding out that they too conquered the Americas, befriended and fought alongside white people, and took slaves... investigating such ideas would lead to (god forbid) people viewing history contextually and with nuance.

People might learn that slavery in the 1500s was widespread. Africans raided Europe and enslaved whites. Indians took slaves. Whites took slaves. Everyone was enslaving each other, given the opportunity. It’s how war was conducted.


Unfortunately, there is a lot we don’t know about black conquistadors. They didn’t write a lot of their own history, as most were illiterate. They also didn’t establish themselves in colonial society, and instead pursued subsequent adventures throughout the new world.

So why aren’t these men highlighted on black history month? Instead of the adversarial white vs. black motif, these free men went on adventures with whites, explored continents, fought demon worshippers, & got ancient treasures, it was the real world equivalent of a D&D adventure


While white history focuses on the warrior leader, black history month promotes inventors, sports stars, entertainers, civil rights leaders... safe people who fit nicely into capitalistic mass democracy. It’s important to see who they aren’t highlighting, and ask yourself why.

The modern world thinks it’s empowering to have black people play white characters. Isn’t it more empowering to actually show real stories of real black people who led interesting lives? A movie on one of these real adventurers would be better than making Indiana Jones black.


History is fascinating and, upon investigation, rarely plays out in the way our political class wants it to. Heroism is exciting regardless of skin color, and if given the chance people would rather watch these stories, than stories of trauma and victimhood.

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