Thread by @QuinnyPig

Welcome to my first-ever livetweet of an @aselipsky #reinvent keynote as a part of my requinnvent.com coverage. It's 8:30, sarcastically loud, I haven't slept, and it's time to see what our @awscloud friends have worked on all year long.

A reminder: Snarking about companies is usually okay; snarking about people (presenters, etc) is not. Punch up, not down. Be kind.

The failure mode of "clever" is "asshole."

We begin with a jarring transition from "loud rock" to "easy listening combined with a Windows screensaver theme." Clearly the #reinvent graphics refresh was delayed due to... I dunno, not having a bad enough team name or something.

Something suspiciously close to a cover of "Sweet Child of Mine" is @aselipsky's walk-on music. Someone please tell me when his birthday is!

We start with a walk down memory lane. I like that @aselipsky isn't making it about himself, being the new CEO, etc. It's about the AWS origins and why they built AWS originally.

"We're not going to put 'best named' on this slide."

HEY! Where's The @DuckbillGroup's logo?!

Oh, great work @aselipsky; "mentioned during #reinvent keynote" is now an @ibmcloud talking point. They're going to be just absolutely insufferable.

"It's still early days, just wait until we have 3,000 services all named inscrutably!"

Not even slightly kidding: I really dig @aselipsky's sartorial preferences. His tailor is On Point.

We start with the NASDAQ CEO, @adenatfriedman. Unclear if her name starts with "Amazon" or "AWS."

While she talks I want to highlight that @awscloud is a hell of a lot more than the people we all see. There are folks internal whose names we'll never know making all of it possible.

Engineers sure, but also marketers, PMs, finance folks, HR, etc. etc. etc.

The beauty and horror of computers is that it's all swept away behind an API. You're either invisible to customers or they're mad at you.

I just want to say that I see you, and that you matter. If what I say about your services makes you feel bad, I've failed. Please reach out.

NASDAQ is moving its first US options market into @awscloud in the next two years.

oh no I'm about to have to work on AWS bills and AWS bill derivatives

Meanwhile @awscloud has launched its "Karpenter" open source project as per @techcrunch.

It's a poor carpenter who blames their tools, but I'm sure going to blame this one for something. techcrunch.com/2021/11/30/aws…

I really expected that me thinking "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about" would be around IoT or Quantum Computing or Machine Learning®, but @aselipsky surprises yet again by making me have that moment about basketball.

The EC2 origin story. "The Instance" was the only kind you could have. It became the m1.small, and so on and so forth and now there are 384 instance configurations for Linux I can launch in @awscloud us-east-1 right now. That number will probably change today. #reinvent

Ah, here we go. Announcing Graviton3 processors!

True story: Graviton3 was ready to ship last year, but there was a problem.

And c7g instances are now available in preview.

And now "Trn1" instances are available for ML training. Sounds like someone over in Dave Brown's group got a new bag of Scrabble tiles.

Touched on SAP HANA for a minute, now talking about mainframes.

Are we about to finally get an AWS/400?! I'd almost given up hope!

"Our customers are trying to get off of mainframes as fast as they possibly can, but y'know... CloudFront."

Putatively talking about mainframes, @aselipsky accurately describes my @LastWeekinAWS production pipeline constructed from Lambdas Function.

This is a new service, not a program. "Mainframe Modernization" instead of "/400" was a terrible, terrible branding decision.

But what about the other clouds?! I know they exist; you put a Gartner Magic Quadrant up earlier that named them!

"Last year we announced 'Outposts: The Smaller Ones' featuring 1U and 2U servers. A year later we're prepared to actually ship some."

I'm not entirely sure that "racks can ship, servers cannot" is adequately answered by "supply chain issues."

"Some are calling extreme environments 'the rugged edge.'"

No one has ever called it that.

"I'm going to build my OWN Verizon!"

