Thread by @uzbadyubi

Okay let's do it! #YubiViews for the original Star Trek season! I know it's ridiculous to beg to not be spoiled for a show that's like 60 years old, but I'm begging regardless, I have never seen a Star Trek, original or modern. Here's what I know about Star Trek:

1/

1) It's not Star Wars.
2) Captain Kirk is a human man and he's the boss.
3) Spock Lastname is a Vulcan man and he's... the boss's best friend and also their bRomance spawned modern day fandom so we must pay homage to the OG OTP
4) Bones is the doc, he's scottish,--

2/ #YubiViews

and he's also I think a human man. I think only Spock is alien?
5) Uhura! She's Nichelle Nichols and I know her role on ST was absolutely groundbreaking, and I am extremely excited to get to see her in action. I'm not sure what she does on the ship but I'm hype!!!

3/ #YubiViews

6) SCOTTY BEAM ME UP. i have no further context for this. idk who scotty is or who he's beaming up. or why. or where.
7) Klingons! This has to be Star Trek because it's not Star Wars and I've seen that one. I can't promise I won't get nerdy about conlangs.

4/ #YubiViews

Also, importantly, I know this was made in the 60s. I know it did a lot of good, important, revolutionary things for the time. I'm sure I will, as a 2022 viewer with no nostalgia, have 'yikes!' moments. It is good to watch media with critical thought and nuance!

5/ #YubiViews

I think (hope!) folks are gonna get hype with me! I understand this is a super special show for a huge amount of people! Please do try not to 'spoil' me, or put me down for not knowing things (I'll link explanations below). I will mute and block if needed.

6/ #YubiViews

I'll hopefully do an episode a day or so, but I am working full time freelance and often visit my grandma etc, so some days I might not be home to do one!
( explanation thread for Why I Haven't Seen Things)

7/ #YubiViews

HERE WE GO! Oh wow we're starting EXTREMELY strong with the effects, I am already charmed tbh!!!

8/ #YubiViews

I like that it starts on episode 0. 'The Cage'. Spooky.

Wahey! We've got Kirk and Spock right away! I am also Extremely Into those thick collars on these outfits, I love them.

9/ #YubiViews

WHO ARE THESE TWO PEOPLE JUST ON HOLIDAY ON THE SPACE SHIP

IS THIS A CRUISE SHIP??? I thought it was some kind of... actually I have no idea but is it just a holiday ship in space!?

10// #YubiViews

I'm assuming this is Bones??? ngl he is older than I thought and also I'm not sure about a martini being medicine my dude

11/ #YubiViews

aww kirk is burned out!!! that's tough, buddy!!! but hey good news there's survivors down there!!!

i have yet to spot Uhura though, maybe we rescue her and that's how she comes aboard!

(I'm also going to just skip right past the little 'women on the bridge bit')

12/ #YubiViews

OHHHH THESE EFFECTS I AM IN LOVE LOOK AT THIS SET LOOK AT THIS PAINTED BACKDROP

WHY HAS EVERYONE PUT ON AN IDENTICAL SWEATER THOUGH THAT'S GONNA BAMBOOZLE ME (except spock i'd know those eyebrows anywhere)

i had absolutely not recovered from the village of old scraggly dudes with the One Smokin' Hot Blonde Lady In Fashionable Clothing before I was hit with THIS transition and THESE dudes and I don't know what I'm experiencing but it's A LOT

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OH NO THEY WERE ALL AN ILLUSION AND KIRK JUST GOT MACED AND KIDNAPPED BY THE ALIENS

that does explain her immaculate make up tbh but this is going to definitely not help his burnout

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chewbacca????

16/ #YubiViews

WOAH HOLD ON

WHO THE FUCK IS CHRISTOPHER PIKE

Is this not Kirk??? Is that not William Shatner or w/e????? oh fuck please don't tell me i just absolutely humiliated myself in under 20 tweets AM I WATCHING THE RIGHT SHOW? THAT WAS DEFINITELY SPOCK!!!!

17/ #YubiViews

okay maybe he's just lying about his name to trick these telepathic alien people, maybe i will be saved but i am now doubting that is william shatner (who i WAS sure played kirk but am now doubting that too)???

ANYWAY BOTH HE AND I FEEL PRETTY SILLY RN I BET.

18/ #YubiViews

this man is getting psycho-analysed and it's BRUTAL and i'm LIVING FOR IT

i'm also living for the sound effect when he fights the glass tbh.

uh oh what experiment kirk/chris WHAT EXPERIMENT!!!

19/ #YubiViews

FUCK THE BLONDE DUDE JUST SAID CAPTAIN PIKE TOO oh lord oh no does he change his name??? is this william shatner??? I have lost all grasp on what I thought he looked like.

also this dude is HUNGRY for pretty blondes please don't make me watch lots of kissing

20/ #YubiViews

boy this was a Costume Choice with Connotations, huh

also is this the same blonde lady??? I think so because kirkchris said "why did they choose the same girl" but I thought she was an illusion???

I AM GETTING JERKED AROUND ALL OVER HERE

21/ #YubiViews

"I can wear whatever you wish. Be anything you wish."

