Thread by @Kate_Biscuit

I subscribe to @DrJenGunter’s newsletter, the Vajenda, because she answers questions.

As a marine biologist, I was able to answer this question myself.

The answer is FUCK NO. WHAT THE FUCK. OH MY FUCKING GOD. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE.

vajenda.substack.com/p/are-sea-spon…

Why do we wear gloves when diving? Because it’s cold! And also, there are a bunch of things we don’t want to touch our bare skin!

In colder waters, the number one category sessile organism (ie, doesn’t move) we do not want to touch is anything from Phylum Porifera: sea sponge.

On research, sampling in the tropics, we also wear gloves for many more reasons, but also: do not handle the sponges without gloves.

1: live sponges have secretions. Some only cause skin reactions in some people, some are vile for everyone. Not an issue for dead sponge.

But.

2: sponges contain siliceous or calcareous elements called “spicules.” These are structural elements, to help it keep shape.

Spicules can be very very very small, and very sharp.

You can think of the siliceous ones as glass.

You can get heaps of tiny glass splinters from handling the wrong sponge without gloves, dead or alive.

Still think it’s a good idea to shove one in your vagina?

*loud voice*

I do not want glass splinters in my vagina, not now, not ever, oh my fucking GOD

…but especially the sort of splinters so fine that when they were in my hand I had to hold my fingers up to the light to even see where to put the tweezers!

And it’s not like the calcareous sponges are a good time, either!

Jesus fucking christ and that’s not even going near the issue with infection, the sea is not “clean”, sponges are habitats for an extraordinary variety of critters, and even a dead sponge will have dead critters in it somewhere, even if they are very small.

Imagine the rotting corpse of a polychaete worm in your vagina, or a colony of deceased shriveled microscopic copepod crustaceans.

Plus: sand! They are full of fucking sand!

The FUCK.

Also: they stink! Sponges stink! A bit less once they’ve dried out but there are some that are so malodorous that everyone knows what genus of sponge it is as soon as the trawl comes up.

“Oh great. More Ircinia.”

Can tell you right fucking now, I don’t care how long it’s been dead, not shoving a chunk of Ircinia up my clacker.

Also: they wouldn’t seal well, they’ve already shrunk from drying, so I can’t imagine they’d even do a good job.

Okay, have now read Jen’s column, so the only thing I missed from a marine biology perspective is the air issue. We don’t want to introduce a bunch of trapped air into the vagina, as that’s a significant infection risk.

Medically this looks like a recipe for toxic shock syndrome as well, and Jen added there is no known way to sterilise a sponge, which I expected but it’s good to know.

This thread was brought to you by “marine biologist body horror”, thank you for coming to my TED talk, please tip the waitstaff.

Take care and do not insert sea sponges into any orifice of your person.
Cheers,
-Doc out 🌊

PS since this is doing numbers by my modest standards, I feel I should add that - although they’re not my taxonomic specialty - sponges are amazing and fascinating components of the marine ecosystem and come in an extraordinary diversity of colours and shapes.

In temperate and subtemperate (cold water) zones, we don’t get the big dramatic colourful tropical reefs, but we do get sponge gardens.

Quick image search to show you what I mean:

here’s a short rundown! Just because I don’t want to smell or touch the sponges (I’ve worn gardening gloves to dig around in specimens for invertebrates, I’ll do it if I have to!) or insert them vaginally doesn’t mean I don’t love and appreciate them. ❤️

ces.vic.gov.au/sotb/case-stud…

PPS for those who don’t know, yes, sea sponges have historically been used for this purposes, as well as for contraceptives (soak them with vinegar as a spermicide, I think — am on phone, will get proper references later).

…and for those who *do* know, yes, I was aware of this when I wrote the thread.

(1) I’m of the opinion that just because something has been done for a long time does not make it a good idea, and this is especially true of inserting colonial organisms into bodily orifices.

(2) people who originally did this didn’t tend to have access to the options we have now — tampons are packed sterile, you can sterilise a menstrual cup, etc. — but more importantly…

…they would have either had local knowledge of what sponge was safe to use (indigenous knowledge is not to be sneezed at) or they would have ideally purchased it from someone who did; again, a local source.

(3) taxonomy matters, and sponges are hard to ID. The idea that people are risking TSS and infection and abrasion with materials they can’t sterilise whose sources they can’t validate is pretty awful.

People running these businesses don’t necessarily run them on the up and up.

In my marine botany subject, we did an exercise around attempting to identify the species in capsules of “Spirulina” (you know, the dietary supplement).

Our lecturers revealed that a bunch of them had been tested and none of them contained anything from the genus Spirulina.

Taxonomy matters when you’re relying on a biochemical effect (or lack thereof), or when you’re assuming the absence, presence and/or composition of microscopic structural elements TO PUT INSIDE YOUR FUCKEN VAGINA.

Ahem.

Historically, we don’t necessarily know if someone’s death by sepsis in the 18th century was due to infection by sponge or some other practice or incident that resulted in sepsis.

Which means we don’t have the numbers on that risk.

And I’ve met enough “natural things are way better and science is a tool of the patriarchy” (yes, science has issues, can agree, but there’s a baby/bath water discussion to be had) people to know that someone is gonna decide to cut corners by collecting a sponge for themselves.

And sponges, like any large and diverse group of organisms, will differ by locality. You don’t expect the same trees in the tropics and the temperate zones — sure as hell don’t expect the same sponges.

There are approximately 5000 described species of sea sponge.

And if there are any marine taxonomists reading this - be it specialising in another invertebrate group, an algal group, or hell, even fish - you’ll know “described species” is *usually* the low end of the true number.

There’s a lotta shit we don’t know out there.

Personally I think that’s fucking extraordinary and marvellous and inspiring; but it also means we need to take care.

Especially when it comes to the internal application of various biotic components of the marine ecosystem.

So… you don’t need to tell me that people have been doing this for a while, I promise!

(but if you’re an actual historian specialising in this and you know what species or group of sponge was typically used, please tell me, I’m very curious)