Thread by @SuperTiso

Playing with Half a Deck: Understanding Dokumaan's Cards

Author: Tiso Spencer

A critique of Vol. 1 of the Rippaverse Dokumaan Trading Cards.

These are my observations of the Dokumaan's Trading Cards. I will offer my objective and subjective critiques. I want to make sense of any confusing plot points, narrative choices, creative decisions, and more in my own understanding.

Opening remarks:

- Eric July's writing could be better.

- His writing style reminds me of a 4th-grade education level.

- It invokes a sense of a kid copying someone's book report an hour before class.

- There are lore elements that do not make sense or need to be further expanded upon given the context of 3 full graphic novels, a concept artbook, and these trading cards already released.

- There are too many grammatical and spelling mistakes to cover them all without losing my sanity. I will make small remarks on these mistakes.

- As a writer, Eric needs to improve his vocabulary and stop writing how he talks.

- I am not a professional writer or editor so please excuse my mistakes in grammar and spelling.

- I want to do more of these reviews to practice in this field if I ever decide to write or edit a project in comics.

ISOM (1)

This man is one of the most intriguing subjects I've been keeping tabs on. Though he is from the city, he currently lives in Shadow Valley on his own ranch that has many workers. He is clearly an Except, but I've not quite figured out the origin of his powers. The suit that he wore has a symbol on the waistband that seems to change colors, but I don't quite know what it means. There was a moment not too long ago where it looked like he retired his attire and decided to no longer favor the life of fighting criminals in Florespeak. Is he back? It's hard to tell. But his abilities have grown unlike anything I've seen before. If this keeps up, he will be one of the most powerful beings on this planet.

- There are numerous grammatical errors in this passage I.E. "not too long where (should be when) it looked like he retired his attire."

- To avoid confusion, I'll dedicate a post on the Dokumaan character themself near the end. He's a character that closely resembles Marvel Comics' "The Watcher" in their function of observing the universe and beyond. The problem with Dokumaan as an all-knowing entity is his failure to understand the subjects he's watching.

- "Is he back? It's hard to tell." How so? You're observing him without being noticed. You see him retire from being a superhero, watch his life unfold as a rancher, and see the events that happen in Isom #1 and Isom #2. How does this make sense?

- "But his abilities have grown unlike anything I've seen before. If this keeps up, he'll be one of the most powerful beings on this planet." How so? As the reader, we do not know what Avery's powers are. We have no ceiling to their limits. We have no basis for their base starting power scale. We've only seen him become strong, durable, and quick.

Here's my theory: He's like Peter Petrelli from NBC's "Heroes." He's a sponge that absorbs and keeps a database of abilities. This can be debunked easily, unfortunately. Why can't he fly then? Yaira, Bryan Solari, and Braxwell have flight abilities.

The only ability that tests my theory we can see as the reader is Yaira's speed step move she does in Isom #1 which Avery later used against Santwan. He's also possibly not an Except which might explain why Dokumaan cannot accurately read Isom's abilities.

It's a shame the audience has no baseline for Avery's powers. In one issue, he can be as strong as the Juggernaut. In the next issue, he can be knocked out with a stick from a non-Except. In another issue, he could fly through space and time shooting energy blasts. There's no context for the reader.

New Observations

- The testing procedures for Excepts have room for error. They're missing a larger sample size for their databases.

- Does Avery have a bracelet on one of his ankles? What purpose does that serve? Is this a future plot-related point? We'll have to wait for Isom #3.

BRYAN SOLARI (2)

Bryan Solari is the clear and obvious leader of Alphacore. A veteran of the Great War of Separation, his journey started with the Texas Military. The result of a rather successful experiment, he completely changed the tide of the war with the tactical use of his abilities. After the war, he settled in Florespark where he became the primary response agency for all threats that were Excepts. Realizing that he needed a team, he recruited Braxwell, and this marked the formation of Alphacore. One of the most powerful beings in the region, he has successfully fought off both human and alien threats. Simply put, he's a Texas Legend that is loved by just everyone.

- You do not need to use "clear" and "obvious" together. Also, how is Bryan the clear leader of this group? What makes him a leader? Is it his intellect and battle acumen? Is it his abilities? We only have as a reference his strength and flight. We've seen abilities like pryokinesis and telepathy in Alphacore #1. What defense does he have against threats like that?

- What is the Great War of Separation? This should've been touched upon in Alphacore #1 but it's never hinted at. How old is Bryan? Isom #2 shows that Goodyng and Avery were young during the war. They were kids? How old are they? How did the war impact the world?

