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Writer, Comedian, Poet, Former Class Monitor Lover of sports, cricket is bae, ManU since primary

Jul 23, 2021, 17 tweets

Part 2 Harare Girls

Ndakaita about a minute ndichikanganwa my own cell number, ndichingoiisa ndakadairwa nekamukadzi kaya keEconet kachiti number not reachable. I tried 14 times ndopandakaona kuti kamukadzi kaya ndichandagwinyira. Ndakabva ndangoridza zitsamwa rekwaMai Azuka

Semunhu anga akarova smart I tried not to panic. Asi umm...Ukaona muhupenyu usati wagara pasi mutara wosimuka wogara wosimuka wofamba wobata muchiuno negotsi zvese ka1 take your time to pray. Ndakazviita in less than a minute until guard wepaSpar ati endai neconfusion yenyu kure

Ndichiri pakati pekunzwa masigns and symptoms eCovid, ndakagaya plan : I will fone my kule Puro who had solutions to every prblm, after all, he footed medical funeral bills of anyone in the family, he solved all family issues including vanorohwa nevarume,kutizira,he was just good

Chinono chinengwe kranko inodhaka kudarika pint, ndakabva ndangofona faster. But that lady from Econet was not yet done with me,same statement. Yah midzimu yadambura mbereko yati mhembwe inozvara kazhumu...or something like that. In Nigerian accent ndakangoti I'm finished oooo

Back to square 1, it's clear ndarohwa vancho negirls reMbilez rega ndigare ndaisa police report kuwana chekusvika nacho kunaChihera paden. Kuti ndiise pakapolice base kepaFife hazviite rega ndibaye paCentral nyaya iyi inoda CID Homicide or Serious Frauds. Ndini uyo tande neroad

Handiziye kuti ndakasvika sei paCentral but I remembr pese pandaicrosser road madriver aisara achipopota. Ndichipinda mucharge office ndakangonzi nekamadam kaive kuseri kwecounter tobatsirana sei nhai Freeman. Ndakabva ndatobvisa cap ndichitarisa her male workmate kuti pliz help

Officer akabva ati ndonzi Sergeant Sibanda tobatsirana njani. In my mind ndakangoti almost every police station or dept ina Sgt Sibanda nhaika. Anyway, ndakamuti ndoda kukuonai paside mukuru. I could not embarrass myself further kutaura nyaya yangu in front of all those ppl

Sgt Sibanda then said in a Ndebele accent, "handitorambi maybe unoda kutondipa tswakiraikuno" whatever he meant I had no time for jokes. Ndakamubatisa nyaya yangu yese ndichisiya zvandanga ndaita zvekushamisira. Zvikanzi leave your number bvandati tobo ndakananga kumakombi

Ndakamira pamakombi kusvika pauya bhaz remaface ekuketa. Ndini uyo ndananga Haifiridzi musha mukuru. Wasted no time ndichisvika Jipson straight kuInternet cafe,vhurei Twitter yangu bvandati kuna tweleb hie sorry it's a long story. Ndakangorohwa bluetick bvandaziya kuti zvakutanga

Kutimeline kwaingonzi hashtag have you ever been ghosted tell us yo story . Heh vakomana vepaTwitter havaite. Me being ghetto,bvandareplyer papost ipapo. In no time bvandablokwa. Hah that's not a prblm. Prblm irikuden kuna Chihera. Ndini uyo ndakunzwisa tsitsi ndananga kuden

To understand my mum you hv to know her history a bit. Me, my siblings and mdara had given her nickname yekuti Chihera tho she was Moyo Ndizvo or mai Chris. Chris from the sitcom Everybody Hates Chris. To sum it up, mdara wangu aivawo mwana kwaye around her.

I remember kamwe kababe ke areas kakada kumbonditizira @iamyeukai Kakataurwa nako paside bvakadzokera kuden kwavo kakandibloka. Even to date handiziye kuti zvakanzi chii but hakachatopfuure nemaraini angu. Anyway ndakasvika 3pm paden ndichiita zvekunyandira pindikiti mukitchen

Chihera was outside feeding her broilers, mdara anga akabata gaba redovi nespoon bvaakarumidza kushafa. Mdara akabva amhanya kupinda musitting bvaatora remote yedish bvaati muhuro ndee. Mdara wangu anotoda a whole thread. At one time akachinjanisa maplates evaenzi

Mai Chris vakabva vapinda. Ndakangoti maswera sei bvandananga mubedroom mangu but shasha iyi yaiva nechipo chekunyumwa ndiyo huri hwese nekatsande mubedroom imomo. Bvavati "Eh mafamba sei". Ndini mirai ndimbobvisa hembe ndirikuuyako. Apa ndaida time yekumbonyora wiri.

Hah guys imboitaiwo muchindi motivator nemafollow nemalike as we make the final thread. Inga @Wamagaisa vanondifolowa wani.
In the final episode:
-did the tweleb unblock me
-did I go to the ICU
-did I die

@Wamagaisa maiona here

Part 3 now out. Check my pinned tweet

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