デビル零@devilrei.bsky.social Profile picture
レゲー姉。Freelance games writer (PSBlog GameSpot etc.)VF (Vanessa)/Sega/Taito (RAIMAIS)/Fighting Vipers/figures/retro/🐈/fan subcultures. 同人サークルRUNNER AD2088 代表者

May 31, 2021, 21 tweets

I loved @poondonkus's Guilty Gear thread so much that I had to steal the idea

Virtua Fighter 5 Ultimate Showdown characters, ranked by how much I trust them to drive me to the airport

Akira would drive you to the airport, but the moment you stepped out of the car, he would scold you for your lack of planning and say he won't do it next time.

Availability:
Driving: Efficient
Music: Podcasts about martial arts
Conversation: Sparse
Rank: B

Jacky will absolutely jump at the chance to drive you to the airport, and show you all of the cool shortcuts he knows while casually and frequently breaking the speed limit.

Availability: ALWAYS
Driving: Slick
Music: Butt Rock
Conversation: Chatty
Rank: A

Sarah would be a bit more hesitant to drive you to the airport, but would oblige if you indicated you were out of options.

Availability: Likely
Driving: Uses GPS even if she knows the route
Music: Early 90s pop
Conversation: Makes subtly snarky small talk
Rank: B

Lau would berate you for asking for a ride, then drive you. You worry that he could keel over and die anytime on the way.

Availability: Random
Driving: Aggressive but abides by traffic laws
Music: No
Conversation: Insults between cough fits
Rank: D

Pai would gladly volunteer to drive you, only to leave you terrified when you get in the car by cutting everyone off and running multiple stop signs and red lights.

Availability: Likely
Driving: VERY aggressive
Music: Chinese pop hits
Conversation: Yelling at drivers
Rank: D

Kage does not drive. He will launch and juggle you to the airport.

Availability: Rare
Driving: 4+P+G
Music: Eerie silence
Conversation: None
Rank: C, if he doesn't drop the combo

Wolf will offer to drive you to the airport. It will be a pleasant ride with friendly conversation. He says, "ask me anytime!"

Availability: Reliable
Driving: Safe
Music: Wrestling entrance themes
Conversation: Enjoyable
Rank: A

Jeffry doesn't have a car, but can drive you over if you can reach the airport by boat. The boat's just a liiiiiittle rickety.

Availability: Likely
Boating: Adept
Music: He sings the whole time
Conversation: Fun
Rank: Variable

Lion would LOVE to drive you to the airport just to show off his million-dollar car he never has a chance to use.

Availability: Likely
Driving: Inexperienced
Music: Top 40
Conversation: One-sided
Rank: A-

Shun should not be driving under any circumstances.

Rank: F

Aoi does not have a license. The thought of driving terrifies her.

Rank: F

Lei-Fei does not have time to drive you to the airport, and would sneer at you the whole time if he did. Like Lau, but less chance of sudden death.

Availability: Unlikely
Driving: Halting
Music: Meditation podcasts
Conversation: Getting berated
Rank: D

Vanessa would be mildly annoyed by you asking her for a ride, but she'd definitely do it every time.

Availability: Sure
Driving: Depends on traffic
Music: "Whatever, you pick"
Conversation: ...but you notice her subtly mouthing words to all the songs on the radio
Rank: A

Brad would definitely drive you to the airport. If you're a lady, you'd want to get out of the car the moment you get there.

Availability: Random
Driving: Focused
Music: Horny Jams
Conversation: For dudes: game theory. For ladies: Creepy pick-up lines.
Rank: C/F

Goh would begrudgingly take you to the airport in a car with conspicuously missing plates.

Availability: Unlikely
Driving: Bursts of aggression
Music: The entire Linkin Park catalog
Conversation: Sporadic, incoherent screaming at other drivers
Rank: D

Eileen is far too young to have a license, but wants to ride with you when you do find somebody and talk your ear off.

El Blaze's car is small and might not fit all of your luggage. He's also a terror behind the wheel. You arrive shaken and jittery.

Availability: Sporadic
Driving: Fast and Erratic
Music: Spanish-language radio
Conversation: Bragging about his wins
Rank: D

Jean is a perfect driver in a car that looks way too good for him. He doesn't talk much -- only to ask for some cash from you once you get there for his trouble.

Availability: Random
Driving: Calculated
Music: Metal
Conversation: Smug silence
Rank: B

Taka does not drive, and never will.

The thread this is based on:

Enjoy VF5US everybody!

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