How did the war affect the country? How does travel work for Texas and the rest of America? Is Texas considered its own country? How many other states of the union joined in? Did the war have the might of the US military unable to topple one traitorous state nation?

Were there other Excepts active on either side of this war? What other abilities would Bryan have that would make him the strongest in the region? Strongest of the region and not the world? Dokumaan, what do you mean? How is super strength and flight enough to topple most Except threats? When was Alphacore created after the war? Was it funded after the war? Why would he need a team if he's the most powerful in the region?

Bryan isn't a natural Except? How do Excepts manifest their abilities? What are the criteria? How do you become one? If you can be turned into an Except with experiments, who turned Bryan into one and why? We'll have to wait for Alphacore #2 to answer some of these questions.

I'm unconvinced. What we've seen so far about Bryan Solari is that he's a goofball and a showboat. Braxwell feels more like the leader from what he accomplishes in Alphacore #1.

DARREN FONTAINO (4)

I don't generally like to keep up with people that aren't special terms of their abilities. But Darren Fontaino is a person of interest because the power he has ISN'T related to his physicality. He's one of the richest men in Texas and he's certainly one of the most respected men in Florespark. Club Merq is one of many properties he owns, and I've seen some of the world's biggest shot-callers make appearances there. Other gangsters rarely disrespect him and even Excepts fear him. The scary thing is that nobody knows why he has amassed so much power, what are his motives? The day he has political aspirations will be the day that he fully controls this entire city. For a guy with such a questionable moral compass, you wouldn't it if you hear the way people discuss him.

- Dokumaan doesn't like to observe people without abilities? Then why did he start observing Darren? There has to be something special to warrant the observation. The reader understands Darren is rich, feared, and a bad guy. That's common among comic book tropes.

- "Other gangsters rarely disrespect him and even Excepts fear him."

Interesting. So, people have a small percentage of insulting Darren and living to tell the tale. That explains the scene at Projexus where one of his henchmen tells him to shut his black ass up and get the fuck out. It would also explain why Santwan doesn't crush him as he owns weapons that neutralize Excepts.

- "The scary thing is that nobody knows why he has amassed so much power, what are his motives?"

Dokumaan, you should know. You're an omnipotent being that can observe individuals unnoticed. Tap his phone line and listen to his calls. Put hidden cameras in his house. Use your abilities, whatever they are.

INGRID VALDEZ (8)

As both the newest and youngest member of Alphacore, Ingrid is the least experienced of their team, but she has the most unique ability. She's been very secretive with how she's obtained her powers. There's no evidence that she ever had them throughout her childhood. A former powerlifter, this woman is no slouch physically. She was hand-picked by Braxwell to join Alphacore after a run-in with her during a mission. Many people make the mistake in assuming that it's her suit that gives her the abilities. I'm not sure she even needs it. Nonetheless, she's the one member of Alphacore that cannot fly which makes her an odd addition.

- Grammar mistakes. Like every card, expect them. Also, expect each card to be written as if a 4th-grader who is fatherless and seeks to desperately fill the void of wanting his daddy to come home wrote it.

- Why would she be secretive about where her powers come from? She lives in a world full of super beings with different abilities. Dokumaan, why do you not know where her abilities come from and how she obtained them unnaturally?

- She's combat-ready because she was a powerlifter? It's not her going to the police academy and becoming a trained officer that helped with that assessment?

- Why is Braxwell recruiting people when Solari is the leader? Why wouldn't Bryan be the person assembling the team? What exactly is a "run-in on a mission" supposed to mean? They're all cops. Do you mean while a police operation was happening they encountered each other in the field?

- Dokumaan, why do you think she doesn't need her Whipcaster abilities? Because she's a powerlifter?

- Why is it odd that she's the one member of Alphacore who cannot fly? Is the stipulation to join the team to possess the ability to fly? How does she use her whips for traversal? Is she like Spider-Man?

- I never mentioned the stats for each card, but the information available concerns me. She's 150 pounds at 5'8 and not slightly overweight? Why are a lot of the men well past 6" inches too?

BRAXWELL (7)

Known simply as Braxwell, he's the more silent member of Alphacore. Considering his demeanor, one could wrongfully assume he is emotionally distraught. But this is who he is. He's about taking care of business. His addition to the Florespark Police Force marked the creation of Alphacore. According to my records, he was just a normal local kid with aspirations of being a cop. At some point along the way he gained new abilities, which slightly altered his trajectory. Each member of Alphacore has a uniform that they individually selected. Although... I do not understand the specific point of the helmet and visor of Braxwell.

