Thread by @tomiahonen

The Grand Unified Theory
Of James Bond

Who are these actors? Which of the 6 movie actors is real Agent 007 and what are those other spies?

This is the Grand Unified Theory that explains EVERY Bond Movie, in perfect logic. You know the name, you know the number...

First Bond is Connery. Connery is thus by definition 'the real James Bond'. You cannot possibly suggest that Sean Connery is 'not' James Bond. This is where we start. Sean Connery is obviously a YOUNG James Bond, it is 007 early in his career.

Who is clearly NOT THE SAME MAN as Sean Connery's James Bond?

Not 'gentleman' George Lazenby who gets MARRIED.

Not Daniel Craig the mute night club bouncer who doesn't even like women.

And Not Timothy Dalton the moody loner who RESIGNS from MI6.. these are NOT BOND at ALL

The BEST match to which LATER actor plays SAME Bond as Sean Connery, is clearly Pierce Brosnan.

They are the 'same Bond' but at different part of career. Connery is a VERY young playboy. Brosnan in Tomorrow Never Dies is an OLD spy with a HISTORY of women, even meeting his ex

Now the 3 non-Bonds. Who is George Lazenby (On Her Majesty's Secret Service). He is OBVIOUSLY not James Bond. He is too nice, he is the marrying type! He is a would be an accountant. He is Bond's BEST FRIEND in school. They went to the Royal Navy together. A fellow Navy officer

Next? Who is Timothy Dalton? He OBVIOUSLY is not James Bond. He is moody introvert who loves his guns more than his women. He is Bond's CLASSMATE & rival. Envious of Bond. He is Agent 006 who went to Secret Service BEFORE Bond joined as 007. Dalton retires soon after Bond joins

And who is Daniel Craig? He is not James Bond. He is not a Royal Navy officer who went to exclusive private Boy's School. Daniel Craig is not Bond's class mate

He is scruffy kid thrown out of PUBLIC school for fighting. He is ex marine Sergeant TOSSED OUT OF THE SAS for fighting

Daniel Craig has no class. He has no style. He isn't charming. He isn't a gentleman. He clearly is not a SPY. He could not hide his bouncer/bodyguard looks. He can't talk to women. But yeah. He can fight. He could take on Bruce Willis/Die Hard or Matt Damon/Bourne
That is NOT 007

Which brings us to the riddle of the clown Bond. Who is Roger Moore? My Grand Unified Theory CAN EXPLAIN Roger. He IS James Bond.

Do you remember Pierce Brosnan (mid life Bond) was tortured and left to die in North Korea, in Die Another Day? That could break a man.. Even 007

So Roger Moore IS James Bond, but the OLD nearly-retired Bond, who cheated death. Roger Moore is too old for some of the girls who fall for him! He just makes corny jokes.

He is what Young Sean Connery became Mid-Career Pierce Brosnan, turns into as Old Man Bond, the FAMOUS 007

So only AFTER his near-death torture, we can explain the campy class-clown of the series? Roger Moore who didn't take his Jamesbonding too seriously. The spy where EVERY villain KNEW he's a spy. And the spy for whom literally one of the girls was TOO YOUNG.. This is old Bond

That is Grand Unified Theory of James Bond

Connery became Brosnan became Moore. Is 007

Lazenby was recruited as spy, fell in love, married, retired, now accountant in Redding

Dalton was older spy, bitter, retired, owns scrappy bar in Caribbean

Craig is thug assassin ex Marine