With the US now experiencing a major comeback of foodborne diseases, which may or may not be linked to having no regulations and the criminally insane in charge of things, I figured it was time to finish my guide to US food that you cannot sell as food in most of Europe.🧵 US Bleached Flour

With regular white flour apparently not being sufficiently white, giving it the chlorine gas WW1 chemical weapons treatment has become a standard practice among US producers, making for a quick and accessible way to put type 1 back into your diabetes.

With Russians continuing to be duped into doing all sorts of things, from setting stuff on fire to unknowingly donating money to the Ukrainian Armed Forces, I figured I'd share some of the most gloriously ridiculous cases I've come across over the past three years or so.🧵

https://twitter.com/NOELreports/status/2081051665776451863

In Bryansk, a zealous Z patriot decided to do her bit for the motherland by following the request received on Telegram from what she totally believed to be FSB agents, which instructed her to set fire to a random police car, all in order to smoke signal their super secret FSB helicopter on its super secret patrol mission.

Heeding the call of duty, she promptly proceeded to walk towards the nearest police station and patriotically set fire to the police car she judged to be most likely to send the biggest smoke cloud, burning it to an absolute crisp.

With the Kremlin again trying to convince the world that Russia is a "traditional values" paradise for Westerners looking to relocate, I figured I'd again share some of the very real stories of those who did relocate and just how well that worked out for them. 🧵 The Vatniks in the Rye

In January 2024, sick and tired of Canada's too many gender-neutral toilets, a conservative Canadian couple decided to keep things simple and move to a country with fewer indoor toilets altogether, Russia.

Having burnt all their bridges, sold all their possession, and speaking exactly zero Russian, off they went to farm in Siberia. Another reason behind this dumb decision was the increasing amount of immigrants apparently encroaching on their middle-of-nowhere, off grid farm in Canada.

In an epic testament of FAFO, they will go on to discover Russians do not speak English either and have the exact same views on immigrants who can't speak the language as they do.

Being one of the very few trying to get in instead of trying to get out, they quickly became a media sensation in Russia for a couple of days, until everyone got bored and forgot about them.

They will go on to have all their funds frozen by Russian banks, who rightfully found it suspicious that someone would actually do what they just did. Trying to get their funds unfrozen would lead them to get acquainted with a lesser-known piece of Russian legislation, one that gives banks a free pass on providing a multilingual hotline. Ironically, they were advocating for a similar law back in Canada.

After this experience, the couple will post a video titled "I'm very disappointed in this country" which, for reasons completely unrelated to FSB, got deleted and replaced with a "WE ARE SORRY AND WILL DO BETTER!", all in caps, video.

Since, the couple appears to have made peace with being stuck in Russia and is spending most of their days posting videos praising Russian farming equipment stores and tractors.

In the past 55 days, the president of the US has averaged about 20 social media posts a day, ranging from Bruce Lee videos to AI content of him beating up Canadians. To highlight this man's increasing descent into madness, I've put together a timeline of his Iran War posts.🧵 Day 4 of the war: Trump announces that the entire Iranian military is gone and the Iranians want to negotiate, an offered he claims to have flatly refused, on ground of it being "too late".

With the US now on the verge of achieving pure idiocracy and a brand new form of government that can only be described in terms of coconuts and bananas, I’ve decided to expand my guide to what is arguably the most cartoonishly stupid administration known to modern man. 🧵 Married to an obscenely rich man whose children were already having children by the time she was born, and often seen wearing oversized crosses to differentiate herself from her North Korean counterpart, Karoline Leavitt is currently serving as White House Press Secretary.

With the president of the United States now thinking of himself as Jesus, I figured I’d tell you about the very Trump like Chinese peasant who, after having dreamt one night that he was the younger brother of Jesus, started arguably the bloodiest civil war in human history. 🧵 Born in 1814 in an impoverished Chinese village, the sound of mind Hong Xiuquan would misguide his family into pouring all their meager savings into his education, in hopes of him dragging them out of poverty by passing the infamously difficult Chinese Civil Service Exams.

The greatest triumph of the incessant hurricane of lies coming from Russia, MAGA, and the likes of Elon Musk has been convincing a significant share of the world, including Europeans, to believe in a “decaying and collapsing” Europe that exists solely in their imagination.🧵 Nearly every single country on the European continent, the one that is supposedly "a totalitarian hellhole with no free speech", ranks significantly higher than the US in terms of freedom of the press, with every single one of the top 10 spots being occupied by European countries.

I believe it is worth revisiting just how utterly tragic EU accession has been for some of the most recent member states to join, and, in doing so, explain why all local anti-EU actors, for all the backing of Donald Trump and Russia, will always ultimately end up defeated. 🧵 Since tragically joining the union in 2004, Poland has barely even managed to quadruple its GDP and start what is routinely referred to as "The Polish Golden Age", likely an achievement completely unrelated to the quarter of a trillion dollars worth of EU funds it received.

