Thread by @wilkins_kathryn

A thread I’ve been sitting on for months.

I believe a person’s abuse story is theirs to tell. But some victims of abuse are no longer with us to share theirs.

This is one of those stories:

There was a POC (let’s call him “Joe”) who was a member at our former church. 1/

It may be important to state that there were very few POC at our church & they were some of the only ones who voted “no” on excommunicating us). 2/

Joe was mentally ill & could at times be awkward interpersonally.

Lead pastor once scolded my husband & other elders saying “you spend too much time with Joe. He can’t be too dependent on you.” 3/

(this pastor’s been known to refuse to go to another mentally ill member’s home bc “he smells so bad it makes me gag” - not the only story like this I’ve heard).

Joe was one of only ppl who called Colby after we were excommunicated - calling to assure us that he loved us. 4/

Mere weeks after we were excommunicated, Joe sent an email to lead pastor & multiple male church members (I’ve seen screenshots):

essentially he accused lead pastor of being “condescending, smug, & arrogant” and requested they resign his church membership. 5/

Instead, deacon “replies-all” blaming Joe’s mental illness & his “probs w women” (he could be overly-friendly) as reason to disregard his concerns.

(this is mere 2 mo after we’d been excommunicated for “slander” & told our concerns about lead pastor were sinful & wrong. 6/

Allegedly, Joe was then convinced to go apologize to lead pastor. To my knowledge, they refused to honor his request to resign his membership.

Two months later, Joe was found dead in his apartment by apparent suicide. 7/

Lead pastor (who Joe did not want as his pastor anymore) led his memorial service & (according to a number of witnesses) spent the eulogy patting his own elder team on the back for how well they “loved” Joe, even though it somehow was “never enough” to change Joe. 8/

Joe died alone, rejected, & I believe, a victim of egregious spiritual abuse.

I don’t think it’s as simple as cause-and-effect (eg. A person doesn’t cause another to die by suicide).
9/

But:

PASTORAL MALPRACTICE HAS LIFE AND DEATH CONSEQUENCES. 10/

Tell Joe’s story.

Joe loved Jesus - & was, in his more lucid times, a sweet & kind man who happened to have severe Bipolar, some psychosis & certainly complex trauma. He was a veteran. He loved all things Japan & wax-seals on letters.

Tell Joe’s story. 11/

This is why I will not be silent. My love for Jesus & His church demands it. #sbctoo #churchtoo #9markstoo 12/end