Thread by @gaypiratehell

A concept : 15 yo sanji accidentally calling bounty hunter zoro's denden from the baratie, and zoro, who's in the middle of a fight and pissed off, hungs up on him. Sanji is so furious he prank calls him for the next two months and it degenerates into a long distance romance

You can all blame Netflix for making portable bluetooth dendenmushi a fucking thing. You shouldn't have given me the technology you absolute buffoons now you've got a #youvegotmailAU on your hands

zoro absolutely refuses to back down from the calls because sanji called him a liar when he said he was a bounty hunter and made fun of his cracking voice. he even caught a pirate once JUST to force him on the denden and go 'TELL HIM. TELL HIM I JUST KICKED YOUR ASS'

zoro : why did you even call my number anyway
sanji : i was manning the restaurant lines and typed wrong
zoro : oh so you're just a waiter
sanji : NO the waiter was off that day
zoro : oh my god. You're not even a waiter you're a waiter replacement
sanji : SHUT UP. SHUT UP

zeff went full stranger danger at first bc what if he's a 50yo creep?? So he grabbed the denden to yell but heard zoro drone on about how cool swords are like a nerd with a still cracking voice instead. gave back the phone like 'yeah no ok fine. Tell him to eat his vegetables'

Zeff was doubtful this was a good idea but the little eggplant is SO happy he's got a friend his age he lets it pass. Has to endure hours of Sanji stuck on the denden like a loser teenager on World of Warcraft until he puts up boundaries of '2 hours a day maximum'

zeff : tell the kid to put his parents on the denden
sanji : omg zeff you're embarassing me he doesn't have those
zeff : You're telling me he's traveling all alone at 15
sanji : yeah he's a bounty hunter isn't it cool
zeff :
zeff : nevermind lets call the marine's social services

insert zeff yelling at zoro through the denden and from behind sanji's shoulder for him to get his ass to the baratie pronto so he'll feed him till he's a grown man and can properly go on his own and zoro going 'i can't find the barat- WAIT SHUT UP I'M A GROWN MAN SHUT UP'

zeff noticing sanji staying by the denden for hours & when he asks what hes doing sanji's like 'zoro promised me he'd call on my birthday and sing me to sleep so i gave him the wrong date to fuck with him'. & it'd be funny except the eggplant is blushing and zeff is like 'uh-oh'

zoro, trying to get payback for all the pranks : hey is your refrigerator running
sanji : no
zoro : well you- what
sanji : we're cleaning it today
zoro :
sanji :
zoro, furiously looking through the jokes book : i- wait stay on the line
sanji, trying not to laugh : take your time

one late evening, after like a year and a half of constant calling, they talk about what they mutually look like. Sanji's like 'how do you picture me' and he expects zoro to make fun of him again except a sleepy zoro goes 'idk but you sound pretty' and Sanji hangs up in panic

zoro : i got my first bounty over 10 000 berries today
sanji, desperate for zoro to think he's cool and mature : yeah well I smoked a whole packet of cigarettes today
zoro :
sanji, coughing : that's the sound of being an adult with a proper stressful job sword boy