Thread by @GiffLasta

Episode 2: Attack of the Fratriarchs
Patriarchy is a four-letter word. People think it’s men put in charge simply because they are men, masking weakness with machoism and keeping women down. But I’m proud to identify as a patriarch, contrarian fool that I am. My pronouns are your/dad.

For all our talk of “the patriarchy,” we’re probably the least patriarchal society in history. The word doesn’t mean “male domination” but rather “the father governs.” It’s not just any man taking charge, but a specific kind of man: one so invested in his world that he pours his life into bringing up solid sons and daughters. The Barbie Movie cast “the patriarchy” as the villain, and yet there was only one father in the movie (who took charge of exactly nothing). Fathers today don’t govern communities, homes, or even themselves. They hardly exist.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t have men (or at least males) telling people what to do. Welcome to the “fratriarchy.” It’s the government of the bratty little brother, who is invested in little more than his own grandstanding image. Whether it’s online trolls trashing women, entitled pastors with no actual leadership virtues, or checked-out husbands who let their wives run themselves ragged while the house descends into chaos (and then yell at her when something goes wrong), the fratriarchs are in command.

True patriarchy has never been more needed. There’s a multitude of resentful young men who feel constantly dumped on, who feel their masculine drives stirring within them, who are hungry for practical tools. Too often they find instead the frat-house of the fratriarchs, whether secular or Christian, and are fed a steady diet of cheap validation, resentment, and macho posturing. They need solid father-figures to believe in their potential, to model how to do hard things, to get comfortable with discomfort, to grow in confidence and self-leadership, and to engage with women with that magic mixture of gentleness and strength that wins their hearts.

I’ll attach a growing thread of fratriarch/patriarch proverbs to this post. Both women and men need to tell the difference. And to men out there who are struggling: I realize it’s tough. Especially if you’re dealing with porn or a dead bedroom, shoot me a DM and I’ll hook you up with some resources. But when you become the man you were always meant to be, everyone will thrive as a result.

Fathers rule. Little brothers drool.

Smash the fratriarchy. Build the patriarchy.

Fratriarchs feel entitled to authority because they are male.
Patriarchs feel a masculine calling to make themselves worthy of authority.

Fratriarchs complain about immodesty in women causing their “weaker brothers” to stumble into lust.
Patriarchs have sexual self-mastery, and encourage modesty in women because it honors their own dignity.

Fratriarchs easily lose their temper in arguments and get into petty fights.
Patriarchs have seen true action, and keep deadly calm when tempers rise.

Fratriarchs try to make women follow so they can feel like a strong man.
Patriarchs are the strong men that women want to follow.

Fratriarchs try to control whoever they are in charge of, always wary of dissent.
Patriarchs equip and unlock the power and agency of those they lead.

Fratriarchs obsess over the form of manliness.
Patriarchs cultivate the power thereto.

Fratriarchs demand a woman’s submission.
Patriarchs prove worthy of a woman’s trust.

Fratriarchs refuse to help with "women's work."
Patriarchs captain their ship, with no task beneath them.

Fratriarchs use fitness to convince others that they are real men.
Patriarchs use fitness to express the dignity they already possess as men.

Fratriarchs yell and threaten, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Patriarchs speak softly, knowing they carry a big stick.

Fratriarchs lord power over those they lead.
Patriarchs use power to empower those they lead.

Fratriarchs want to keep wives weak and dependent.
Patriarchs use their strength to cultivate strength in her.

Fratriarchs obsess over holding women accountable.
Patriarchs become men whose approval women value.

Fratriarchs guilt their wives into sex from a posture of neediness.
Patriarchs seduce their wives from a posture of abundance.

Fratriarchs take credit for success and panic and blame others in failure.
Patriarchs have met with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same.