Drunken antics, dressing room squabbles and everything else BBC Sport won’t touch with a bargepole. The funniest stories in sport in your inbox every Friday.
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Mar 26 • 17 tweets • 6 min read
Gary Neville is a bloody intense bloke.
He bollocks innocent school boys, yells at potatoes, and humiliates his own brother in front of millions of fans.
Don't tell him we wrote this, but here's the story of Sky Sports' grumpy old man...
Our story begins in the bungalows of Bury, where Gary relentlessly batters his little brother Phil at table tennis.
They join Man Utd, and Gary rooms with cheeky cockney David Beckham.
David decks their room with scented candles, but Gary enrages him with 5am alarm clocks.
Mar 12 • 16 tweets • 7 min read
Faustino Asprilla once summed up his philosophy: "lots of sex, no rules and pure life.”
The Newcastle cult hero boozed on the team bus, brought a gun to training, and faced down bloodthirsty drug lords.
Meet Colombia's finest export...
Even before joining Newcastle in 1996, Asprilla had a reputation as a nutcase.
At Italian giants Parma, he misses a European final after gashing his leg by kicking in the door of a bus.
When his captain hands him a written warning, he grabs the letter and eats it.
Mar 4 • 15 tweets • 6 min read
Shane Warne wasn't like other sportsmen.
A sex-mad cricketing genius, he once summed up his life: "I smoked, I drank, and I bowled a bit of leg spin. I don't have any regrets."
From sexting scandals to lasagne sandwiches, welcome to Warnie's World...
Shane Warne's eating habits were legendary.
He ate lasagne sandwiches on Christmas Day, and took his own toaster to India so he could avoid the local cuisine.
On tour in 1998, 2,000 tins of baked beans arrived in a 3 ton crate stamped with the words "Shane Warne, India".
Feb 27 • 15 tweets • 7 min read
Formula 1 was once a hotbed of booze, drugs and shagging.
And that's just the tame stuff.
From shooting up pubs to "Nazi orgies", these are the stories Drive to Survive won't tell you...
James Hunt
The sport's most notorious playboy slept with an exhausting 5000 women.
In the 2 weeks before his 1976 world title win, he bedded 35 British Airways stewardesses.
Minutes before the decisive race, he was caught shagging a Japanese fan in the pit lane.
Feb 21 • 20 tweets • 8 min read
You might remember Jese Rodriguez as a misfiring Stoke striker with a penchant for awful sunglasses.
But his off-field antics are worthy of a soap opera.
From exploding apartments to getting run over by his fiancée, here's the story of his truly ludicrous life...
The Spanish striker was once tipped as Real Madrid's hottest prospect, and ominously dubbed "the next Ronaldo."
But things didn't quite go to plan...
Feb 19 • 17 tweets • 7 min read
Frank Lampard has the face of an angel.
But behind the boyish grin and 25-yard screamers lurks an unexpected badboy.
From Ayia Napa sex tapes to benders on 9/11, this is the story of an extremely nice man who did some very weird things...
Our story begins in 1995, when a fresh-faced Frank makes his West Ham debut.
Fans brand him a nepo baby, but his uncle - manager Harry Redknapp - backs him.
A furious fan claims random midfielder Scotty Canham is better than Frank. He's later unmasked as Scotty's uncle...
Feb 15 • 15 tweets • 6 min read
Sure, Jamie Carragher gobs on children and smothers strippers in whipped cream.
But we all lose our heads sometimes... don't we?
From hotel room "hand shandies" to Tokyo police chases, this is a thread on the Red who lost his head...
Our story begins at Liverpool's rowdy 1998 Christmas party.
20-year-old Jamie Carragher dresses as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, smothers himself in whipped cream and "performs a sex act" on a stripper.
A horrified Michael Owen stands in the corner in "stunned silence".
Feb 13 • 18 tweets • 7 min read
Kolo and Yaya Toure are football's most scandalous siblings.
The Ivorian brothers hoovered up silverware, shagged in car parks and hired escorts for charity fundraisers.
From comparing knobs to secret alter egos, this is the story of football's friskiest fraternity...
Our story begins in 2002, when eager young defender Kolo Toure rocks up at Arsenal for a trial.
After injuring Henry and Bergkamp, Kolo flies in two-footed on gaffer Arsene Wenger.
Wenger is left unable to walk, but tells his coaches: “I like his desire, we sign him tomorrow.”
Feb 5 • 18 tweets • 7 min read
They don't make managers like Neil Warnock anymore.
He gave team talks naked, cut his players' toe nails and picked the team based on his wife's dreams.
As the legendary gaffer heads to Aberdeen, enjoy this thread, but "enjoy it by being fookin disciplined"...
Our story begins in the late 80s, when a young Stan Collymore walks into the Notts County dressing room.
He finds manager Neil Warnock on his knees, cutting his players' toenails.
A trained chiropodist, Warnock fixes a few bunions as he guides the Magpies to the top flight.
Feb 2 • 17 tweets • 7 min read
For a bloke who won the Ballon d'Or and lit up the World Cup, Michael Owen's life is comically dull.
The England legend has never tasted tea or coffee, and his mum managed his bank account until he was 38.
This is the story of England's weirdo wonderkid...
Our story begins in 1999, when the Liverpool striker stars in TV series Michael Owen's Soccer Skills.
He's meant to be teaching youngsters, but Owen spends the show gleefully smacking volleys past a 13 year old.
“I just love volleying – poor old Jamie has no chance", he crows.
Jan 29 • 20 tweets • 9 min read
You might remember Nicklas Bendtner as a misfiring Arsenal striker with godawful tattoos.
But what he lacked in goals, he made up for in scintillating off-field scandal.
