The Upshot podcast Profile picture
Drunken antics, dressing room squabbles, and everything else BBC Sport won't touch with a bargepole.

May 15, 2023, 17 tweets

Winning La Liga caps off a strange, sordid and occasionally glorious era for Barcelona.

Bribery, organ harvesting and illegal orgies: it's like the plot of a soap opera.

As they lurch from scandal to scandal, this is the story of Barca's five years from hell...

The saga begins in 2017, when club president Sandro Rossell is arrested on money-laundering charges.

He's eventually acquitted, but only after two years in jail.

He recalls later: "When I entered prison they gave me four condoms and four bags with vaseline. I was worried."

There's more trouble when Director of Football Eric Abidal is accused of organ harvesting.

In his playing days, the defender received a liver transplant from "a cousin".

But police secretly record Barca execs discussing "the purchase of an illegal liver" for Eric.

There are high hopes for another former player when keeper Victor Valdes returns as under 19s coach.

But he's sent off in his first game and threatens academy chief Patrick Kluivert, warning him: "Don't break my balls, Patrick or you'll get it."

He's sacked after just 67 days.

In August 2020, Barca are humiliated 8-2 by Bayern Munich.

To make matters worse, Philippe Coutinho - on loan from Barca - scores 2 for the Germans.

And when Coutinho wins the Champions League with Bayern, it triggers a clause that means Barca owe his old club Liverpool €5m.

After years of careless spending, Covid hits the club finances hard.

They try to sell Luis Suarez to Juventus, but it collapses when he's caught cheating on an Italian citizenship test.

After feeding Luis the answers, an official admits: "He does not speak a word of Italian."

In early 2021, another scandal breaks.

President Josep Bartomeu is accused of illegally using club money to fund a smear campaign against his critics.

Police say he planted fake stories on social media about Leo Messi and Pep Guardiola.

They raid the Nou Camp and arrest him.

That summer, Barcelona hit rock bottom.

Unable to slash their wage bill, they let Leo Messi leave.

As the club's greatest ever player sobs at his farewell press conference, angry fans storm the Nou Camp in protest.

The following season, morale is low.

Messi is gone, the club haven't got a pot to piss in, and they're playing in the Europa League.

Soon the players turn on each other.

Gerard Pique and Frenkie De Jong squabble after Pique refuses to swap seats with Frenkie's girlfriend.

As they mull over how to win Messi back, club executives are caught slagging him off in their WhatsApp group.

Screenshots show legal chief Gómez Pontí calling Messi a "sewer rat" and a "hormone dwarf".

At the end of 2022, Barcelona finally get some good news.

Prosecutors drop fraud charges relating to the purchase of Neymar in 2014.

But the case reveals Barca paid for Neymar's dad to have an orgy and "200 coffees" at a London hotel.

Exhausted, Gerard Pique retires in December 2022.

In his final match, he's sent off before he can come on as a substitute.

He brands the ref a "fucking disgrace".

And then - with his final words as a professional footballer - yells: "I shit on your prostitute mother".

There's more comedy from Pique a month later.

After he leaves Shakira for a 22-year-old, the popstar sings: "you traded a Ferrari for a Twingo. You traded a Rolex for a Casio."

The next day, Gerard announces a sponsorship with Casio, and turns up to work driving this.

On the pitch, Xavi's side are clicking, and they march towards a La Liga title.

But things turn very dark when Dani Alves is arrested over an alleged sexual assault on New Year's Eve.

He quickly adapts to life in jail, swapping signed Barca shirts for cigarettes.

And just when things are looking up, Barca are caught secretly paying €7m to Spain's referees chief.

President Bartomeu insists they just paid for "information", to counter pro-Real Madrid bias.

As police investigate, Bartomeu attacks "scoundrels who are staining our badge".

Yesterday the club won La Liga for the first time since 2019, conceding just 13 goals on the way.

But their innocent celebrations were interrupted by Espanyol ultras chasing them off the field.

What next for football's greatest soap opera?

If you liked this, you'll love our rundown of footballing scandals from the last few years.

From Trent AA's sexting adventures to Phil Foden's mum scrapping at a hen do, read it instantly when you sign up below.

It's free - join our 95k subs:

upshot.email/newsletter/100…

Share this Scrolly Tale with your friends.

A Scrolly Tale is a new way to read Twitter threads with a more visually immersive experience.
Discover more beautiful Scrolly Tales like this.

Keep scrolling