THREAD! When the Woke Goes to War
1) Ban opera singers from the Met
2) Punish NYC restaurants w/ Russian names!
3) No BigMacs for Russians!
4) Crush the cripples!!!
5) Ban cats
6) No more high fructose corn syrup for you!
7) Freelancing platform: Russians, Belarusians need not apply!
8) “Without shoes, maybe they can’t march to war?”
9) The 80s hipsters on Russia’s frontlines will feel powerless w/o their trusty Swatch watch
10) Russian wigger rappers hardest hit
11) Not sure how this will help but since when does that matter
12) B/c we all know frappuccinos are Putin’s secret weapon
13) Paper airplanes to the rescue!
14) No more life-shortening fast food for you!
15) Who knew world peace was as simple as canceling Tchaikovsky?
[image via @SonnyBunch]
16) Let's see how far the Russian army gets w/o thongs!
17) If we just deprive lower-class Russians working opportunities, then finally they’ll be empowered to overthrow Putin!
18) This is smart since most Russian hockey players are actually secret KGB agents
19) No hockey phenoms welcome
20) Who cares that this piano prodigy denounced Putin’s aggression … the mob seeks fresh flesh!
21) Facebook/Instagram: “We now return to your regularly scheduled 2 Minutes Hate”
22) Facebook: Actually neo-nazis aren’t so bad after all
23) Due process is so 2021
24) Possibly the fatal blow to Putin’s war effort
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