"So they can see how this specimen performs?" / "Do they do more than just watch me, do they feel with me, too?"

CHRIST PLEASE TELL ME STAR TREK ISN'T MEGA HORNY THIS IS READING LIKE A FANFIC WHAT'S HAPPENING

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'LET ME PLEASE YOU'

GOOD LORD, STAR TREK

i am also obsessed with these rainbow explosions as they try to destroy the door

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OH MY GOD IS THE GODDAMN PLOT OF THIS LITERALLY 'HEY WE CAUGHT A HUMAN MAN WE WANNA WATCH HIM FUCK' IS THIS WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE HIS CELL HAS A BED IN IT! ARE THE ALIENS GENUINELY JUST WANTING TO WATCH HIM?? MY DUDES THERE'S GOTTA BE PORN OUT THERE AND NOT THIS

24// #YubiViews

there was a big war, the planet got razed, the survivors got Big Brains but forgot how to think, so now they just sit around all day watching memory tv AND ALSO WATCHING PEOPLE FUCK AS LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

AM I GETTING THIS RIGHT

AM I FOLLOWING

25/ #YubiViews

i cannot believe the essence of the first episode of star trek is basically a fuck or die fanfic

kirkchris is going to retire to that horse farm in idaho or whatever as soon as he gets outta here this man is going to need THERAPY

26/ #YubiViews

oh my fucking god i did it again

THE NEXT SCENE IS THE FUCKING HORSE FARM IN SPACE MONTANA ARE YOU KIDDING DJKSJKDSDJK

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oh my god the aliens can't read your mind if you're REALLY ANGRY lmfaooooo

you gotta hulk out kirkchris YOU GOTTA BE ANGRY ALL THE TIME

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hold up wait a moment she's going to be pretty old irl right if she's been here years and years??? how's she going to be making all these proposed babies?????? AND HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ABOUT THE NEED FOR DIVERSITY IN GENETICS???

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oh NOW what's going on??? are we getting into kirkchris's Naughty Fantasies?

I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW THIS MUCH ABOUT THE DUDE'S SEXUAL APPETITE IN EPISODE 0, MAN. COME ON. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE LAZERS AND KLINGONS AND I GOT SMUT!!! I'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!!!

30/ #YubiViews

this does not have subtitles but i think spock just shouted "NO WOMEN" and i am losing my mind

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"NO, LET ME FINISH!"

DJFDJKDFUID I'M LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW

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"you don't like the woman we made for you so here's two more and why you should fuck them"

i cannot believe this is star trek but maybe i should've picked up on the WILD VIBE from w/e that half of the incel from aberdeen ep was on about

33/ #YubiViews

SPOCK'S LEAVING LMFAO

IS THIS HOW ACTUAL KIRK COMES IN IF THAT'S NOT KIRK JUST SPOCK JUST GO "welp lost that captain to alien sex stuff time to find another one"

THAT CAN'T BE HOW THIS SHOW STARTS

IT CAN'T BE

34/ #YubiViews

OH HE GOT ONE

GO ON, NOTKIRK, SPOCK'S ABOUT TO FUCK OFF WITHOUT YOU

35/ #YubiViews

oh god i didn't notice how all the veins in their heads move and stuff

"actually you're too violent and dangerous for us to make you nice" WELP I MEAN

"you having sex was our last hope :("

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

36/ #YubiViews

okay this is tragic but also come on she's still beautiful??? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING HER SHE CAN COME TOO YOU'RE IN SPACE FOR GOD'S SAKE

IS SHE REALLY GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING ABOUT FUCKING NOTKIRK

37// #YubiViews

goodbye weird alien fuckfest planet, thank you for an introduction to this series i could never, ever have dreamed of. i am shaken, i have lost all grasp on what i thought star trek was, and i cannot wait to watch more

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OKAY NOW I'LL GO THROUGH REPLIES AND STUFF AND HOPEFULLY WATCH ANOTHER ONE TOMORROW BUT MY GOD WHAT A WILD RIDE THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME

( if you'd like to support me I am saving up for uni in September!)

39/ #YubiViews

IT WAS THE FUCKING PILOT EPISODE??? THAT WASN'T KIRK BUT SPOCK EXISTED???

OH FUCK!!! Well!! Shit! No wonder I was so confused dfjkdfjk goddamn it OKAY WELP. I GUESS NEXT EPISODE IS THE REAL FIRST EPISODE LOL



40/ #YubiViews

i'm heading to bed but i'm genuinely so amused and so gently embarrassed that i managed to:

- watch the pilot episode and not the real first one
- completely fail to recognise william shatner
- go into star trek genuinely not knowing it's apparently VERY HORNY

41/ #YubiViews

OKAY I’M BACK I’M HERE I HOPE AT LEAST ONE ALIEN IS QUEER LET’S WATCH THE ACTUAL FIRST EPISODE OF STAR TREK

I am hoping for:
- Kirk to exist this time
- Uhura to exist this time
- Less aliens wanting to watch humans fuck / fuck humans
- More Spock
- Bones???