- Grammar mistakes. Where to begin? You do not need to say "he's the MORE silent member of Alphacore" when he's the only person on the team who is Silent Bob.

- JERAMYA is a terrible alteration to the first name spelling of Jeremiah. It's African-looking. Eric July has a problem coming up with sensible, believable names.

- Dokumaan, what do you mean by "wrongfully assume he is emotionally distraught?" He's a strong, silent-type individual. His actions speak louder than words.

- Why would Braxwell joining the police force mark the creation of Alphacore? This is a world that has super beings. Did anyone else join the police academy? Did Florespark not need a superhero police force because of vigilantes at the time? Does the rest of Texas have police forces with Excepts as a central unit?

- Why does everyone on Alphacore obtain their abilities unnaturally? Why would Braxwell obtaining abilities change the trajectory of his life? He wanted to be a cop. How does flying change that pathway?

- What is his strength level? He can fly as fast as Solari, but what about his tremendous durability? If he crashed into a building would he not turn into paste at high speeds?

- Why wouldn't isn't there a centralized uniform for Alphacore to wear? They're cops. Shouldn't their badge be on their uniforms? Why not make it the Alphacore symbol? Why does Braxwell have a green jacket, cargo pants, and a weird helmet as his uniform? Why does he need the helmet if he has tremendous durability? Bryan doesn't have to worry about travel speeds to protect against.

Dokumaan, again, I ask, why can't you observe properly? What do your notes contain? Why can't you understand the subjects you're watching?

LILIAN RONASHI (5)

Though her lineage traces back to Japan, it's hard to nail down exactly where she's from. With her partner Michael Copper, she goes city to city attempting to obtain wealth and power. Most of these attempts have not been successful, but it isn't for lack of trying. She's an Except that has some sort of purple magic-like power. I've yet to see her use her abilities to attack others, which is part of what makes her interesting. Both her and her partner recently settled in Florespark, Texas. Considering her line of work, she'll inevitably come into conflict with Darren Fontaino which is something I must keep an eye on.

- There is so much that is wrong with this card. It was the beginning of my frustration with lore decisions.

- The obvious grammar mistakes.

- Dokumaan cannot ascertain the location of Lilian, a Japanese woman lineage in Japan? How does this make sense?

- Her backstory narratively speaking is contradictory and confusing. She's a partner in crime with Michael Copper, a successful businessman. Meanwhile, her schemes end up mostly unsuccessful. How? It makes her actions in Alphacore #1 seem pointless if she generally fails, which is contradictory because she handled their problems with the law more effectively than Copper.

- Dokumaan, why do you not know what her powers do? What are purple magic-like powers? Why is she interesting to you for not using them against someone? All the other cities she was active in you did not once see her demonstrate the extent of her powers on someone? What exactly was Lilian doing at the end of the book? Why was she activating her powers?

- What exactly is Lilian's line of work? Why would it come into opposition with Darren?

MICHAEL COPPER (6)

He seems rather attached to Lilian Ronashi, but their relationship isn't a romantic one. Mr. Copper has had very successful businesses he's founded in the past, but he always sells them when they become profitable. As savvy as he is, he does not need his partner. This is what makes him such an interesting subject as his true motives are masked. The thing that sticks out the most would be his skills in hand-to-hand combat. He does not look like it, but this can is an incredibly talented fighter. Where did he learn such a thing? Sure, he's an Except, but his abilities do not look to make him physically stronger.

- Grammar. The feeling that this background is written by an autistic child.

- Lilian and Michael not romantically involved is a good choice. We get interesting interactions like the massage scene from Alphacore #1.

- If Michael Copper creates successful businesses why does he sell them? It doesn't matter whether or not he does it legitimately or illegally, they're successful which makes him rich. Why sell them? Why move throughout the country repeating the same process? Does he invent new identities for himself each time?

- Dokumaan, if Copper doesn't need a partner, why does he have a partner? If he's proficient in ancient Chinese secret martial arts why doesn't he handle problematic people himself?

- Dokumaan, how are his true motives masked if you can observe him as a cosmic being without notice?

- Dokumaan, if you observe him using his powers, why aren't you able to discover what other abilities he has than seeing far away and through things? What was he going to do at the end of Alphacore #1?

