Thread by @Laurie_Garrett

Some @POTUS @JoeBiden quips at last night's @WhiteHouse Correspondents Dinner:
"Like I often say, don’t compare me to the Almighty, compare me to the alternative.
We added 12 million jobs, and that's just counting the lawyers -- who defended the president." (Laughter.)
MORE

2/ "I had a lot of #RonDeSantis jokes ready, but Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me & got there first. (Laughter & applause)
Now, look, can’t be too rough on the guy. After his reelection as governor, he was asked if he had a mandate. He said, 'Hell no, I’m straight'.”
MORE

3/ "Look, it’s great the cable news networks are here tonight. @MSNBC owned by NBC Universal. @FoxNews owned by #Dominion Voting Systems. (Laughter)
Last year, your favorite Fox News reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated & boosted.
This year.."
MORE

4/ "This year, with that $787 million settlement, they’re here because they couldn’t say no to a free meal. (Laughter)
And hell, I’d call Fox honest, fair & truthful, but then I could be sued for defamation. (Laughter)
It ain’t nothing compared to what they do to me. (Laughs)"

5/ "Look, I hope the @FoxNews team finds this funny. My goal is to make them laugh as hard as @CNN did when they read the settlement. (Laughter) But then again, CNN was like, 'Wow, they actually have $787 million?' (Laughter)
I go where the people are --"
MORE

6/ "'The Daily Show.' (Applause)
Roy [Wood, Jr] is a great guy. He once dubbed me the Jay-Z of Delaware. (Laughter)
Tonight he asked me to keep it short. He even offered me 10 bucks if I’d keep it under 10 mins. That’s a switch: a President being offered hush money."