Thread by @JulieTheCranky

Okay y'all, gather up some snacks, get a drink (new folks, we do a silly drinking game, I usually have tea, it's all in fun and no booze required, I don't drink myself), buckle up, because I found us a doozy.

-clears throat-

Moschino RTW fall/winter '20/'21. #FashionWatch

I know I usually avoid ready-to-wear but this is high end RTW like you get at Nordstrom, not fast fashion from H&M.

FURTHERMORE, BEHOLD!
ROBE A LA FRANCAISE MINI SKIRT!

**IN DENIM!**

Hold on to your butts.

The whole collection is insane. Moschino is known for this stuff, but this collection? -chef's kiss- Batshit. In the best way.

Belle, from Beauty in the Beast, if she was a bounty hunter instead of a nerd.

I'd kick a supreme court justice for that jacket.

Bow! Drink!

-deep voice- A classic suit, with tail coat. In denim, with gold filigree because this is how Marie Antoinette would have worn a denim suit, if such a thing had existed.

Justin Timberlake weeps with envy.

...just ignore the iffy fit on those jeans.

The joke about someone shooting a couch and skinning it to make clothing has never been more apt. Such exquisite upholstery detail! There's probably even horsehair in there somewhere.

I love how the models are entirely fed up.

Also I want those boots.

For when Haydin plays Coachella!

-gigglesnort- A trench coat with panniers. I have now seen everything and may go home.

Actual, wearable day suit, if a little over the top. If you lost the lacing on the front of the skirt that makes no sense, it'd be spot-on perfect for the Ladies who Lunch crowd. As is, it fits with the overall silliness of this whole thing.

And then, of course we should have expected this with the trench coat, THE BLACK LEATHER JACKET WITH PANNIERS. Don't miss the belt going all the way around the hem, hahaha. And of course the self-aggrandizement that Moschino is notorious for.

It's a Louis Quatorze dining chair, in dress form. Like Beauty and the Beast in reverse.

Fifty bucks says these half-gloves are a Fuck You Karl.

Versailles trench coat! White in winter seems nuts to me but PANNIERS! Who gives a fuck about reality?

The belts all the way around the bottoms of these enormous skirts are hilarious.

The chain over her shoulder with the strip of leather in it? Totally a Chanel bag thing.

Men's suit, complete with knee breeches, frock coat, and floof at the neck. Denim imitating Toile de Jouy. Points for committing to a theme. And the shoes! HOW THE FUCK DID THEY BLOW THE STOCKINGS? THEY COULD HAVE BEEN HOLSTIEN PRINT!

And now a... tee shirt with panniers, okay, I've typed that, I can now go home... with a black leather biker Spencer jacket... I can't believe I typed that either...

Okay then.

AN ACTUAL DRESS!!! Probably with the shredding and the black meant to be Marie Antoinette on the way to the gallows or something equally... this... but you could wear this in public without people stopping and going "...the fuck?"

What this really needs is that super fucked up Dior jewelry collection that couldn't make up its mind what it was. Mein gott, it was even the Versailles collection.

Another tee shirt with panniers, long sleeved for winter this time! No worries about freezing your hips off.

This is actually nice. -blinking- Not sure how that happened, but it works. Nice, solid RTW suit.

Huh.

Okay, here we go. "I haff no idea how my lord husband wound up in a tumbril, Lord Robespierre, and I bid you good Revolution."

That one isn't too bad on the wearability scale. Depending on how the hips are handled, you could get into and out of a car in that.

Or take it home and put in some seams down the side and have a solid dress.

Denim toile? Or leather. I'm not sure. It's rather wild either way, particularly for winter.

I would kill for a brocade biker jacket - to the point of considering making one myself - but toile? No. If I wanted a landscape on my ass I'd be a painting.

I'd consider the shoes, though.

THAT IS A GREY HOODIE WITH PANNIERS AND A HOOD BIG ENOUGH TO GO OVER THE WIG. AND KANGAROO POCKETS IN THE FRONT.

I can't even.

Also hand over the purse.

Okay, confession time, I associate toile (the blue or red landscape print on grey-white fabric) with furniture and wallpaper. So I'm not coping well, here.

It's a raincoat?? Or a shirtwaist dress with no waist. Points for the lace detail at the cuffs.

GIVE ME THE BOOTS AND NO POLITICIANS GET KICKED.

This is another dress, that, taken in at the hips, would be great for reality.

I think this is a take on chintz fabric? They really clung to the theme of this. Got the boning right, too, looks like?

For when Bach plays Coachella.

All this toile, I can't even. Someone peeled a wall.

This is actually really fun, good design. Starting from the era they went for, they adapted this one to wearability, and did a pretty good job of it. For summer, but the fact that they're making it work at all? Pass on the seasonal issue.

Somehow it seems utterly appropriate that the pink wig is crooked.

The top is like the bodice of one of the ball gowns. Spot on, or as spot on as modern fashion is going to get.

With jeans. I'd have worn this at age 17.

Oh, and I'd have killed someone for those boots. Someone who had it coming, to be sure. But I'd have done anything for them.

I'm in toile overload. I need an ice pack, a box of chocolates, and a couple peasants eating cake.

Again, wearable. More appropriate for summer, and the wig is HILARIOUS, but this is wearable.

Still with the theme, though. That's a frock coat, and they've given a sort of feel for the knee breeches without actually doing knee breeches.

HA! Where's Cardi B?

I'm pretty sure this is based on period-accurate bed jackets, and I have Questions about the knee pads, Questions I don't want the answer to.

Can I have ten yards of each of the fabrics, and some alone time? And those pink boots from up thread?

Fuck yeah. It's sleeting, the entire world is grey, and you go out to conquer the world in that coat. Damn right.