I'm not sure that 'Private 5G' is going to age super well once 6G drops. Ah well, @awscloud can always rename it to Private 5G 2.0

Now a guest from Dish. I always love it when guests are invited to dish in public.

I dropped one of these once when I was a teenager.

It killed the dinosaurs.

"Dish Wireless is the AWS of 5G." I don't even pretend to know what that means.

This wireless infra stuff is great and all but I'm trying to build a website here...

Okay, back to the @aselipsky show. I think he's talking about how I optimize AWS bills?

I swear to god if you're about to launch "AWS Lady With The Lamp..."

"Don't be ridiculous; it's 'Amazon Lady With The Lamp For Containers.'"

Florence Nightingale. The origins of AWS. Basketball things from the 20th century. Mainframes. This keynote is a living history lesson. #reinvent

"Delete that shit" is a schism within the church of Turn That Shit Off. #reinvent

jesus christ

Now @aselipsky is talking about purpose-built databases and I'm terrified he's going to announce another new managed DB offering to assist the other 40 they already sell.

I'm sure that Route 53 is obscured by the #reinvent House Band Drumset.

I'm hoping for a Swamp Formation release but no dice yet. #reinvent

"You probably want your finance team to have access to everything." Um... @aselipsky? Sir?

Row and cell-level security for Lake Formation.

"We should get us some of that." --@Azure

The five people who understand data models like this are all clapping. The rest of us are very confused about what a Lake Formation is supposed to do other than cost money. #reinvent

"Do I need all of these services? YES!" Direct @aselipsky quote.

I assure you, while @awscloud needs to offer them all, *YOU* do not need to collect them all as if they were Pokémon, dear reader.

And now there are Serverless options for RedShift (that isn't Spectrum?), EMR, MSK, and Kinesis. The devil is of course in the pricing details, but yay!

"Now to talk about how these great things work, here's the EVP of Technology and Chief Digital Officer of @United Airlines, Linda JoJo."

I would like to talk to her about her @awscloud environment and also my 1K status.

Ahh, the Kinesis "Serverless" mode is in fact on-demand. You pay an hourly charge for it; that's one of its 6 (not kidding) pricing dimensions. #reinvent

"If you're not thinking about Machine Learning® as part of your journey, GET MOVING." --@aselipsky

"...to the exit?"

Well, I *did* ask @awscloud teams to talk to each other more, so this is really my own fault...

"You control your data, nobody else can access it – not even us!" @Azure hangs its head in the shame it oh-so-richly bought with its silence on ChaosDB.

"I used to be the CEO of Tableau. Now we sell QuickSight. It's apparently a thing that exists! I have no comment! Huh, look at the time!"

Here Quicksight Q is analyzing the monthly bill for a single Managed NAT Gateway.

You can now use SageMaker with no coding required thanks to SageMaker Canvas. I wonder what they acquired and slapped a SageMaker name onto? #reinvent

"See what others don't; read your @awscloud bill. What you find may surprise you."

Introducing the Goldman Sachs Financial Cloud for Data. Unclear if it's an @awscloud service or something GS is doing themselves for their own clients. The pacing is significantly uneven.

I'm informed it's the latter. Okay then!

Customer 3M is here to drop new Post-It Notes.

Now talking about Industrial applications. Not my wheelhouse.

Introducing @awscloud IoT Digital TwinMaker.

Thats... quite the name. Apparently TwinMaker keeps a digital copy of a thing you have, like a car or a manufacturing equipment thing.

One more industry to talk about: Automotive. We're apparently going long this morning!

"It's changing how we drive" says @aselipsky. "...like assholes" he mentally completes the thought. #reinvent

Introducing AWS IoT FleetWise. "What the hell is this?"

You can think of it as AWS Telemetry for Cars. And that cuts about 3 minutes off of the explanation...

And this concludes the #reinvent keynote by @aselipsky. I shall deliver my rebuttal this afternoon via reQuinnvent.com. Thanks for joining me!