Thread by @shockproofbeats

The AI-generated "script" actors were given for the Glasgow Wonka event is.. something. Aside from featuring staging and effects that would be impressive for a moderately-sized West End spectacular, its stage directions also dictate precisely how delighted the audience will be.

Theory. Praxis.

I get that lazy and uncreative people will use AI to generate concepts. But if the script it barfs out has animatronic flowers, glowing orbs, rivers of lemonade and giggling grass, YOU still have to make those things exist. I'm v confused as to how that part was misunderstood.

Throughout, there's also these wee flourishes which I can only presume were added by the prompter to give things a human flavour. Mostly, they're deadeningly shit bits of "something for daddy" ribaldry, straight out of Don DiMello's playbook.

Having established that Wonka's secret sweets are meant to taste like spicy soup and human mucus respectively, the script then tells us that the guests will then try them, and that they will like them, and that they will confirm this by saying these exact things.

Worth circling back to emphasise that this script was given to performers *two days before the event* and aside from describing hundreds of effects, props and sets the organisers knew they could not provide, it also suggested that actors carry out acts of *literal magic*.

For those wondering who The Unknown refers to above. It's this dude. An "evil cholate maker" who "lives in the walls" This was a young actor doing their best so I'm glad they're masked, but the lore of this character is so bewilderingly demented it bears a little more attention.

The Unknown is an evil chocolate maker - who never mentions chocolate - and has stolen Willy's "anti-grafitti gobstopper" - but never mentions grafitti - as part of a devious plan to stop... mums from cleaning their kids' bedrooms.

There follows a showdown in which Willy defeats The Unknown and takes back his sweet - called the anti-Graffiti gobstopper although graffiti is never mentioned in any context - so it can clean bedrooms. He does this via practical FX that would cost millions of pounds to achieve.

The script's final line confirms that the whole event has been not just brilliant but also very cool and - quite speculatively, I would argue - that "the power of unity and the endless possibilities that lie within the realms of imagination and innovation" have been reinforced.

We know what AI art is: vapid, deadening garbage without worth or function. But I fear we'll keep learning just how many tedious humans can't work this out for themselves, as they assault us with this awful, garbled shit until the bubble bursts.

And yes, for the avoidance of all doubt, I wish I'd seen it. I treasure my kids' happiness, and sums of money up to and including £35, but I would happily forsake either for the chance to have stood smack bang in the face of this disaster so I could drink it all in at the source.

Anyway - know what's NOT AI-generated? My excellent, hilarious and award-winning book, which I wrote all by myself like a chump.

Buy it now and feel the power of unity and the endless possibilities that lie within the realms of imagination and innovation: mammybook.com