Thread by @Kaitlin_M_Ruiz

for years my dad has argued that what the world needs is “the travel taco” i.e. a taco with sealed edges to keep all the filling from falling out while you’re on the move. and for years my mom has patiently explained the concept of burritos.

my dad is the guy who leans across the table and says “so tell me, what’s the worst part of eating a taco?” at dinner parties

frito pie is not a taco!!

so it’s becoming necessary to mention that my dad is Mexican and yes he does know what empanadas are

also my family is from South Texas, typically when we’re making tacos it’s with a soft tortilla (not a hard shell)

my dad’s thing is “what if there was a taco you could hold while you drive?” he thinks this is revolutionary, idk what to tell you

people are asking “how is this different from a burrito?” it’s not

my dad can spend ten minutes enumerating the travel taco’s many charms but as soon as you ask “so a burrito?” he shuts down

once my dad, weary of bearing ridicule from his own house, consulted my abuela: “Ma, what would you call a taco with the edges crimped?” and this woman, dignified in her eighties, said “son, that’s a burrito.”

for those up on Roberto lore, he also dreams of getting into salt

anyway my dad is a prince and I love him

(pre-pandemic, we look uncomfortable because we are at a dying outlet mall)

now that my dad has supporters I would like to take a moment to extend empathy to my mother

also he’s in the market for turtles

his ways are not our ways

a man of sorrows

also: the travel taco is not a papusa!!

there is no working prototype for the travel taco at present.... it is a platonic ideal

quick clarification: the travel taco relies on a soft flour tortilla (not fried). it is not deconstructed (à la Frito pie, or so-called “walking tacos”). it is the elegant solution for the commuter with a refined palate.

it’s still not an empanada

my dad isn’t on social media so his version of “off the record” is “please don’t put this on Pinterest”

thank you for all the love for my dad, I also think he is great. here he is with Moses, a firehouse dog.

I can’t really keep up with this all that well, but I am glad hearing about my dad has improved the general vibe!!

anyway here’s more Roberto

UPDATE (@Harriet_Vane_)

the deets

my dad realizes he has made a ripple online because my brother’s co-worker saw the tweet and immediately phoned him

vindication

I love that my dad is actively trying to promote this idea to my mom and brother.... the grind never stops

my mom said “too bad Larry King’s not around anymore to talk with you about this” and my dad responded “I’d be okay with Lester Holt”

so it’s not going to his head at all

my brother is sending him screenshots lol

my mom: “your dad said ‘kaitlin has probably posted things a lot more profound,’ meaning this is profound”

my brother: “dude, you’re a man of the people now”

ok now my dad is on speakerphone dictating things to my mom to dictate to me to tweet

my dad said he is going to create his own brand of scientology now

my mom wanted everyone to see this but my dad says it’s an unflattering photo and that my mom intentionally wants him to look unappealing.... fame is a destructive force

Mom reports from the homefront:

“it really hit a nerve... or something.” -Dad

sorry for not being able to field all the replies! my phone has crashed three times. my dad says he is happy to adopt grown children as long as they have a sense of humor

also you can tell he staying humble because he just announced “well, the only other person I would like to brainstorm with is John Mulaney”

my dad says thank you to all the Brits recommending the Cornish pasty, it sounds really neat

update from my abuela, courtesy of my Uncle Rick

“there’s nothing more infuriating... you’re wearing a nice shirt and some of that gravy squirts on it. then your mom says, what’s that on your shirt? and it’s oil from carne guisada.”

also my dad is Googling the tweets so he can see some of the replies, please be nice lol

told my dad that people have asked if he’s been to Taco Bell. he has issued the following: “yes I have, in the eighties, when they still gave you black olives in their burritos supreme. and not since.”

getting word that my dad and his taco are trending on Reddit over at r/whitepeopletwitter. not to cramp anyone’s good time, but he is Mexican.

did you lot learn nothing from Hispanic heritage month.....

asked my dad how he’s dealing with fame, he says he and my mom are getting a retroactive pre-nup