Getting into the @awscloud #reinvent partner keynote:
Staff: “Sorry, employees (orange lanyards) aren’t allowed in keynotes.”
Me: “It’s red. The lighting is super odd here.”
Once again I snuck past the “no Corey allowed in keynotes” rule!
@awscloud And now @dougyeum takes the stage and thanks us all for being here in person even though he won't be. "I'm moving to a new role within Amazon. Later, hosers."
@awscloud @dougyeum "This year marks the 15th year that AWS has been in business." #reinvent is only ten years old; @awscloud had to spend the first five years inventing it first before they could re:Invent it.
@awscloud @dougyeum "We find huge value in the AWS partner network" proclaim a bunch of partners who can't very well say anything else without Consequences. "We wish to neither f*ck around, nor find out" they proclaim emphatically.
@awscloud @dougyeum (Shitposter's note: this "Last Tweet in AWS" dedicated shitposting Twitter client is working out way better than its last iteration!)
@awscloud @dougyeum If you go to a Las Vegas buffet, there's way more food than you can eat but you load your plate up anyway. "One day we will eat you all" vows @awscloud.
@awscloud @dougyeum In seriousness, @awscloud has to partner around things like "ransomware protection." I mean, if they did that themselves without fixing data egress pricing first the irony alone might kill them.
"Partner paths" sound a lot like "let's go for a walk in the woods" that you can't really refuse.
"These are the top tier partners who have differentiated themselves" proclaims Doug Yeum, gesturing at the hundred or so undifferentiated company logos on the slide.
If you wish, you can watch the livestream of this keynote. If you aspire to being a top tier partner, it's no longer optional.
Now Western Union talks about how AWS and partners have helped them with their digital transformation. It's required for them; Bitcoin has eaten the heart out of the "send a Western Union money order" scams.
The MAP is AWS' way of saying "you're not giving the money to us fast enough; give it to us faster."
AWS is launching a program so that third parties can now help sell Graviton processors.
"There had better be at least three slides between this and the one talking about what a great partner Intel is..."
I think that maybe 3 of these companies haven't been LastWeekinAWS.com sponsors. What are you waiting for?!
"Here's how AWS Partners are changing customer's experiences."
Uh... wrong answers only?
"We've been working with seven partners" and suddenly I'm trying to name all seven dwarves.
"Sleepy, Sneezy, Horny, Grumpy, Bashful--wait, one of those is wrong."
"Customers are looking for" fewer sales emails because they made the critical mistake of letting a vendor scan their badge at #reinvent?
You'll use a tagged email address next time, rookie!
SHHH! The AWS/400 isn't being announced until tomorrow! NDAs matter!
And now Stephen Orban takes the stage. He's now in charge of the AWS Marketplace.
Spoiler: @quinnypiglet is still a huge @stephenorban fan.
Anyone else remember when following AWS didn't require following "all of technology?"
Pepperidge farm remembers, but is too busy negotiating its MAP contract to comment as they prepare to Digitally Transform.
These Snowflake ads are getting sneakier.
Data Exchange now has API support instead of... I dunno, FTP?
"Builders who are comfortable using our APIs" means that Doug needs to speak to an AWS customer. *ANY* AWS customer.
Any AWS customer at all.
"Forget 17 ways to *run* containers, we're looking for ways to sell containers to people who aren't even our customers."
"Do you know what today is?"
The first day / second night of Hanukkah.
"Cyber Monday!"
...yeah, that tracks with Amazon's worldview.
And now @sandy_carter takes the stage. She will not only be reading these tweets, but likely may reply to one or two. This is where a smarter person than I would only say nice things about the announcements.
@sandy_carter I didn't realize that McDonald's was an AWS partner, but today I learned.
"Make it easy for me to find the right partner."
There are tens of thousands of partners; I'm not even slightly convinced that AWS themselves can easily differentiate between them.
I had to manipulate this image at #reinvent a few years ago far, far, far less than you would think I had. Just moved a "re:In" around.
"Aisle 5. I'll say that again: Aisle 5."
What the... is there a cleanup or--OH! I.L. 5!"
"Our largest competency at AWS is Government."
Well it sure wasn't "naming things well."
Introducing AWS Think Big for Small Business Communities Who Want to Do Big Things And Learn To Do Other Community Business Things Well Too
Great naming job, AWS. Stellar work.
My recent experience with T-Mobile was Not Good, but I'm doing my level best to not let it affect my tweets.
I see the AWS Console got a cameo.
I should really do a "behind the scenes" thing once #reinvent is finally blissfully over.
No, they're still talking about T-Mobile not being a "carrier." I would agree.
The SAP Certified SAP on AWS certification is rolling out. Money printer goes "Contact Sales."
And now a fireside chat with @aselipsky.
Okay, that wasn't on my bingo card.
"So I'm about to screw off to the Amazon Retail Underpants Division, so what do you want to talk about" isn't how Doug Yeum is starting off the discussion.
"So what's new since you've returned?"
"Everything is so much bigger now!" says Adam Selipsky, thinking he was being asked about #reInvent being spread across six hotels.
(Azure's security conference can comfortably fit within Circus Circus with the rest of the clowns.)
"Part of our job is to separate the good ideas from the great ideas" says the man who didn't block a service named "CloudWatch Evidently" from launching earlier today. Amazon stock tumbles on the news.
"We're talking a lot with customers about how to make the cloud easier to use."
Amazon stock soars on the news.
"Amazon Connect would be a good example of an industry-specific higher-level AWS offering that's got good UX."
It would also be the only example.
So far @aselipsky is holding far closer to the talking points than @ajassy ever did -- but if you underestimate him as a result you're making a dreadful mistake.
Now @aselipsky is talking about higher level services rather than the more foundational services. "Not all of the customers, mind!" He's right.
"Everyone's talking about how hard it is to hire and retain talent, how do you see it" asks @dougyeum a week before he departs @awscloud for Amazon proper. It's poor form to answer your own question!
This concludes my #reinvent Partner Keynote coverage. See requinnvent.com for more throughout the week!
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