Thread by @RussInCheshire

My favourite Tory defeats so far:

Michael Fabricant, the larval form of David Dickinson

Jacob Rees-Mogg, a haunted dildo with the moral depth of a graphene scorpion

Penny Mordaunt off Battlestar Galactica, who now has to return to her day job of Not Being In The Royal Navy

Simon Clarke, a mouse fart made flesh

Therese Coffey, a repellent, yellow-fingered Uncle Fester impersonator

Johnny Mercer, oozing the confidence of a man who hasn't yet realised nobody likes things that ooze

Gillian Keegan, seamlessly switching from doing a fucking good job, to doing good job of fucking off

Brendan Clarke-Smith, with the resting expression of a man struggling to divide 197 by 37, when in fact he was struggling to divide 2 by 2

Ben Bradley, an evil cabbage patch doll of The Pub Landlord

And Grant Shapps, who has more secret identities than Jason Bourne (somebody else people will travel halfway around the world just to punch)

Jonathan Gullis, a discarded early draft of Chewbacca that somebody dragged out of the bin and taught rudimentary table manners

Andrea Jenkyns, so heroically stupid you'd think she'd been bitten by a radioactive idiot

Liam Fox, bloated, oft-disgraced, clattering thundercunt who never met a scandal he didn't immediately have a head-on collision with

Liz Truss, aka Margerine Thatcher, a gawping, witless, regicidal cheese-fucker, Gilead commander's wife, and satirists wet dream

Douglas Ross, a spineless, pointless, unthinking sack of meat who might as well be a hologram for all the good he's done