42/ #YubiViews

AHHHHHH OKAY OKAY OKAY I SEE UHURA AND SPOCK I AM ALREADY AT 50% MOST PLEASED

Though is Spock in the captain’s chair??? Have we not met Kirk yet??? Are we going to rescue HIM from an alien sex dungeon?? Is that a young Hugh Dennis there??? Also fuck yes subtitles

43/ #YubiViews

OH KIRK AND BONES! WILLIAM SHATNER!!! I FOUND HIM!

Okay so we’re visiting the planet of One Archeologist And His Wife Who Used To Be Bones’s Ex, neat. Also uhhhh are we seeing Bones/Kirk flirting because 👀 i could be tempted. Also Kirk that’s grass not flowers.

44 / #YubiViews

Oh his actual name is McCoy? Like the crisps. Also I do like that the archaeologist is called Crater, that’s fun!

And here’s Nancy! Lovely! What a nice start I’m sure nothing weird is going to happen here!

45/ #YubiViews

Captain Jim Kirk! Finally! We got him, lads. I like that he’s called Jim, it’s like when cats have human names. You’re in space you could have picked anything but he’s still Jim and this is Leonard and this is Nancy. Amazing. I love it.

46/ #YubiViews

Oh Jesus Nancy you’re still gorgeous but you’ve either got some seriously Aging lights in your gaff or you’re some illusion like the last hot woman!!! NANCY I HOPE YOU’RE REAL AND NOT ANOTHER ALIEN GETTING THEIR ROCKS OFF WITH SOME HUMAN MAN NAMED RODGER OR W/E

47 / #YubiViews

Ah fuck ARE ALL WOMEN WHO EXIST OUTSIDE OF THE ENTERPRISE ILLUSIONS

IS THIS THE SECRET TO STAR TREK

48 / #YubiViews

plum :)

for real though Nancy (IF YOU ARE EVEN NANCY) what’s your deal ma’am why are you now trying to get it on with Darnell cmon we promised no horny this time didn’t we????

49/ #YubiViews

OH THIS IS THE ONE WITH THIS SPEECH!!! Space, the final frontier! I knew that part! I didn’t know the rest of it and UHH OOPS I MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE LINES “To boldly go where no man has gone before” WERE FROM THE ACTUAL… MOON LANDING… STUFF…….shit

50/ / #YubiViews

IM SORRY IS THIS EPISODE CALLED “THE MAN TRAP”

Oh god it’s gonna be horny isn’t it

This archaeologist is being Quite Ornery but I think it’s because he knows somethings up with his “”””””WIFE””””” hmmmn

51/ #YubiViews

Aw shit screams on a deserted planet are never good!!!

52/ #YubiViews

NANCY WHAT DID YOU DO

WHAT DID YOU DO

53/ #YubiViews

ATE A FUNNY PLANT MY ASS NANCY YOU TENTACLED SUCKERED HIM AND PUT A FUCKIN GRAPE IN HIS MOUTH

WHAT DO YOU EAT NANCY, IS IT SOULS? OR IS THIS GOING TO BE A WEIRD SEX THING AGAIN?

54/ #YubiViews

Oh you’re worried about salt are you Nancy. Worried about salt huh. I swear to Christ if you got Nasty with him to make him sweaty and then DEVOURED HIS SALT AND KILLED HIM…….

55 / #YubiViews

Okay now actually i could get into this ship, I just want Uhura to have whoever she wants and to be happy and if that’s Spock then all the more power to you, I am also uncomfortably attracted to people in bright eyeshadow and pointed ears

56// #YubiViews

Vulcan has no moon! So now if we ever see a moon over Vulcan we know it’s probably an illusionary woman because some alien wants to bang

57/ #YubiViews

oh my god they’re friends

WAIT AM I GOING TO GET TO SEE A FRIENDSHIP BLOSSOM ON SCREEN AM I GOING TO GET TO SEE PEOPLE BECOME… CLOSER? Oh i am HYPED for that i want that a LOT

Also v into Kirk being like ‘shut up about ur hots for nancy, bones, a man is dead!’

58 / #YubiViews

AHHH okay so Uhura is the communications head and Spock is… very smart? Nonhuman computer? He’s the voice of Logic and Reason against all that silly human Emotions!!!! I’m assuming he has feelings he’s just really good at instant compartmentalising them

59/ #YubiViews

FUCK SHE SUCKED THE SALT RIGHT OUTTA HIM

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god it’s the worst kind of sex thing it’s a THINLY VEILED SEX THING WHERE WE COULD ALL MAKE JOKES ABOUT SALTY STUFF BUT NO WE GOTTA PRETEND ITS ALL FINE AND THERES NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT GETTING DESALTED

Also I, like Kirk, am also deeply distrustful of mysteries.

61/ #YubiViews

NANCY!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!!!

STOP EATING MAN SALT NANCY YOU’RE KILLING THEM

62/ #YubiViews

STOP THINKING WITH YOUR GLANDS skdjfjd YEAH I THINK WE COULD APPLY THAT MORE BROADLY TO THE SERIES, STAR TREK

also Nancy what’s the plan here are you gonna desalt the whole crew and hope no one works it out like cmon, babe

63/ #YubiViews

Oh, Sulu! I’ve heard this name! And that’s George Takai, right?? What a cutie i love how the ship has a botany department!!!