I zoomed in (y'all owe me) and this is another of the shirt dresses with fake-tapestry landscape made into a biker jacket. Depending on what the jacket's made out of, I'd wear the hell out of it, but with jeans and a tee. As god intended.

The sweatshirt's printed with a brocade pattern. If you lost the logo, I'd fight you for it.

Also the boots are still good.

This has a bedsheet tied around it because under is a pair of scrunched up shorts that look like the crotchless knickers women weren't wearing under their skirts yet I don't think. The top looks like a velvet blazer we deserve to see more of.

Fuck no.

GREAT SHOES THOUGH.

Oh my god. This is the top and 'robe' (jacket) copied from a dress in an actual museum, over a pair of jeans. The original is a floral print, but the looping ruffle trim is dead on. WITH JEANS.

GREAT SHOES THOUGH.

A lot Christmassy, but hell, it's a winter collection.

This pretty much WAS me in the 80s, without the amazing shoes.

Vivienne Westwood started doing these corset tops then. She ripped them off from the same source.

Watch fashion repeat AGAIN.

Y'know, this would actually work in a ballet. I wonder if anyone thought of that. At RTW prices it'd probably be cheaper than costumes.

Cute dress, wearable, if a bit too many bows.

Did anyone tell them this was a winter collection?

...is that leather?

Lines must be drawn somewhere.

I'm drawing mine here. No. There's too much, and then there's this. Most of these are coherent, if ridiculous. This isn't either.

Another one that's wearable, if blinding.

I imagine all the models getting together after the show for drinks, just sitting there in shock going "I can't believe I just did that."

The purse is destroying the line of that jacket.

JESUS H HOW LONG DOES THIS THING GO ON?

Love the coat, but all of it together is... a lot. And I'm still trying to figure out what in hell that fabric is.

All right, looked how far we had to go and we're maybe 2/3 through, break time!

I have returned from my brief skirmish with my mentions - they won. Let us continue.

It's like a hobble skirt gone wrong. Or that one dress by that guy at Dior.

Can I have twenty yards of the fabric and a moment to myself?

PAGING HARLEY QUINN TO THE COURTESY PHONE!

That is a jumble of a bunch of famous French fabric types. I would wear the vest.

T H E B O O T S

Okay, these are absolutely fantastic. As separates.

As is, it looks like a Buddhist monk gone completely sideways.

The color is perfect on her. She looks magnificent, and the boots and the trim and the whole thing is utter perfection and I have no idea in hell where you'd wear it.

ALSO: THE BOOTS.

...uh huh.

Thank the gods, we're to the weirdass second half portion.

This is another deal with the bodice of a historic dress put on over a pair of pants. But much, much, MUCH less successful.

WHY IS THERE A SHEET TIED AROUND HER?

Under it is a strawberry-dessert themed suit, full skirt, nice jacket. Wearable. AND THE BOOTS!

Someone definitely peeled a wall at Versailles for this one.

Points for the ruffles at the cuffs.

They fully committed to the insanity and made a birthday cake dress. That is, without doubt, A CAKE.

Salute.

We seem to have oozed sideways into the Regency Era with a short stop in Imperial China. I am confused.

Seriously, that dress fabric is straight off a porcelain vase.

Never doubt my visual memory.

Back to the panniers, but we've gotten lost in the mauve decade while trying to find our way back to the gardens of Versailles? Do we care, with those boots?

OMG, the surface embroidery on that. This is RTW, don't forget.

An octopus, a jellyfish, and a but cape walk into a bar...

THE BOOTS!!

-leans away, leans in, squints- Walls of Versailles? Or another cake? You be the judge.

The sleeves got lost in the Edwardian era.

The wigs get more and more crooked as this goes on, and I totally sympathize with them.

-blink- Okay, this is COMPLETELY out of nowhere, but I like it. Detour through the Moulin Rouge? In another century?

Maybe it's the bed sheet entry?

Also the feel of a bedsheet entry, a fitted sheet. Would explain the skirt. They took the Edwardian bodice and put it on a Worth mullet skirt, skipped the under-skirt, and put on fabulous boots that don't match instead.

Shorter, give me the boots.

Oh my gods another cake.

You KNOW the models are going out for drinks after this, just sitting there shaking their heads. And ordering by the pitcher.

I think this actually is pulled off the walls of Versailles. Figuratively speaking. LMAO, talk about commitment to a theme.

And then, darkness.

One of the ladies in waiting, wrapped in a sheet, sneaking back to her quarters?

I was preoccupied by the dress (go figure) AND MISSED THE BIRTHDAY CAKE BAG THAT IMITATES THE SHAPE OF THE DRESS.

AAAAAAAAH!

Okay! Wearable! Someone run Charlize Theron down a red carpet in this. Please. It would make my YEAR.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN.

WHO. WHO DOES THIS??

Welcome to the outfit that made me track down this collection and put it on this here twitter thing.

Yes, it was the boots.

You're welcome.

Done at 3am at a bachelorette party, with plastic shopping bags, fueled by vodka.

Bella looks like she's having an out of body experience. I totally sympathize.

I almost literally screamed just now. The only thing that stopped me was, it would freak out my kid.

That was the look on Bella's face; she was glad she didn't get this one.

HOW DID WE GET FROM VERSAILLES TO CAKES?

Going to admit... if I'd done one of those three-wardrobe-change weddings, I'd have gotten this dress and had the wedding cake done to match. Totally.

Actually more bizarre than that bow dress thing from the Valentino collection in Beijing. I didn't know they could do that.

If a coastal wetland goes through here, I'm losing my shit.

AND THE WEDDING GOWN! That looks like a cake. Of course. We are done! Praise be to Vionnet!