Thread by @warikoo

I was lost at 24.

A thread…

“You have a degree in physics. You are now thinking of dropping out. No one will ever hire you. Don’t do this”

These were the words of a friend, a friend who meant well, in Sep 2003.

I had called him because he had changed careers after physics.
And I thought he’d understand.

For the longest time I know, I wanted to become a space scientist.

And here I was, at the age of 22, in the US, enrolled in a PhD program, on a 100% scholarship.

This is what I had preparing for my entire life.

Within a year, I realized this wasn’t what I wanted to do.

While I was good at it, it didn’t make me happy.

I woke up, dragging myself to show up!

But the burden of my expectations from myself, my parents hopes from me, the promises I had made to the world, was immense!

I remember waking up middle of nights, sweating during cold Michigan winters, convinced my life was over.

My friends from school and college had gone on to get great jobs.

Everyone seemed sorted.
Everyone knew what they wanted from life.
Everyone seemed to be in control.

Everyone, except me!

The joy of becoming a space scientist had vanished.

The dream of changing my family’s fortunes were evidently fading away.

I was 24.
And I was lost.

At that time the only certain thing in my mind was “if I am not happy doing what I am doing, then what’s the point of everything and anything else?”

A certain question
With no certain answer.
No surety.

With this question in mind, I decided to drop out of my PhD and come back to india.

Did I know if this was the right decision for me?
No!

Did I know if this was the best decision in that moment?
No!

All I knew was that the downside of sticking was huge.
An unhappy life.

I felt horrible.

I felt I betrayed my parents, my family, my friends, my own self.

I felt like the biggest loser ever.

The first thing I did, once I was back, was to get financially stability.

I had no income, no savings, no investments, and no family backing.

I asked all my friends if their company had any openings.

One of them said yes.

I sat for the interview, cleared it, and was asked my salary expectations.

In my head, I thought 10k per month would be the maximum anyone would give me.

I replied “I have never worked before. I have no expectations. Whatever is the budget for this role - is acceptable”

My first job in life gave me 15K per month in hand.

More than I thought I would make.

I started working at NIS Sparta as a training content producer, for corporate trainings.

Surrounded by MBA graduates, I felt irrelevant with a physics degree.

The only thing that worked for me was my writing skills.
And eventually, my curiosity.

My super boss’ liked me. She felt I had potential. So she spent time with me, guiding me on my mistakes.

During one such occasion, she mentioned that her husband was the dean of the executive education department of a new MBA school: ISB

For the next week, I researched all that I could about ISB.

And I was fascinated.
A 1-yr program
Work experienced peer group
Global faculty

And insanely expensive!!

I cut down all my monthly spends and spent it on GMAT books and the exam enrollment.

Took the exam, and scored decent.

For my recommendations I was scared to ask from my coming managers because I was only a few months into the job.

What if they fired me? I needed the job and money.

I asked ISB if academic recommendations work.
They said yes.
I asked my professors.
They said yes.

I applied to the ISB and was invited for the interview.

At the Taj Delhi, I sat in the waiting room, surrounded by sharp looking and clearly successful boys and girls.

I felt like a misfit.
A physics dropout. Creating training content.
Earning 15kpm
At the age of 25.

The interviewer asked me what I wanted to do post ISB.
I said “finance”

He held my resume up with his thumb and index finger.

And while dropping my resume, said “this resume would never get shortlisted for finance”

I somehow made it to ISB.
And that one year changed my life

In 2015 I got the opportunity to go back to Michigan State University, for the first time since I had left it in 2004.

There was a day in 2003, particularly hard, that I always remembered.

I had clicked a photo from my camera of an open field, while feeling captivated within.

I went back to that spot, foolishly hoping it was still the same.

When I reached, it was. Exactly the way I had clicked it a decade back.

The big difference?
I felt captivated back then.
I was free today!

And all I could wish, in that moment, was to go back to the Ankur of 2003

And tell him - “it’s going to be ok. You will be ok. It’s going to be ok”

That’s the same I hope you can tell yourself too today

It’s going to be ok!
You will be ok!