I also love that the plant knows something is UP with ‘Green’

64/ #YubiViews

Oh!!! Swahili!!! That’s so cool! I love that a lot!!! I don’t like Nancy trying to kill Uhura though I hate that!!!

I am also absolutely going to have that coms whistle as a tic oh god

65/ #YubiViews

Bones man come on you know that’s not what normal people say coME ON MAN

66/ #YubiViews

SHE’S STOLEN YOUR BONES, BONES!!! SHE’S STEALING IDENTITIES LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE!!!!

67/ #YubiViews

DID SPOCK AND KIRK JUST SHOOT DR CRATER??? I FUCKIN HOPE THAT WAS A SPACE STUN GUN AND NOT YOU JUST LAZERD HIM

(Sorry i needed to pee and set up my bed I’M BACK)

68/ #YubiViews

Ok they did just stun him lmao stunned him so hard he changed his whole voice!!!!

Also uh sulu i got BAD NEWS ABOUT THAT

69/ #YubiViews (i can’t believe it’s not horny and we’re at this tweet number YOU HAD ONE JOB STAR TREK)

AHH CRATER KNOWS IT’S RIGHT THERE!!! HE CAN SEE IT AND HE’S NOT GONNA TELL! AHH!!

I mean I’m like… just give them some salt and leave them to it. the creature did kill a lot of them but like… idk I’m sort of siding with the whole ‘doesn’t it deserve life too’

70/ #YubiViews

WELL THANK GOD SOMEONE DID

Also RIP crater I’m sorry you died i think you should have gotten to live your alien partner fantasy all alone on that huge fucking planet if you wanted

71/ #YubiViews

Oh god there’s different biologies isn’t there

There’s all sorts of physiological differences between humans and aliens isn’t there

This is like homestuck all over again whats the Vulcan equivalent of a bucket is it holding hands or playing footsie

God the fic

72/ #YubiViews

Also just to add real quick:

Let me not know things. I don’t check my notifs during episodes, but please, it’s okay for me to not know things which are later explained! Telling me things means I don’t get to be surprised by them later! It’s okay I don’t know—

73/ #YubiViews

the lore or the trivia or the nuances of what’s going on, it’s way more fun for me and I think also you for me to go WELL WHAT THE HELL IS SPOCK’S JOB and make wild guesses all the way up until the show tells me! Share facts AFTER they come up in show, not before!

74/ #YubiViews

OH NO SHE’S SUCKING KIRK’S SALT OUT

75/ #YubiViews

SPOCK JUST LEAPT IN AND VULCAN MEAT SHIELDED BETWEEN NANCY AND KIRK

C’MON BONES IT’S NOT NANCY YOU’VE GOT A STUN FEATURE ON YOUR GUNS JUST KNOCK HER OUT REAL QUICK OR SOMETHING

76/ #YubiViews

Oh my god Spock is just wailing on her and she does not give a SHIT about his slaps!!! But one of hers knocks him clean across the room!!! COME ON BONES DO SOMETHING

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WHAT THE JESUS CHRIST IS THAT

78 / #YubiViews

WELP. RIP NANCY, NOT-NANCY, AND BOB. CONGRATS YOU HAD A WILD FATALITY RATE FOR A YEARLY MEDICAL CHECK UP, GOOD JOB!

Seriously tho that was A LOT of fun and I loved it! I am so excited to watch more and I am enjoying the characters a lot! Join me next time!

79/ #YubiViews

ALREET I wasn't going to do one tonight because I'm very fatigued (fuck u covid) but i got my dinner and I wanna watch another so let's do it!!! OFF TO SPACE WE GO!

80/ #YubiViews
As a reminder:

Okay okay starting out strong, we've got a cargo ship and an 'unusual passenger'

who's willing to bet it's an alien who wants to fuck some humans, or it's the illusion of a woman? i'm getting wise to your tricks, star trek

81/ #YubiViews

it's WORSE

it's a TEENAGER

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uh what the heck was that charlie

are you doing mind control stuff

i feel like this is the universal signal for "i am in control of your brain now"

83/ #YubiViews

ALONE ON A PLANET? EVERYONE KILLED? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY ARE ON THE SHIP?

ARE YOU DEFINITELY HUMAN, CHARLIE? OR ARE YOU ALSO THE ILLUSION OF A PERSON HERE TO STEAL SALT???

84/ #YubiViews

ok let's say Charlie is just a human who managed to survive and has no social skills and isn't going to try to kill everyone, because in that case, this could just be a heart warming episode of teaching him how to live with people and have manners or something

85/ #YubiViews

oh god it's going to be another horny one isn't it

86/ #YubiViews

IS THAT A GIRL JKSDJKJKS

KIRK YOU GOTTA GIVE THAT BOY THE TALK REAL QUICK MY DUDE

OH GODDDD THIS IS GOING TO BE A WEIRD HORNY ONE AGAIN ISN'T IT AUGHHH WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE A TEENAGE BOY WHY

87/ #YubiViews

i know it won't be but if this episode is charlie having an awkward crush on McCoy or Kirk i'd be here for it, that's the sort of teenage realism i wanna see!

alas i am picking up major red flags about this dude and i think he will instead do murders

88/ #YubiViews

CHARLIE YOU DID NOT JUST SMACK HER ASS

CHARLIE!!! NO!!!

