Thread by @Theholisticpsyc

How to immediately shut down someone who's rude or disrespectful:

When someone's rude to us, we think it's our role to defend ourselves or to make them understand what they've done.

This is over-functioning. It's never our role.

We say things like:
- "I don't appreciate you talking to me that way"
- "Why are you being so rude?"
- "You made me feel like x"
- "That's actually not what I did I did x"

This puts us in a defensive state where our nervous system goes haywire. It signals to the other person that they're powerful, that their words hold extreme meaning, and that they can get emotional activation from us.

Confident, emotionally mature people know that when someone's rude, it's not personal. Being rude comes from a person's own emotional capacity. They are usually insecure, overstimulated, or both.

Instead, pause. Then ask a direct question, so they're in the position of explaining themselves. This immediately flips the dynamic and keeps you calm and within control.

Ask Them:
- "Can you help me understand what you mean by that?"
- "Do you think that comment helps this conversation?"
- "I hear you're frustrated, can you tell me why?"
- "That feels intense, what's behind that comment?"

Most people don't expect (and have never been asked) a question after a rude comment. This subtle response holds them accountable. It's a clear boundary.

Chronically rude people are used to speaking in a specific way that gives them a guaranteed reaction. A false feeling of being in control. It provides them with a projection of strength they actually lack.

A person asking a calm, simple question sends them immediately into fight or flight because it exposes their insecurity and removes the safety of rudeness as a shield.

Instead of leaving offended, you'll leave empowered.

Have you ever tried this? Share in the comments...