Thread by @samdylanfinch

Let’s talk about the core wounds that trauma survivors with #ADHD often struggle with. 💬

Many folks with #ADHD have also experienced some kind of developmental trauma. We often see neglect and emotional abandonment especially when caregivers are unable (or unwilling) to offer competent support for their neurodivergent child.

The impact of this is so real. And as a coach and as someone who has lived with both, I’ve seen some common challenges that surface for #ADHD survivors of trauma.

Some of these core wounds sound like:

♥️ Self-esteem struggles: If my caregivers don’t understand me — and are unable to offer love and support to the authentic, real me — does that mean I’m broken or unworthy?

➕ The work: Unlearning the belief that we are fundamentally undeserving of care and love.

👥 People-pleasing: Maybe if I can meet all of their demands, desires, and needs, I’ll be good enough to earn their love.

➕ The work: Leaning into the discomfort of setting boundaries and respecting our own capacity, all while trusting that others will still stay and love us even if we can’t be everything to them.

🔥 Burnout: It might exhaust me completely, but I need to keep up appearances and not let anyone see me struggle.

➕ The work: Being vulnerable enough to allow others to see us when we’re struggling to cope; calling on our support systems when we need them instead of trying to manage everything alone.

💔 Rejection sensitivity: Am I just going to end up hurt again? How can I ready myself for the rejection I know is coming?

➕ The work: Trusting that those who are here for us will not be scared off or put off by our true selves. Rejection is not inevitable.

🏃🏻‍♂️ Demand avoidance: Doing what’s expected of me is painful; I can’t take care of myself or others when I’ve never experienced someone properly taking care of me.

➕ The work: Grieving the support and life skills that weren’t given to us as children; nurturing our inner child so that “adulting” doesn’t feel triggering.

These are just a few of the themes I’ve noticed in trauma survivors with ADHD.

Oftentimes, we are perfectionists driven to perform in hopes of securing the unconditional care and love we didn’t receive as young people.

I wanted to share some of my observations in the hopes that it might be helpful to ADHDers who have experienced trauma — especially emotional abandonment by caregivers, which is so common in our community and yet hardly spoken about.

IMO: This is also why ADHD clinicians need to be trauma-informed, too.

It’s not enough to just address executive dysfunction. Our hearts deserve true healing, too, which begins and ends with deep self-acceptance work.

Anyway. I talk about these topics a lot on Instagram as well. Feel free to hop over there to see what folks are chatting about — I’ll be replying to a lot of questions there!

Same handle, samdylanfinch. 💗🧠