SANTWAN (3)

A feared Except-for-hire, Santwan is one of the strongest men this planet has to offer. He'll do good or bad, as long as he gets paid. He's currently working for Darren Fontaino which has to be fairly lucrative for him. His gold teeth have become somewhat iconic by those who recognize him. I'm not sure when his teeth became so expensive, but they've been this way since I first took interest in him as a subject. Santwan's confidence is unreal, and he's never been in a fight that he didn't think he could win... and he's gone up against beings that aren't from Earth. Is he truly driven by the money, or is that a facade or something else?

- Grammar mistakes. Incomprehensible logic leaps. Incorrect usage of ellipses (the three dots).

- Dokumaan, how is Santwan one of the strongest men on the planet when Solari is only the strongest man in the region of Texas?

- Dokumaan, how do you not know when he got his gold teeth? You're watching him all the time without being noticed.

- If Santwan is a powerhouse, why wouldn't he be confident? Every fight he enters should never give him any doubt. He's the Juggernaut bitch.

- I didn't mention this before during Byran Solari's description, but, aliens and otherworldly threats are commonplace in the Rippaverse's Earth. It's a common Tuesday for Santwan to fuck an alien chick or something before punching another alien back into space.

-Dokumaan, if Santwan's confidence is "unreal" why would he allow Darren to threaten him before firing him? Except threat weapons shouldn't scare him.

- "Is he truly driven by the money, or is that a facade or something else?"

He's a mercenary for hire. It's the money. There isn't a facade to something else because he's only motivated by the money. He's not a hero or villain outright. As a professional, he does the job regardless of who is paying.

- If Santwan is strong enough to drag a tank behind him, why weren't his punches putting a hole into Avery? If he's dragging a tank, did he fight the military to do that? How come Alphachore isn't keeping tabs on him?

TAKHARI (11)

Alongside Validan, Takhari is an ancient man. Unfortunately, the documentation of his existence is rather inaccurate. He is assumed to be a god of vengeance among those that worship him, but this is not true. He currently is the lead guitarist for the band Norfica. Those who are familiar with his music often consider him as one of the greatest guitarists of all time. He plays notes that shouldn't be possible, and I assume this is related to his ability. Only in pockets of Africa are they at least knowledgeable of his existence. Again, what they know of them isn't entirely truthful, which allows him to simply walk among everyone else. His fans assume that his eyes are contacts, but that clearly isn't the case. Should he decide to showcase the extent of his power, I fear this planet.

Power Observation: Whatever he does with his fingers and hands seems to activate various things. But this isn't mere magic. This is... something else.

- What's wrong with this card? Everything. The grammar, the incorrect usage of an ellipse, the lack of logic, the writing.

- Dokumaan, what do you mean by Takhari being an "ancient man?" If he isn't a god, what is he? You should know, you're a cosmic being aware outside of space and time that can observe beings unnoticed.

- Takhari is supposed to be one of the greatest guitarists, correct? He's not the best guitarist in all of space and time?

- How are musical notes that shouldn't be possible able to exist? Surely, musical experts would question how he produced those sounds?

- Dokumaan, why should you assume it's related to his ability? You should know it's related to his ability because you wrote notes about his fingers and hands making not-magic.

- Do you know who is a better expert at documentation? Broken Matt Hardy. He would've documented everything.

- Eric July, why would you write a sentence explaining that certain areas of Africa are fully aware of the true existence of Takhari only to reveal what they do know is nothing but lies and half-truths? So they know nothing essentially?

Do you know who should know without a doubt? Dokumaan. Why doesn't he?

- This is a planet full of super beings and alien threats. Why wouldn't the true identities of Norfrica be acceptable? Why wouldn't they assume his black eyes are a byproduct of him being an Except? Why do you fear for this planet if he decides to use his power? Isn't Santwan by your observations one of the strongest beings on the planet?

- What does Dokumaan mean about it not being "mere magic?" If he's not an Except, not a god, and if his abilities aren't natural to his biology why wouldn't it be magic? Is Blood Ruth not performing magic then?

- Why is an African "god" connected to Norse mythology?

VALIDAN (10)

When I first visited Earth, the stories of mythical and ancient lore fascinated me. Most of them are completely made up, but once I found out about the existence of Validan, it confirmed that some are indeed beyond just tales. I must be one of few beings who are aware of his true identity. The amazing thing is he's not hiding. He is currently the frontman of Norfica and has one of the most powerful voices in music. Their guitarist, Takhari, is also... special. Their powers often activate as they're performing, but people just think they're massive men using props on stage. Why are they here? Why are such distinctive beings touring the world as musical artists?

