Thread by @DrAaronNew

I am glad for helpers of all stripes who are committing to serving victims of domestic violence.

But I came across this the other day. And I have some questions.

Let's start with this one: Why can't we get past the headline before reading about DV victims being "tempted?" Temptation leads to sin - and so from the very beginning of the article, we are getting echoes of victim-blaming. If she doesn't seek help, it's probably her fault.

Does this seem off? We are already looking to understand the "controlling husband." And is it a deflection to talk about "the anger in the household" rather than, say, "the severe and uncontrolled anger of her husband" instead?

And what about this? Of course Scripture is relevant and authoritative where it speaks to issues of DV. But to claim it is our "best resource" is to raise the question: It is the best resource *for what?*

In any case, I'm glad for the call for churches being more aware of DV.

Yes, more Christians should open more of their homes to victims of DV.

But do we have to cause suspicion of DV shelters? Apparently those aren't to be celebrated because maybe victims will go and who knows what might happen if they don't get "biblical counseling" there?

OK, look, this article claims to be about helping victims of DV. But look at this list. The best way to do this is to talk about how anger destroys *marriages* (rather than *people*) and HOW THE VICTIMS CAN HELP THEIR HUSBANDS?

Really???

This is ACBC wisdom? When addressing the anger involved in DV, the best place to start is by addressing the anger of *the victim* first??

I see the disclaimer about not blaming the victim. But those words sure ring hollow to me in light of everything else said in this paragraph.

And then it gets WORSE. Because now the victim has a "root of bitterness" and probably need some Bible verses about not being bitter.

Let this sink in.... after making sure your counselee is safe, the FIRST STEP is to ask how she is responding to her abuser's anger and ask if the is making it worse.

This is making my head explode.

Apparently, the next step is to cover a multitude of sins with love and patience and overlooking offenses.

And apparently the third step is to forgive. Forgive their husbands' "little moments" and not talk bad about them. Also, probably iron his shirts while praying about the abuse??

Only after the wife has removed the log in her own eye and dealt with her own anger first is she ready to deal with her abusive husband.

No empathy or validation of an anger response to abuse and injustice. Just, you know, don't let her be like Jonah, ok??

The last step is to help the wife help the husband. By confronting him with is his and then by bearing the burden. She is to come alongside her husband. "Her job as a wife is to help her husband."

It is *her job* to not allow him to keep living in rage??

I'm just going to leave this here. Unbelievable.

The wife needs to follow a Matthew 18 process. And then maybe, just maybe, we can call in others. Friends, elders, the police. Maybe.

Victims of DV might be hesitant to talk to a biblical counselor. But it will help if you say "I'm going to walk with you through this. WE WANT TO RESTORE YOUR HUSBAND."

??????

She may not know what to do. But also, she may just really like complaining about her situation and getting attention.

Fear is a legit reason that victims don't seek help. But can we please not frame it as being "irrational?"

After correctly identifying a list of reasons why victims of abuse are fearful and anxious and ashamed and more, we get this. I'm glad for the instructions to be sensitive. But in the end, the victim needs to just bolster herself more and trust God more??

Next comes an explanation of how Abigail (in 1 Samuel 25) can serve as a model for victims of abuse, with a focus on being submissive and wise.

The article closes with some other Scripture passages that are supposed to be helpful to the abuse victim.
Be a living sacrifice.
Don't get stirred up.
Rest in God.
Delight yourself in the Lord.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.

And then - I'm not kidding - the article ends with this. Abuse victims need to remember that deliverance may not look like they want. But they can grow in understanding and they can learn the lesson God is teaching them.

I'm just dumbfounded by this whole thing.

There *are* a handful of helpful suggestions in the article. But on the whole, this seems quite unhelpful and reckless. Dangerous, even.

If this is the ACBC model for "helping women who face domestic abuse," it is a good reason to steer clear of the ACBC.

Update: Someone pointed out that the ACBC made a subtle change to the article. For reasons unknown to me, they scrubbed the subtitle. See for yourself.

(They also deleted the tweet promoting this article. But it is still available on their website.)

I don't think this helps. In fact, this may make things even worse, if that's possible. Here are two reasons why.

1) It isn't being honest. Erasing the subtitle seems to be an implicit acknowledgement that the article's approach to "domestic abuse" is/was problematic.

But I cannot find any justification or explanation or apology anywhere. This seems to be an attempt to quietly sweep a mistake under the rug rather than confront it, apologize for it, and make amends for it as needed.

If the article is a problematic take on domestic abuse, they should own it and fix it beyond just scrubbing the subtitle.

2) It is now even more confusing. The rest of the article is exactly the same, best I can tell. Nothing else is changed. It clearly addresses domestic abuse (by this and other terms) throughout the article. The original subtitle at least made it clear this was the intent.

Now we have an article that at first glance is about “angry spouses.” And without any clear guidance on how to differentiate anger from abuse, the reader is left with the conclusion that the ACBC sees very little difference between the two.

Abuse and anger are treated rather synonymously in the article, it seems to me.

But please know this: abuse is not just about an “angry spouse.”

So I say again: if this is the ACBC approach domestic abuse, it is a good reason to steer clear of the ACBC.