NEWS ALERT: Feb 21, 2022
@ryanlindley at the desk today.
Coverage of important stories from the day will be added to this thread.
🔺Gov. General of Canada announces new "Non-confidence" voting tools including likes/retweets, Facebook "angry face" reactions and chain letters.
🚨 POLICING NEWS:
Police colleges across #Canada will now include comprehensive training modules that include climbing snow bank barricades.
BOOKS:
The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms has an exciting announcement. An unnamed source reports that @brittlestar
has been approached to narrate, and 'Terry' from Red Deer will offer interpretative commentary.
BREAKING: Police announce they are making huge breakthroughs in their attempt to #ArrestRandyHillier
Task force officials say the law requires the hashtag to trend for 5 consecutive days for a judge to issue the warrant. "We're very close" the source told us.
HEALTH:
Ontario's CMOH Dr. Kieran Moore waiting on instruction from the Premier's office on whether he should RSVP with the roast beef or the chicken option for himself at a friend's wedding this summer.
CULTURE:
Gen-X'rs issue helpful guide to those trying to circumvent the current rules of our democracy and overthrow the sitting government:
"So it's up up, down down, left/right, left/right, B-A-B-A START. Thank you."
We are reaching out to Tech Expert @ambermac to confirm.
🚨 BREAKING: Doug Ford expected to hold an emergency cabinet meeting along with ON Finance Minister Peter Bethlenfalvy after filling up his snowmobile this weekend.
"It cost me like sixty-eight friggin bucks. I gotta run the high test stuff, y'know? That's not right."
OTTAWA: 🚨 BREAKING 🚨
Prime Minister @JustinTrudeau to EXTEND Emergencies Act powers to include removing @theJagmeetSingh from TikTok and to cease @CandiceBergenMP from parking in "the good, close spots" at Parliament Hill.
BUSINESS:
@CPC_HQ points to the shortage of gas cans and bouncy castles across Ontario as a key indicator of supply chain troubles.
SENATE:
"This is the capital of the country. It’s not your goddamned city just because you have a six-figure salary and you work 20 hours a week,” says intoxicated Senator Mike MacDonald after calling his own wife a 'Karen.'
UNRELATED: Mike makes $160K/yr working ~20-hrs per week
MISSING PERSON:
Authorities and a diner owner are searching for 'Briane from Chilliwack' after she did not show up for her shift today. Witnesses say she may have loaded herself and 27 kids in the back of a semi that had "Fredom"(sp) scrawled in the dirt along the trailer.
💲MARKET MINUTE:
The retail price of regular Canadian flags continue to plummet, while the cost of upsidedown Canadian flag skyrocket. Convoy attendees are reportedly taking credit for the market shift.
CLASSIFIEDS: FOR SALE
Custom needlepoint artwork. Some pieces already in-stock include "Live Laugh Love" "Bless This Mess" "Jesus Is Lord" & "F*ck Trudeau"
Contact Martha M. Phetamine on Zello or Gab for prices.
WORLD WATCH: Wealthy Nigerian Prince files FOI request to obtain the email addresses of everyone who emailed "Non-confidence votes" to the Canadian Governor General's office. When asked his intent, he replied that he "just wanna talk to them about something real quick."
☀️FAMILY DAY FUN:
@ItsDeanBlundell will be holding a fun-filled day with great things to do for family day. Programming includes fun recipes, crafts, interactive games and deleting racist Aunt Helen with the abhorrent political views from Facebook! RSVP @ deanblundell.com
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