Thread by @DrBriefsScratch

im admitting myself to a residential mental hospital

even if i got a job now im too depressed to work; im going to be homeless again and my heart can't take it bc i put my whole entire life force into my work

this is my final post; i hope it inspires someone

i first started to code at 10 or so, just around 1995

the book next to my right hand was something like "C++ for beginners" but it was way too hard for me so i learned BASIC and QBasic instead and made little generative art things

these were such happy times

things became horrible at home when my father got a job at the Drug Enforcement Administration...it's like he turned into a demon and just became so hateful

so i went deeper into code

QBASIC -> Visual Basic -> DarkBasic -> GameMaker -> and eventually JavaScript

my other hobbies included playing the sax (alto), astronomy, skateboarding, mma, and lifting

my favorite song to play was my own rendition of the original Jurrasic Park theme🦖

I still work out but can't afford a gym so I just maintain using resistance bands and calisthenics

i first got into accessibility && HCI around 2010 or so

my first experiment was hacking the "Jedi Force Trainer" toy that let you levitate a ball with a simple BCI, to control a crane game for a 1-button accessibility game challenge

(it didn't work that great tho lol)

this was me on my first day of actual on-the-street homelessness in 2016 or so

i just walked around aimlessly, went to libraries, and slept in trains until it occurred to me to look for a shelter (not really obvious when your life falls apart 😅)

here's my point of view from my bunk in one of the fancier shelters

it's likely where I'll be going back to...the photo might look bleak but it's all veterans and very chill

it reminds me of my early military days which I enjoyed

it was there that someone had a massive stroke, rendering him unable to communicate at all (at first he couldn't even hold a phone to type)

this "woke me up" in a way

so i purchased a bible (The Singularity is Near) and got to work

this was before TensorFlow.js so I first had to learn some machine learning

I used a library called Deeplearn.js and used KNN's to quickly train and map poses to the keyboard

You could then scrunch up your face to click

several iterations later and I unlocked fine control! This is 100% running in the browser, client side

I believe I was using a model called BRFv4 for this, which I just repurposed for mouse control

(that's at the same shelter as above)

Once I had my prototypes, I applied to Daniel Gross' and NearCyan's AIGrant

They said the project is an awesome accessibility feature, but that it wasn't lucrative and that I should focus on getting "some modest Ikea furniture"

(I think they meant well, just communicated bad)

I applied to Daniel Gross' things every single year, I climbed the top of the leader board in Pioneer 100% every single time I participated...but never got selected

So I just kept grinding and grinding and grinding

and grinding

just grinding relentlessly
I did not stop

I still wasn't getting selected, so I added hand tracking.
And pose.
And voice.
And MIDI.
And Robots.
And Drones and everything else too!

i got massive emotional support and encouragement

my tools were being taught at universities. i was mentioned at Google I/O multiple years...

but there was very little actual money and I eventually became homeless again

this time I tried a new approach

NFTs were blowing up so I thought maybe I could hand code generative art projects and sell them

i didn't like just accepting money for free, so I thought I could give back in exchange for supporting my main research

I made ~100 of these

I only managed to make ~$800 (excluding gifts)

these were all hand coded using p5.js and my own generative framework

There was a "Hidden Gems" event at fxhash and I tried to share my story/art, but one of the mods literally laughed at me in Discord so I quit

Then StableDiffusion was announced

My first experiments involved combining p5.js with StableDiffusion to explore hybrid genArt && AI

I made a series called "Magic Moments" that explored what it must have felt like for people to use new technologies back in the day

I really enjoyed the flow state of combining AI art with code and when ChatGPT was announced not too long after I created a programmable AI art generator called ModelPrompter

It was a bit like ComfyUI but with blocks instead of Nodes

I applied to Stability but never heard back

I used it to create generative art games, kind of like with Scratch Blocks

It worked by prompting in layers along with the words "on green screen" or similar, then you could parallax foregrounds and backgrounds

The idea was each time you won you would get a new dream/scene

After that failed, I spent a year creating LLM agent UIs

I accidentally discovered a simple "agent loop" while making ModelPrompter

The agents could plan & use tools using a very simple loop that checked a prompt against a Skill. I tried sharing this EVERYWHERE but no interest

The reason I've been so focused on Websimming Windows 9x is because I feel that software as we know it will come to an end soon

My goal was to sim/emulate my original desktop from when I was a kid as a kind of "capstone"/end of career project (even though I don't actually have a career)

Despite the lack of money, coding and building has been the most beautiful experience. I love it so much I literally do it for free from homeless shelters

Even if somehow any of this made money, I would still keep doing it

The only difference is that my environment would change and the food would be better, but I would still work just as hard (maybe even harder since money would give me more agency)

But I'm tired now and I feel utterly hopeless. I'm admitting myself to a mental hospital because I need a hard reset and I can't afford even to go hiking or to the ocean or do anything

At least when I'm in the hospital I feel loved, even if it's just part of their job. I feel this in homeless shelters too. I feel connection

My plan all along was to go WWOOFing (work exchange on a farm) and then rent a robot

The idea was to use my Websim to direct the robot to plant seeds and care for them. Then it would harvest a vegetable and I would take a bite out of it as a perfomance/expression of my life and my desire to keep going

But I can't even afford the plane ticket to go to the farm

I'll be fine. My intention after I discharge from the hospital is to just treat my life as simulation of a chronically homeless, ultra passionate engineer

At this I am an expert
And at this, I will win