I am exhausted because I am doing two incompatible jobs at the same time:
The Human Job: Screaming "My husband is dying!" which is horrifying and urgent.
The Bureaucratic Job: Filling out form CRM-302409359 to prove that "dying" counts as a "noun."
The system I am fighting is designed to be immune to horror.
It is an insulation layer.
The people in D.C. don't see Conrad the human, the husband, or the disabled vet; they see a file number.
The people in Texas don't hear the seizures; they refresh my website to make sure I haven't posted their names.
If I only do the "Human Job" (scream), they ignore me.
If I only do the "Bureaucratic Job" (file forms), they delay me.
I have to do both, and it is the heaviest cruelty I have ever endured.
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