KIRK YOU BETTER TELL HIM REAL QUICK THAT'S NOT OKAY

89/ #YubiViews

"Why don't you tell Captain Kirk and Dr McCoy what you did, and they'll explain it to you."

I WAS JOKING ABOUT GIVING HIM THE TALK

GOD PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THEM GIVE HIM THE TALK HAVE MERCY ON ME

90/ #YubiViews

jksdfjksjkd McCoy has been assigned "Explain the medical problems of teenage adolescence" AND LIKE OKAY I'M GLAD THAT THE FIRST REACTION IS "woah we gotta catch him up about stuff" BECAUSE YES. TRUE.

BUT ALSO!!

(also 'father figure' bones u are a FLATTERER)

91/ #YubiViews

can i raise you charlie now has three dads and it's bones, spock, and kirk?

92/ #YubiViews

Loving: Spock playing a harp and Uhura singing along with him

Kombucha-Girling: at the LYRICS of this song UHURA WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SONG

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uh pretty sure it's gonna be murder

94/ #YubiViews

NOT MAGIC TRICKS

I FUCKING HATE MAGIC TRICKS

95/ #YubiViews

CHARLIE JUST SLAPPED CAPTAIN KIRK ON THE ASS

I AM LOSING MY SHIT

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"THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY TO HIT A WOMAN" fkdjfkdj

KIRK THAT WAS A TERRIBLE EXPLANATION

97/ #YubiViews

oh fuck charlie just blew the trading ship up and put real turkeys in the oven

HE'S CHANGING REALITY MY DUDES

98/ #YubiViews

to be fair to charlie i also get incredibly frustrated when i play chess and wish i could melt the pieces

99/ #YubiViews

CHARLIE

CHRIST ALMIGHTY

100/ #YubiViews

i think it's janice's absolutely incredible basket woven hair that's captured his heart

101/ #YubiViews

THE LOOK OF A MURDERER, JANICE, SAY IT AS IT IS, HE'S BEING EXCEPTIONALLY CREEPY RIGHT NOW AND YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SAY "I THINK HE MIGHT MURDER ME" BECAUSE THAT'S VERY MUCH THE VIBE HE'S GIVING OFF

102/ #YubiViews

OH NO KIRK'S GIVING HIM THE TALK

GOD SAVE ME

103/ #YubiViews

I WANT TO BELIEVE HE'S JUST AN ANGSTY TEEN WHO WENT THROUGH TERRIBLE TRAUMA BUT ALSO CHARLIE YOU CAN'T BE ACTING LIKE THIS MY DUDE

104/ #YubiViews

tbf Kirk's saying GOOD STUFF: Be gentle, Be soft, don't press, Its not a one way street, its how the girl feels too, there are a million things in this universe you can have and a million things you can't have, it's no fun facing it but that's the way things are.

105/ #YubiViews

oh now we're doing some bonding through exercise and STUNTS!!!

106/ #YubiViews

CHARLIE THAT'S BAD SPORTSMANSHIP TO WINK A MAN OUT OF EXISTENCE

107/ #YubiViews

fuckin hell kirk is BRAVE tho

he has just watched this kid DELETE A MAN and he's like "GO TO YOUR ROOM. GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW OR I'LL CARRY YOU THERE MYSELF."

THIS MAN KNOWS NO FEAR

108/ #YubiViews

the council of dads

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absolute worst case scenario tbh

110/ #YubiViews

CHARLIE YOU CAN'T JUST TURN PEOPLE INTO LIZARDS MAN, WTF

aw fuck janice i'm so sorry you didn't deserve this you're so wonderful

111/ #YubiViews

i'd say this dude is a walking red flag BUT HE'S ALREADY MASS MURDERED PEOPLE

IF JANICE MAKES IT OUT THIS EPISODE ALIVE SHE'S A STATISTICAL ANOMOLY

(also i'm a little mad men like this still v much exist 60yrs on. tw domestic abuse / DV)

112/ #YubiViews

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

NO JANICE!!! NO!!!

113/ #YubiViews

im gonna kill charlie myself

114/ #YubiViews

FUCKING HELL HE'S DELETING WALLS AND FACES AND THE NATURAL PROGESSION OF AGE

MY GOD IT'S ONLY EPISODE 2

115/ #YubiViews

FUCK YES OVERLOAD HIS POWER SYSTEM BLOW HIS FUSE LIKE A BADLY WIRED TOASTER

116/ #YubiViews

JANICE IS BACK? WHAT THE HECK BUT ALSO FUCK YES!!!!

117/ #YubiViews

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WHO IS THIS

118/ #YubiViews

IT'S TOO LATE FOR ALL YOUR SORRIES AND PROMISES CHARLIE YOU DON'T GET THAT

BUT FUCK WELL DONE KIRK FOR LIKE, TRYING? FOR BELIEVING IN THE BEST OF HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S BEEN OBJECTIVELY AWFUL???

