In an attempt to possibly explain why 77 million Americans voted for this man, while simultaneously explaining just why it is that Europeans live substantially longer, I’m absolutely delighted to introduce the revised list of US food that you cannot legally sell in Europe!🧵
US Bread
Traditionally baked with just enough potassium bromate to make it fluffy and sufficient sugar to make the diabetes get to you before the cancer from the bromate does, US bread is legally sold as "cake" in the few EU countries that still allow for it to be sold.
US Instant Mashed Potatoes
Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, most of Europe has outright banned the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hair loss.
US Pop-Tarts
Very much an American classic which can double as a chemical weapon should you ever be in need, US Pop-Tarts have more than sufficient trans fats in them to make the carcinogenic dyes in it rather pointless, making for yet another EU banned delicious breakfast.
US Milk
The newest obsession of the US Secretary of Pestilence, US milk cannot legally be sold in the EU due to US farmers being known on occasion to spike the food of their cows with a mix of hormones, in a bid to squeeze out a few extra drops of milk and profit off them.
US Farm Raised Salmon
With just enough cheap industrially synthetized astaxanthin in them to make their flesh go a cheerful pink instead of their rather boring natural gray when farm raised, US salmon cannot legally be sold in several EU countries, Australia or New Zealand.
US Pork
Because American pigs are often fed large amounts of ractopamine, a drug that does wonders in increasing muscle growth in pigs and cancer in humans, the EU has deemed the product unsafe and banned it, seemingly without much concern for the profits of US oligarchs.
US Skittles
Banned throughout the EU in its original US form on grounds of containing titanium dioxide and synthetic dyes which may or may not be linked to DNA damage, Skittles had to come up with an entirely different titanium free recipe to access the European market.
US Chicken Meat
The American habit of bathing chicken meat in chlorine, a very safe and cheap practice legal in the US, led most of Europe to ban US chicken meat, much to the annoyance of Europeans looking for something to help them gain admission into Charles Xavier's academy.
US Frozen Dinners
Containing a totally safe chemical also widely used to bleach plastic, the wide variety of US frozen dinners have been deemed as unsafe for human and animal consumption in the EU, a widely unpopular move among Europeans looking for a quick way to get cancer.
US Chocolate Milk
Following several studies that have found the product to really help in never seeing what life beyond 50 looks like, or at least not remembering it for long given it seems to also cause Alzheimer's, the EU banned this otherwise delicious US product.
US Apples
Known to otherwise keep the doctors away, thanks to the diphenylamine they are sprayed with consuming US apples is a great way to make sure you will end up seeing multiple confused doctors and has been banned from sale in the European Union and most of the world.
US Froot Loops
Stuffed with a mix of the unsafest food colorings known to man, from the ones suspected to be linked to DNA damage to the ones known to cause neurobehavioral issues in children, most of Europe banned the product and nearly everything this product is made out of.
US Bleached Flour
With white flour not being white enough apparently, some US producers routinely treat it with chlorine gas or benzoyl, leading most of Europe to straight up ban the thing, somewhat unfairly depriving Europeans from a quick and easy way to get diabetes.
US Fake Blueberries
Banned in the EU but found in nearly every US product claiming to have actual blueberries in it, the fake blueberries get their blue from a totally safe and tasty petroleum derived dye, one highly recommended for those looking to grow a third arm.
US Canned Whole Chicken
Usually sold under some very misleading packaging that doesn't quite do justice to the product inside and with its taste most often described as closely resembling that of regret, US canned chicken cannot legally be sold as human food in Europe.
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