Thread by @enigmatree

#WarprizeJiSeason but with a twist: The Great Evil Yiling Huli, nine-tailed demon fox, destroys a Wen stronghold and finds a pretty blue egg in the treasury, alongside books and jade. It's near death. Pitying, WWX takes it with him.

Meanwhile, Dragonji is going crazy from worry.

The egg that he lay by a twist of fate was in the Cloud Recesses during the Wen attack. It was viable, it was going to be his child, he had already chosen names and made a seventy step plan for its future-- it's been missing for more than a year.

Dragon eggs are highly resilient. They can be layed by any single dragon; with or without a mate. If viable, it can last for a long time without any attention by hibernating in a hard shell. And when it receives the warmth of a prospective parent, it can hatch in a few months.

But there is a limit.

And Dragonji's baby is probably going to reach it soon.

So if Drangonji rages around Qishan, absolutely demolishing the Wen Empire and terrifying every single cultivator just trying to do their little jobs waging war.

Meanwhile, smash cut to the Burial Mounds, where the terrifying Yiling Huli and the band of Wen tigers who have defected to his evil palace are running like headless chickens trying to make the egg more comfortable.

"Just lay down on it!" Wen Qing yells, "Idiots!"

WWX leaps into his fox form and curls around the tiny form of the egg, covering it with his big tails.

"It's becoming bouncier!" He yipps in panic, nudging the egg with his nose and feeling the movement within, "Is that normal?"

WQ shrugs. "It may be a cold-blooded cultivator."

"I guess we... we won't know until the baby feels safe enough to... to hatch?" WN says, crouched next to WWX near the fire, watching the shimmering blue of the egg peeking between WWX's tails.

"It may take a long time," WQ warns.

"Hrmh!" WWX sniffs, laying his chin on the baby.

WQ sighs. "The war against WRH is still going on you know."

"No issue," WWX growls a little, rumbling, "Wen Ning you lay on my baby! I'm going to go stop a war!"

"Okay!" WN shifts into a huge white tiger, shaking his fur. "Can I be the Shushu?" He asks as he does as told.

Smash cut back to Dragonji and the crowd of little human-sized Lans surrounding him, trying to tell him that he has to stop raging around because the YLHL is arriving to the war meeting and LWJ is expected to be there too.

Dragonji: I had never heard such bullshit before.

WWX strides into the camp with his black robes and enormous tails swishing behind, in a great fury to just end this war so he can go back to his kid.

Simultaneously, LWJ stomps into the camp in great ire to just finish this meeting so he can go back to searching for his kid.

The the wind changes direction and LWJ freezes in place. His head SNAPS towards where WWX is walking.

Lan Xichen, beside him, "Um. Wangji?"

But LWJ is already powerwalking towards the terrible Yiling Huli. "A Lan dragon?" YLHL glances over, eyes red, "What do you want?"

LXC watches with great shock and terror as Dragonji ignores this question, grabs the Yiling Huli's lapels and plasters himself onto the fox, sniffing over his neck and under his jaw.

"WHAT the fuck--!" YLHL pushes LWJ and jumps back himself, covering his neck with his sleeve.

"...it's YOU," LWJ growls, his vocal cords nearly dragon, "You are the one who DARED to take my--"

"Seriously?! Even the LANS?" YLHL sighs, combing back his ears, "Look I don't know who it was that took your virginity but it wasn't me! MAN if I received a tael for every time..."

The YLHL leaves, still grumbling under his breath, and marches towards the biggest tent where he will be meeting the Sect Leaders.

Meanwhile, LWJ watches him, vibrating with such fury that he can't even speak.

Also meanwhile, every other cultivator watching this happen: 👁️👄👁️

A few dozens of minutes later, in the war meeting, the Sect Leaders are pleased and proud of their great thinking. YLHL has demanded reparations for the aid he will be giving! Silks, gold, silver, spice! But the sects have the great idea that they can cut off a little... if...

If they gift the YLHL a certain dragon who's virtue he seems to have stolen like the evil rogue he is! Surely the Second Jade Dragon is worth at least 40 percent of what the YLHL wants! And the Lan Sect can't pay much anyways, so they should cough out a warprize instead!

LXC opens his mouth to fuck them up!

"Good. I am leaving tomorrow at dawn," LWJ declares.

LXC closes his mouth because flies are about to enter it!

LXC, rushes into LWJ's tent. "Wangji! Why!"

"He has my kid." LWJ packs his stuff very aggressively, already imagining how he'll take his baby back and hightail back to the CR, "A marriage is no issue compared to a demon fox hiding my kid."

"Oh. That makes sense," LXC realises.

"So you'll wait until marry the YLHL, find your egg, wait until he fulfills his promise to end WRH, and return immediately?" LXC reiterates.

"Mn," LWJ nods, already testing the wedding gold horn ornaments that some sect leaders have sent.

LXC, 'Hm. Why am I so scared suddenly?'

At this time, WWX has signed it a little too fast to go check up on his tiny baby and is now regretting it. "What do you MEAN the warprize was included!" He cries to WQ, "Aren't those supposed to be optional?!"

"Do you want the money AND spouse or just the NOTHING?" WQ hits him.

"Do I have to--"

"You don't have to fuck him," WQ says exasperatedly, glaring, "Did you even READ this contract?!"

WWX hides into a tiny ball over his beautiful little egg. "I read the part where they'll give us lots of money!"

"I swear you used to be SMARTER before the kid!"