Thread by @BrvHrt09

CW: MAiD Suicide Sexual/Child Abuse

C7 #MAiD drops suicide ideation in minds of disabled ppl who may not have thought abt dying otherwise. Increases suicidality for ppl w mental illness already depressed, suicidal. Why do ableds get suicide prevention but not us? My continuum🧵

C7 #MAiD was passed, and like for every disabled person, I now knew my suicide is acceptable, state sanctioned, welcomed, encouraged. (I don’t care what govt or any “expert” says, that’s the msg.) Then 2 months later my physical pain begins to become more intolerable. Depression.

I now have brand new disabilities and struggle coming to terms with them. Esp in the face of a discriminatory healthcare system that abandons, disbelieves and blames me — even tho withholding care made this worse. Every medical appt is traumatic and dehumanizing. Depression.

I can barely afford basics, let alone treatments apart from my drs or assistive devices to make my body less painful and life doable. Internalized ableism stews in a pot w medical ableism, abuse & neglect that mirrors the severe neglect and abuse of childhood. Severe Depression.

Now, nearly 1 yr to the day after Bill C7 passed, which I opposed. I’m the one sitting in my drs office requesting #MAiD for myself. When my depression and retriggered PTSD got worse and worse, as my suicidality went from passive to active, I now had a law telling me — GO FOR IT!

Long before I even became #SuicideDue2Pain and med trauma. #MAiD sat in the corner of my mind. I can’t even tell you which came 1st? My own suicide ideations or the idea that if I couldn’t get help from my dr, at least she’d kill me. That’s harsh and painful but Cdn reality now.

When life got harder and I couldn’t find mental health services or therapy. When suicide ideations came hard and fast, my only resistance was WAIT! Now I can make sure to get the job done. The law tells me sure we’ll help. Govt, media, society tell me this is dignified. Peaceful.

I have neither dignity nor peace. And here’s the kicker. In the last couple months since I made my desire for ASSISTED SUICIDE known to my dr (call it what it is) I’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by crip community @DisabilityFili1. So many disabled people are isolated.

Thx to DF peeps, resources I said I needed to live have *begun* to surface. My dr now believes me and “wants to help u anyway I can.” Tho still refuse pain meds which for many reasons is traumatizing and wearing me down. Still, there’s movement that should end my want of MAiD rt?

This @DisabilityFili1 session with @SpringHawes excellent teaching on everyday ableism together with all the panelists contributions *began* to heal my own internalized ableism and reasons for requesting MAiD. (Everyone including lawmakers should watch it)

Yet at the end @franfreemanhkh, a healer, wisely spoke to all crips bc just in case marginalized, poor, excluded, often disdained disabled ppl in canada didn’t have enough to deal w trying to stay alive. Crips will now need a new sort of suicide prevention

There are unique reasons why MAiD has flipped a switch in me, that I’m not sure I can or tbh want to turn off. I am tortured rn physically, emotionally, psychologically. I’ve already survived actual torture in childhood, being sex trafficked as a kid and the most severe neglect.

I get it. The MAiD monkey on my back, whispering in my ear has a lot of past and present pain to exploit. But a lot of ppl have survived trauma. Why should only disabled people, people with mental illness have ours met w/ an invitation or encouragement to be killed by the state?

I did not ask for this. Disabled people w/o resources, ppl with chronic pain, ppl with mental illness, w depression, w PTSD need a lot of things. An assisted suicide law is not one of em. C7 is cruel and predatory to ppl who need support, care, hope. #MAiD undermines everything.

@threadreaderapp roll up please