- What's wrong with this card? Everything. Incorrect grammar, incorrect ellipse, continuity, and logic issues.

- You do not need to write "Takhari, is also... special." Just write "Takhari is also special." "Takhari has abilities too."

- If Validan is not hiding who he is, why does his audience think they're using props? Why isn't his audience under the assumption he's an Except or any actual god? The world is aware of alien threats, correct? The world is aware of super beings, correct?

- Why the fuck are these guys 7" tall?

- What does North mythology have to do with African mythology Eric July?

- Dokumaan, why do you assume his glowing eyes are connected to his bow and powers? You should know, you're observing him as a cosmic being.

YAIRA (2)

Her age is eluding me, but she does appear... ancient. Perhaps more so than I have. I've been keeping up with her longer than any other subject. She has a knowledgebase that exceeds those who appear very elderly. She's an archaeologist in occupation, but she's most recently been a consultant for Projexus... as a biologist. That's two lifetimes worth of study, and that's how I know she's older than what she appears. She doesn't have any known allegiances, and she certainly isn't a hero. Every relationship seems short-lived and tactical. I've seen her kill small armies of men, yet she doesn't seem evil. Either way, this woman is dangerous.

- I've saved the worst for last. Grammar and spelling mistakes. Incomprehensible narrative. Absurd logic leaps.

- Dokumaan, how is her age a mystery to you? You're a cosmic being that exists outside of time and space. What makes her appear "ancient" to you?

- Your theory about her age is that she's smarter than an elderly person?

- Your theory about her age is because she is an archaeologist and a biologist? Is a task impossible by your standards? How?

- If Yaira isn't a hero, why was she trying to intervene against Stephanya in the live-action trailer? Why is she going out in public fighting the police and other Excepts?

- Dokumaan, if you've observed Yaira the longest then you should know more about her, including things she doesn't know about herself. You're the equivalent of Marvel Comic's "The Watcher" in function. You should know everything about The Rippaverse.

You should be able to tell me that one of Yaira's areolas is a centimeter bigger on the right breast than it is on the left breast. I should understand why icicles coming out of her body at her power's activation. Does her costume become ruined each time?

- If she's killed small armies of men, how is she not evil? Why would Bryan Solari come to the conclusion that she's not evil? How is she killing these small armies of men? Is she cutting a bloody path through them? Is she crushing their dicks when she backs that thang up on them?

DOKUMAAN

Who the fuck is Dokumaan? Unless you paid $75 for the Concept Art Book and $75 for the trading cards, you would only be aware of this character from the e-mails you'd received from The Rippaverse website.

He's a mysterious cosmic being observing various characters throughout the Rippaverse. His motivations are currently unknown. This wasn't apparent at the start of my review, the Dokumaan Trading Cards are an IRL physical item that is an accurate representation of an in-universe card set created by Dokumaan himself to collect all his data on various subjects.

That means, these appear exactly IRL as they would in-universe held by Dokumaan. It means Dokumaan has the education level of a 4th-grader whose father isn't waiting for their child at home after school because he abandoned him.

Why did Eric July create a character who is Marvel Comic's "The Watcher" and have him be completely terrible at his job function? The mysteries concerning Dokumaan have yet to be revealed, but what's been revealed doesn't make sense narratively.

Closing Remarks

Thank you for reaching the end of my review of the Dokumaan Trading Cards. I hope that has been insightful. I leave you with a few closing remarks.

- Why didn't Eric July hire an editor to proofread this?

- Why is most information revealed from the cards, not in the books? I.E. what is the War of Great Separation?

- If I were Eric, I would retcon Vol. 1 and have the Soska Sisters re-create the lore to better flow with the continuity they're building. They'll have to retcon stuff.

- With the website relaunch, have these bios on the website. The collectible nature of owning physical Dokumaan cards is not lessened by it being online.

- Will Conrad was the artist for the cards, correct? Why wasn't he on a main book before then? Why wasn't he the artist for Isom?

- Why does Eric July have a problem with names? They sound terrible. Why is Jeremiah spelled Jeramya? It's an odd choice to be one with his "African" roots.

What the heck does Yaira mean? Was Santwan supposed to be Saint Jaun? Is he parodying that Michael Key sketch where he's mispronouncing people's names?

- Why is Avery's powers a mystery even to cosmic beings observing him 24/7?

- I do appreciate he did something different with the cards and made them bigger than a traditional trading card. The design for them isn't bad, but it's simplistic. Will Conrad's art, especially with Lilian really pops.

For those who want to use this as a baseline for their online videos:

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