LIKE I DO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM BUT ALSO MY DUDE???

119/ #YubiViews

dear god what a fuckin hollow ending to that episode! MY WORD. SOME FUCKING 'THE ROAD' SHIT. DOOMED TO A LIFE WITHOUT LOVE OR TOUCH BECAUSE YOU GOT A POWER AT 3YRS OLD AND CAN'T NOT USE IT???

fuck me that was deep! i was not prepared!!!

WELL. EPISODE 2, HUH.

120/ #YubiViews

THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING ME THAT WAS SUPER FUN AND HONESTLY, DAMN. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT LEVEL OF SHIT TBH.

Until next time??? I'm gonna need to sleep on this one and PROCESS

121/ #YubiViews

ALREET MY PALS WHO'S READY FOR EPISODE 3 OF STAR TREK? IT'S ME! I'M READY! First up as per usual:

122/ #YubiViews

now ngl, i was thinking today about how people said Star Trek pretty much invented a bunch of fanfic tropes, and this has intrigued me. so i thought i'd lay out some of my fanfic trope predictions and at the end of an ep, do a tongue-in-cheek tag list. So...

123/ #YubiViews

my bets are: there's gotta be alien dicks. different biologies. i forget the actual tag for it. there's just gotta be, i feel it in my bones. also 'fuck or die' but that's cheating we had that in EPISODE 0. sex pollen. i feel strongly there'll be a sex pollen ep.

124/ #YubiViews

'it's a cold night and there's only one bed'. I feel good about that one. someone goes into heat or alien heat equivalent and YES this is DIFFERENT from sex pollen (bonus points for someone important). FAKE MARRIAGE AU WHY THE FUCK NOT. I'M EMBRACING THIS.

125/ #YubiViews

uhh oh 'different mating rituals', someone do something mundane and the other is like 'oh so we're married now huh'. BODY SWAP. Oh there's GOTTA be a body swap in there, there has to be. Coffee shop au that shit had to come from somewhere show me barista Spock.

126/ #YubiViews

if there's tentacle stuff i'll riot. i'm running out of ideas UHHH fuck what else is there that's a classic one... doppelganger??? i feel like that's a classic one but maybe it's niche. ok i have hurt my brain thinking too hard LET'S WATCH STAR TREK

127/ #YubiViews

now 1) this episode is called "Where No Man Has Gone Before" so i'm assuming it's Somewhere With A Woman Who Isn't An Illusion Or From The Ship, and 2) i feel like we're skipping around a bit in time??? i will check after the ep.

128/ #YubiViews

ooooooh distress signal from a lost earth ship! maybe we've got a space Flying Dutchman situation.

also why have the make up people punished Spock with that foundation my poor dude is GREEN today

129/ #YubiViews

Spock the more you try to convince me you have no emotions the more i suspect you do have emotions actually. it's the way you go "ahahaha emotions lol who'd have them not me i'm an alien unlike all you humans NOT ME I SAID NOT ME" it's ok bud u can have some too

130/ #YubiViews

OH WAIT WHAT

WAIT IS SPOCK ACTUALLY A BIT HUMAN

WAIT

WHAT

131/ #YubiViews

yubiviews in a nutshell FUCK

132/ #YubiViews

IS SPOCK ACTUALLY A BIT HUMAN thats so fucking funny ok pal u keep fighting ur silly human emotional side Mr Illogical My Ass

ok now look i've got to concentrate we've brought a weird flashing thing on board and i'm betting it's a BOMB or THE ILLUSION OF A WOMAN

133/ #YubiViews

Kirk: -Giving Important Captain Speech-
Spock: --THE TAPES ARE BURNED OUT, TRYING THE MEMORY BANK.
Kirk: ... Anyway

dfjkdfjk

134/ #YubiViews

"Study crew reactions in emergency conditions" UH HUH OKAY

she's an illusion i'm calling it now

or an alien who feeds on fear and panic and is going to FUCK SHIT UP

(she can eat the man who just called her frigid tho, devour him right up in a not sexy way)

135/ #YubiViews

REQUESTS FOR ANYTHING CONCERNING ESP IN HUMAN BEINGS

THAT'S GHOST SHIT OR PSYCHIC SHIT I CAN'T REMEMBER

ARE YOU ABOUT TO BE HAUNTED BY CBT AND GROUNDING EXERCISES

ARE YOUR GOOD VIBES FOR DINNER

136/ #YubiViews

"esp huh hey new hot and myserious person what do you know about esp"
"oh i'm good at it :)"

MAN, KIRK

COME ON

YOU CANNOT BE THIS WEAK FOR HOT BLONDES!!! COME ON MAN!!! YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE YOUR BRAINWAVES SNACKED ON OR SOMETHING

137/ #YubiViews

"huh so the captain made the ship destroy itself when it was invaded by a Mind Alien. Let's go poke it, especially now we have a new Mind and Brain stuff person!"

this is a man who has either never once been hurt or who has been SO hurt he can survive anything

