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Jacob Urowsky Professor of Strategic Studies at Hustlers University. Thoughts and book excerpts.

Oct 20, 2021, 20 tweets

The Merovingians put Game of Thrones to shame, with palace intrigue, shocking betrayal, and brother murdering brother. This can be seen in the life of Theudebert, grandson of Clovis, enemy of Emperor Justinian and Beowulf's Hygelac, and one of the greatest Frankish kings. Thread:

The Franks did not have primogeniture - the principle that the first son inherits everything - so when Clovis died in 511, his realm was split up amongst his four living sons: Theuderic, Theudebert's father, got Metz, Childebert, Paris, Chlodomer, Orléans, and Lothar, Soissons.

The Frankish realm was new and insecure, surrounded by the kingdoms, like the Visigoths, Ostrogoths, and Burgundians, that had carved up the Rome. To its north were still pagan tribes that had never been ruled by Rome, and to its east the still strong Eastern Roman Empire.

We don't know when Theudebert was born, but Gregory of Tours tells us he was already an "elegant and able young man" when Clovis died. Shortly afterwards, in 516, his father sent him with an army against Danish raiders. Theudabert routed them and killed their king, Chlochilaich.

The Danish king Chlochilaich is generally considered to be the Geatish king Hygelac from Beowulf; the raid that led to his death is also mentioned in that epic poem.

Theudebert was betrothed to a Lombard princess, Wisigard, but when his father sent him to lead an army against the Visigoths he forgot her and took a married woman Deuteria as his mistress instead.

When Theuderic was on his deathbed in 533, his brothers immediately began plotting to take his lands. Theudebert sped home and was crowned as his heir. Unable to depose him, his uncle Childebert adopted him as a son and teamed up with him against Theudebert's other uncle, Lothar.

The two men led their armies against Lothar, who fled into the woods. Clovis' widow, Clotild, prayed for peace between her sons, and a great storm came upon the army. Theudebert and Childebert took this as a sign from God and made peace with Lothar.

Theudebert, still living with his mistress, refused to marry Wisigard. His subjects forced him to give Deuteria up and marry, but his new royal wife died soon afterwards and he took yet another woman.

When Theodoric, Ostrogothic king of Italy, died in 526, his daughter, who was also Theudebert's cousin, ran away with a slave and was dragged back by her mother's troops. In revenge, she poisoned her mother during communion and was killed in turn by the king of Tuscany.

The Byzantine historian Procopius claims Amalasuntha was actually killed because she was too Romanized and was offering to hand over her kingdom to Emperor Justinian. Either way, her death in 535 provoked a Byzantine invasion of Italy and war against the Ostrogoths the same year.

It's unlikely Justinian would have needed an excuse. He was engaged in a campaign to retake the Western Roman Empire. His armies, led by his legendary general Belisarius, had already retaken Vandal Africa, and it's likely he would have seized any opportunity to invade Italy.

According to Gregory, her death inspired the Franks to invade as well. Theudebert took his army across the Alps in 539 and defeated both the Goths and the Byzantines. Although he was driven back by disease, he returned to Gaul with vast amounts of plunder.

Procopius describes this in a very different way. He claims the Franks were tempted by the weakness of both the Goths and the Byzantines and violated treaties with both to invade. When the Frankish troops arrived, the Goths believed they were allies up until they turned on them.

He describes the Frankish warriors as "armed with only a sword, shield and ax" which they throw "so to shatter the shields of the enemy and kill the men."

The Franks, only recently converted to Catholicism, began to ritually sacrifice Gothic women and children before overrunning a Byzantine army as well. In their moment of victory, however, they were struck by an outbreak of dysentery, halting their advance.

At this point, Belisarius sent a letter to Theudebert, upbraiding him for his treachery. Happy with the plunder he had taken and shamed by the letter, Theudebert retreated back into Gaul.

Theudebert's conflict with the Byzantines can also be seen in his coins. Previous Frankish kings issued coins with the name and face of the Byzantine emperor, maintaining the fiction that they were Roman subjects. Theudebert broke this tradition, issuing coins in his own name.

His reign wasn't all war and scheming, however. Gregory praises him repeatedly for his generosity towards the church, such as his loan to the Bishop of Verdun which he refused to take repayment for.

Theudebert ultimately died in 548. Gregory just says he fell ill; the Byzantine historian Agathias says he was killed during a hunt. Either way, he left a legacy of military success and generosity to the Catholic Church that would be held up as an ideal for generations of Franks.

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