From bedding baronesses to boob job blackmail, welcome to the ludicrous life of Lord Bendtner...
(THREAD)
Our story begins in 2005, when the 16-year-old striker joins the Arsenal academy.
He's soon in trouble for hiding in the ladies toilets to avoid school classes, and is shipped out on loan to Birmingham City.
And that's where he begins his ill-fated quest for true love...
Jan 23 • 18 tweets • 9 min read
Arsene Wenger ran a tight ship at Arsenal.
But there was one player in his famous Invicibles squad who couldn't be tamed.
Meet the Gucci-flogging, ticket touting backup keeper Graham Stack....
In 1998, a cocky 16-year-old rocks up to Arsenal training behind the wheel of his dad's Ford Escort.
It's Graham Stack.
His hungover old man - landlord at the local boozer - is passed out in the passenger seat after a 4 day bender.
The academy coaches aren't impressed.
Jan 17 • 18 tweets • 7 min read
Mario Balotelli is an absolute lunatic.
He sets teammates on fire, punches club directors and flees burning buildings with suitcases stuffed with cash.
This is the story of The Italian Nutjob...
(THREAD)
The hell-raising begins at Serie C side Lumezanne, where a teenage Mario specialises in a particularly unsavoury prank:
"He would pee on our bags containing our clean clothes" recalled teammate Marco Pedretti.
"And he would pee on people too."
Dec 20, 2023 • 10 tweets • 4 min read
Steve Bruce once said: "I'm not really into tactics".
But luckily he has a second career to fall back on.
Back in 1999, Bruce published a trilogy of football murder mystery novels starring his alter-ego Steve Barnes.
And they're absolutely amazing...
STRIKER, SWEEPER and DEFENDER follow Mulcaster United legend Steve Barnes as he guides Leddersfield Town to promotion, while simultaneously solving murders.
Nov 28, 2023 • 14 tweets • 6 min read
Adriano's career was a chaotic cocktail of goals, guns and gangbangs.
After rocking up in Serie A, the Brazilian striker went on a wild rampage.
From 20 person orgies to accidentally shooting his girlfriend, this is the story of a wonderkid gone wild...
Our story begins in 2004, when Inter wonderkid Adriano is Serie A's newest star.
When the paparazzi surround his home, his grandmother pours boiling water on them from the balcony.
"I’m going to give our friends from the press a little bath! It’s nice and warm!" she cackles.
Nov 20, 2023 • 11 tweets • 5 min read
Ian Botham wasn't like other sportsmen.
A weed-smoking maverick, he punched policemen, shagged waitresses and partied with the Rolling Stones.
From 45 year feuds to "coke-fuelled shagathons", this is the story of England's stoner superstar...
Our story begins in 1980, when England cricket captain Ian Botham bizarrely joins Football League side Scunthorpe.
He plays 11 times, but scandal strikes at the Christmas party.
Botham is caught up in an alleyway scrap with gobby local fans, and gets charged with assault.
Aug 3, 2023 • 16 tweets • 7 min read
"Is Ryan Giggs the last good man in Premier League football?" asked The Guardian back in 2010.
How wrong they were...
Since then his life has been one long scandal.
From knobbing his brother's wife to penning erotic poetry, this is the story of randy Ryan...
Our story begins in 1992, when a fresh-faced Giggs breaks into the United team.
One night, winger Lee Sharpe invites him to a house party.
But livid gaffer Alex Ferguson crashes the bash.
Fergie finds Ryan cowering in a wardrobe, and drags him home by the ear.
Jul 20, 2023 • 16 tweets • 7 min read
When Sir Alex Ferguson ran the show, Man United's stars didn't dare step out of line.
But as soon as he left, the club descended into absolute carnage.
From deranged WAGs to club legends "ogling breasts", this is the story of a sinking superclub... 👇
In 2013, after sealing a 13th Premier League title, Sir Alex anoints Everton boss David Moyes as his successor.
After being linked with Ozil, Fabregas and Cristiano Ronaldo, fans are licking their lips when the club tease a huge deadline day signing.
It's Marouane Fellaini...
Jul 17, 2023 • 11 tweets • 5 min read
Diego Armando Maradona. Three words synonymous with hedonism, audacity and sheer batshit craziness.
But perhaps no story of El Diego is as wild as his time at the 1994 World Cup.
From drugs in hotel rooms to shooting reporters with air rifles, this is the truly mental story...
Before the tournament, it was widely accepted that Maradona was finished.
He’d been handed a whopping 15-month ban for cocaine use, and fled Naples after falling out with the local mafia.
Back in Argentina, he'd piled on the pounds, and was hardly playing for Newell's Old Boys.
Jul 14, 2023 • 18 tweets • 8 min read
When Roman Abramovich rocked up at Chelsea, it kicked off an incredibly weird decade of silverware, scandal and simmering sexual tension.
It was the stuff of Hollywood: guns in training, blood-sucking strikers and enough coke to see off Scarface.
Welcome to the Roman empire...
In the long hot summer of 2003, weirdo oligarch Roman Abramovich snaps up Chelsea from Ken Bates.
During a helicopter ride over London, Roman spots Regent's Park and announces: "that will be our training ground".
When Bates tells him the Queen owns it, Abramovich just shrugs.
Jul 13, 2023 • 16 tweets • 7 min read
Brazilian striker Romario was an absolute shagger.
In the words of one teammate, “He was only interested in two things: football and fucking.”
From gangland kidnappings to corrupting Ronaldo, this is the story of randy Rom...
Our story begins in the fearsome favelas of Rio, where a young Romario is savaged by a pack of stray dogs.
And he's never the same again.
In 1985 he's called up to Brazil's World Youth Cup squad, but is sent home in disgrace after coaches spot him pissing off the hotel balcony.