138/ #YubiViews

IS KIRK SO KIND AND DETERMINED TO SEE THE BEST OUTCOME BECAUSE HE'S BEEN HURT OR IS HE JUST THE PRECURSER TO A HIMBO

okay we're in a storm thing now i gotta concentrate computers are blowing up and LITERALLY ON FIRE

139/ #YubiViews

OH SHIT PEOPLE ARE DEFINITELLY GETTING POSSESSED UP IN HERE WE'VE GOT FLASHING INVERTED PICS OF THEM AND EVERYTHING

oh MAN how are they gonna make THIS a sex thing LET'S FIND OUT

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oh god he's got tinfoil in his eyes

WELL AT LEAST THIS POSSESSION IS OBVIOUS SO???

it only went for Dehner and Mitchell who are good at brain stuff

141/ #YubiViews

we can't have 2 episodes in a row where people use their minds to cause psychic problems, can we???

142/ #YubiViews

what the fuck is 'long hair stuff' WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

also wait is kirk a bookworm??

"I remember you back in the academy, a stack of books with legs. Watch out for Lieutenant Kirk, in his class you either think or sink." he was a professor???

143/ #YubiViews

wait what the fuck is going on i'm getting slapped around with the dead fish of backstory here hold up, Mitchell convinced a (BLONDE) lab tech to date kirk and he almost married her at some point? and now Mitchell is "haha be nice to me :)"

am i

am i following

144/ #YubiViews

and now Mitchell is reading Spinoza? 1600s philosopher and theologist Spinoza? 'God didn't write the Bible, people did' and 'there's no such thing as miracles because a miracle indicates God did something wrong and fixed it but God can do nothing wrong' Spinoza?

145/ #YubiViews

I MAY NOT KNOW MY POPULAR MEDIA BUT I DO SORT OF KNOW MY ENLIGHTENMENT PHILOSOPHERS

wait so... esp stuff and Spinoza... God is nature because God is everything, including nature... there's no free will, it's all God's will, there's no 'Good' or 'Evil',--

146/ #YubiViews

there's just stuff that hurts other people...

ok so i guess this esp alien thinks everything it does is right to do because free will is an illusion.

LIKE WOMEN.

147/ #YubiViews

"I don't agree with him at all"

LMFAO FUCK SCRAP ALL THAT THEN FINE

148/ #YubiViews

goddamn it he's just hungry for banging again WHAT IS IT ABOUT SPACE THAT MAKES PEOPLE HORNY

Mitchell is turning into some sort of super human (OR GOD. u can't bring up Spinoza, the ONE THING I KNOW A BIT ABOUT and then drop it like that on me)

149/ #YubiViews

"Haha i can fuck around with my readings!"
"Wh--... how..."
"Hey, watch this, doc!"

-DIES-

THE UGLY LAUGH I JUST LAUGHED

OH MY GOD MITCHELL WHAT SORT OF FLEX

150/ #YubiViews

oh my god it's 'girl smell' again

the bane of Men In Star Trek and Tory MPs

STOP SNIFFING YOUR FINGERS MY DUDE PLEASE

can i add 'scent marking' to my trek fic tag list

151/ #YubiViews

HOLD ON IS THIS 'ALIENS MADE ME DO IT' WHY IS THIS DUDE SO HORNY

"THE ESP GHOST GAVE ME SUPERPOWERS AND A BONER THAT JUST WON'T QUIT" APPARENTLY

152/ #YubiViews

SCIENCE OFFICER! Spock is the Science Officer! Not just Kirk's Good Chess Buddy! Mysteries being solved left right and centre tonight!

also can everyone stop picking on spock for having either No or Some Emotions he's already clearly got a hang up about it

153/ #YubiViews

OH MY GOD IT'S THE WOMAN MURDERER FROM ABERDEEN!!! MR SCOTT!! Mr Scott of Scotty Beam Me Up???? At some point this man will murder women after hating them for some reason and i will find out what happens to him

154/ #YubiViews

very eugenics of you, ma'am

155/ #YubiViews

you know that tiktok sound that goes

"we're all gonna be safe and we're all gonna have a great time! ... WHAT THE JESUS CHRIST WAS THAT"

i feel like that's every star trek episode

156/ #YubiViews

one of my best pals i call gary so hearing kirk say
"Will you try for one moment to feel? At least act like you've got a heart? We're talking about Gary..."
DEFINITELY STIRS UP SOME EMOTIONS WAAA

also stop taking shit out on spock REPRESSION IS HARD WORK

157/ #YubiViews

OH FUCK GARY HAS LIGHTNING POWERS NOW

158/ #YubiViews

AHHHH I CALLED IT!!!!!!!! WE DIDN'T BRING UP SPINOZA FOR NOTHING AFTER ALL!!! YES I WILL CLING TO THIS LINK BECAUSE FOR ONCE I KNEW SOMETHING, OKAY

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OH

DID WE SHOCK THE GHOST OUT OF GARY

160/ #YubiViews

oh no he's back and he's angrier than ever

161/ #YubiViews

OK HOLD ON WAIT I'M CHILLY AND I WANT A CUP OF TEA EVERYONE TAKE 10 WE LOVE A SELF CARE

162/ #YubiViews

Scott: Did Mr Spock get the phaser rifle we sent down?
Kirk: I didn't order any--
-Spock walks in with a HUGE GUN-
Kirk:... yep.

