Thread by @monaeltahawy

#ThisIs54: It's not my birthday. It's my latest addition to Woman in Her 50s album. For too long, I'd been told I “didn’t look” whatever age that I was. It was said to me as if it were a compliment. It was not. It was the loathing of aging that we are socialized into. 📷@rerutled

#ThisIs54: Not for all the money in the world would I go back to being younger. My 20s and at least half of my 30s were miserable because I felt I had no power. And now here I am, with more power,being told I“didn’t look”this age I feel I’ve finally earned feministgiant.com/p/essay-my-des…

I post #ThisIs54 to say “Here is a middle aged woman. Look,” at a time when it seems that every time I look away, my body has changed. 

I write about and celebrate that change. feministgiant.com/p/essay-perime…

Much of that celebration is expressed via my hair.

When lockdown began, it was long and bright red. I shaved it all off because I could not bear to emerge from lockdown as if I’d been on vacation. It’s a global pandemic. 📷 @rerutled #ThisIs54

#ThisIs54: I am also emerging from #Perimenopause. There is “no going back to normal.” I refuse to emerge as if unscathed.

I insist that we all be scathed, that we refuse to be the people we were at the start of the pandemic. My hair celebrates that. 📷@rerutled

We cannot reverse. We will emerge, our hearts unhealed and scarred but awesome.

#perimenopause sometimes feels like trying to drive a car with the handbrake on.

#ThisIs54 is me releasing the hand brake and moving into the fear and chaos. And power. feministgiant.com/p/deliberate-b…

Being young is not a compliment.

Getting old is not an insult.

Sometimes, when the light is just right, you can see the lines in my forehead, around my eyes and mouth. Each is a story in my life. We are lucky to collect those stories. #ThisIs54 📷 @rerutled

Once while spending time with one of my nieces, she took my hand in hers and felt the veins and bumps and said to me “Tante Mona, you’re old.”

And I replied “Yes, I am, habibti.”

Please don’t reply with “But you’re not old, Mona! You don’t look 54! You’re young in spirit etc”

We age. If we are lucky, we age.

I have earned each and every year that went into making those old Tante Mona hands.

I am 54 years old. #ThisIs54 📷 @rerutled

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