Thread by @tomiahonen

My Dearest Vladimir

How's your war? I see lots of pretty explosions on TV. I'm miserable. Bill Barr says my genius plan to overturn the election was run by clowns. Roger Stone calls me the greatest mistake in history & I pardoned that moron! I miss your voice. If you'd just call

My Dearest Trumpy-Pumpkin

Daddy is busy now, invading Ukraine. My convoy with 4 divisions has gotten stuck on a road 25 miles from Kyiv. Bill Barr is correct, but you knew that. Giuliani is a clown, remember Four Seasons Total Landscaping? Ignore Roger Stone. Just eat some Goya

Dearest Chairman Kim Jong-Un

My people are deserting me. Roger Stone says I was the greatest mistake in history. Bill Barr called my lawyers clowns. And you know Giuliani, obviously they're clowns, but Bill shouldn't be saying that!

I miss the touch of your hand on our walks..

Yo, Dotard

What part of "we're over" don't you get? I dumped you over a year ago. Your letters are pathetic. Grow up, man

If you're lonely, why don't you go back to that Moscow pee tape prostitute who looks like Ivanka? She's the only one who ever made you smile. You can afford

My Dearest Ivanka

Roger Stone is being mean to me, he said I was the greatest mistake in history. Bill Barr mocks my lawyers for being clowns. And Kim Jong-Un won't write me.

I am miserable. Please visit me. I miss cuddling with you on a My Pillow. If you could make some Goya

Daddy,

Thank you for the wonderful invitation. I am busy right now with my attorneys but couldn't you ask Rent-A-Mom to come fluff up your My Pillow & tuck you in? You can always ask Gary Busey's son to make you some warm Goya Beans. Remember he's that tall freak they call Eric

My Dear Melonia

I am miserable. Putin is not returning my calls because of his stupid war in Ukraine. Ivanka won't visit my bedroom. And Bill Barr is picking on Rudy Giuliani, for being a clown. And don't you start, yes he is a clown

Could you come to Mar-A-Lago, just for a day

Donald,

I told you not to write. Why don't you ask your Playboy Bunny to come cuddle with you for $130,000 or your big chested Pornstar to spank you for $125,000. You can ask your twisted daughter to do a lapdance & serve you Goya Beans. I really don't care, do you?

PS Be Best