163/ #YubiViews

listen... spock... i've been there, my pal. sometimes, when we get made fun of for our emotions, we convince ourselves we don't have them. but it's not true, man, this is how we end up with IBS and psychosomatic headaches! i'll help u call the gp for therapy, ok?

164/ #YubiViews

ok fr l i think spock has confused "Feeling Nothing" and "Not Reacting Emotionally". like my dude ur just really good at emotional regulation, that doesn't mean you don't FEEL things, you're just able to take a mental step back (or so i've heard the NTs can do)

165/ #YubiViews

is Dahner hungry to fuck Mitchell now because of eugenics, is that what gets her going

166/ #YubiViews

"i didn't like you when you were a misogynist but now you're a superhuman i want to have your babies because eugenics is my passion"

or she's also alien possessed and this is all one big Aliens Made Me Do It ep and i'm ragging on her unkindly

167/ #YubiViews

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

168/ #YubiViews

THE ALIENS IN STAR TREK WANT HUMANS TO FUCK *SO MUCH* AND THEY WANNA BE WATCHING IT OR PART OF IT OR SOMEHOW PRESENT DURING IT

169/ #YubiViews (NOT NICE >:[ )

-sobs- kirk you self-sacrificial little dude, forget 'the captain goes down with the ship' this man's hellbent on 'the captain DIES FOR HIS MISTAKES'

170// #YubiViews

kirk: a man became a god on my watch so the only thing i can do now is shoot him, no don't wake spock, this is definitely a good idea

171/ #YubiViews

-to the tune of Gay or European-

she's possessed AND likes eugenics!!!

172// #YubiViews

"Above all else a god needs compassion!"

we're getting DEEP!! We're talking about HUMAN FRAILTIES!!! we're exploring the HUMAN SOUL

173/ #YubiViews

IS GARY GOING TO CRUSH HIM WITH A ROCK

HE'S ALREADY DUG HIS GRAVE HOLY SHIT THAT'S OMINOUS AS FUCK

james ronald kirk that's my guess for his middle name

174/ #YubiViews

ok how dare the writers tap into my weird interest in theology and philosophical thought on the nature of god and the subjugation of people in the name of 'god' and control via worship, this feels PERSONAL

i guess there's an ep for everyone's weird niche huh >:(

175/ #YubiViews

WAIT NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY LET ME JUST MAKE THAT CLEAR REAL QUICK

176/ #YubiViews

... i invoke my right to remain silent actually

177/ #YubiViews

i know it's very serious but the purple zapping fight is extremely funny to witness fjkdfjk

178/ #YubiViews

WAIT IS KIRK JUST GOING TO BEAT GARY TO DEATH NOW

CHRIST ALMIGHTY, JIM

179/ #YubiViews

OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING FOR THE BIBLICAL ROCK

WE'RE GOING FOR THE OL' CAIN AND ABEL

180/ #YubiViews

THIS IS ONLY EPISODE 3 AND KIRK IS ABOUT TO CAVE A MAN'S HEAD IN

181/ #YubiViews

put your clothes back on how dare you show me a collarbone like that while all roughed up from fighting God, i did not decide to watch star trek to be TITILATED i will NOT succumb to your SEDUCTURY

182/ #YubiViews

GARY GOT A BIGGER ROCK

183/ #YubiViews

god this fight is actually genuinely intense

184/ #YubiViews

BURY GOD ALIVE IN THE GRAVE HE DUG FOR YOU

185/ #YubiViews

fuck off looking like that I WILL NOT BE SEDUCED

186/ #YubiViews

oh rip Dahner

you were doomed the moment you were new, a woman, and also blonde.

187/ #YubiViews

-gasp-

growth

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"I believe there's some hope for you after all, Mr Spock"

-CUE INTENSE EYECONTACT AND SMALL SHARED SMILES-

UM. EXCUSE ME. RUDE! RUDE!!! NOW WHO'S FEELING SHIT! IT'S ME ACTUALLY!!! RUDE!!!!

189/ #YubiViews

"Star Trek: You Won't Believe What's Horny!"

190/ #YubiViews

OKAY FOR REAL THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN and i'm impressed at the variations on 'aliens got human horny and did murder'. THIS IS A GOOD SHOW PALS I AM MEGA ENJOYING IT THANKS FOR NOT SPOILING STUFF FOR ME!!! Okay tags:

191/ #YubiViews

if that ep was a fic I'd tag it: #/MindControl, #/Possession, #/AliensMadeMeDoIt, #/Feelings, #/SpockExpressesEmotion, #/TW:Misogyny, #/TW:Eugenics, #/TheologyButMakeItHorny, and #/WhatIsAGodToAManWithAGun

192/ #YubiViews

Join me next time for an ep that will surely be horny also!

(And as a 0 obligation reminder: )

193/ #YubiViews

Link to the new thread so twitter doesn't devour it!

#YubiViews