With less than 24 hours left until Hungarians head to the polls, I figured it is a good moment to take one final look at what Viktor Orbán has achieved in his 16 years of uninterrupted, near absolute reign in Hungary, by comparing Hungary’s performance with that of Romania.🧵 In 2010, just as Orban started his second reign, the country stood as the 53rd least corrupt country in the world, while Romania was ranked as 75th.

In 2026, after nearly 16 years of Viktor Orban, Hungary succeeded in being ranked as significantly more corrupt than Romania.

Given that we all could probably use a bit of lighthearted humor right now, and since it’s been quite some time since my last “News from Romania” thread, here’s an all time best of collection of the funniest and most absurd real bits of news I’ve collected over the years. 🧵 Enjoying the location and not allowing himself to be disheartened by the fact that it was very occupied, a Romanian man built his house right on top of an apartment block.

Due to some obscure piece of legislation and the sheer difficulty of it, the house cannot be demolished.

Over the past year, I’ve constantly asked myself how it is possible that 77 million people voted to have this abomination as their president for a second time. While I certainly don’t have the answer just yet, I think I’ve come up with a rather accurate how-to guide of sorts.🧵 First and foremost, it is essential to acknowledge that ending up in an autocracy or a full fledged dictatorship is something that can only happen to other people. Of all times and all places, you alone are lucky enough to find yourself in the one spot magically immune to it.

Since I happen to be from Transylvania, seeing so many people claim that Stephen Miller is a vampire led me to take a closer look at the life of this man suspiciously passionate about racial purity, currently serving as the US shadow president, for all intents and purposes.🧵 Having went bald and aged some 37 years between the ages of 15 and 17 and already an avid reader of "Guns&Ammo" magazine by the age of 12, Miller would eventually let his only childhood friend know they can't be friends anymore on grounds of him being the wrong shade of white.

Have you been looking for a place to relax, unwind and quite possibly significantly shorten your lifespan? Are you passionate about forced labor? Is indoor plumbing not really your thing? Here's a few cities in Russia you should absolutely consider as your next trip abroad!🧵 Famous for having the world’s largest Lenin head and pretty much nothing else really, Ulan-Ude is highly recommended to those looking to experience a sense of existential insignificance and dread, best appreciated while standing directly beneath Lenin’s unblinking gaze.

To remind Donald Trump and his supporters why the US now finds itself without allies willing to provide the help Trump desperately wants but claims he doesn’t need, in the war he says he won, here’s a sample of the many comments he has made about US allies over the past year. 🧵 Canada

In just a year, Donald Trump made tens of comments about his desire to annex Canada, posting maps and attempting to tariff it into submission. Just 6 days ago, for what is probably the hundredth time, Donald Trump refereed to the PM of Canada as "the future governor".

In an attempt to explain just why it is that some 77 million Americans voted for the dumbest man alive to be their president for a second time, I’m absolutely delighted to present you with the expanded list of US food that you cannot legally sell in Europe!🧵 US Instant Mashed Potatoes

Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, most of Europe has outright banned the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hair loss.

Testament to how fast dictatorships can collapse, in 1989, Nicolae Ceaușescu delivered what would be his final speech, addressing 100k people he forcibly gathered there.

In one of the most iconic moments of modern history, he will lose control of the crowd.🧵 Bucharest would soon be engulfed in revolution, with an ever increasing number of people taking to the streets in the following hours. To the sound of "DEATH TO THE TYRANT!", people begin to carve the communist coat of arms out of the Romanian flags they were carrying.

With Hungarian "Eternal Supreme Leader" Viktor Orban desperate to make the upcoming election about Ukraine, I find it only fair to review his achievements as "Hungarian Prime Minister for Life" by comparing Hungary to his second favorite neighbor after Ukraine: Romania.🧵 Despite having about half of Romania's population, in 2003, shortly after Orban's first term, Hungary had a GDP of $85 bil. while Romania's stood at $57 bil.

Today, after too many Orban years to count, Hungary's GDP is about $220 billion, while Romania's surpassed $400 bil.

In an attempt to possibly explain why 77 million Americans voted for this man, while simultaneously explaining just why it is that Europeans live substantially longer, I’m absolutely delighted to introduce the revised list of US food that you cannot legally sell in Europe!🧵 US Bread

Traditionally baked with just enough potassium bromate to make it fluffy and sufficient sugar to make the diabetes get to you before the cancer from the bromate does, US bread is legally sold as "cake" in the few EU countries that still allow for it to be sold.

Multiple U.S. federal agencies (FBI, DEA, ICE and State Department) have signed a three-year contract with Oxygen Forensics, a Russian software company founded by "former" FSB agents, specializing in software for geolocation and extraction of deleted data from smartphones. Meet Russia's "Oxygen Software":

"She did the movie and it has become the biggest selling documentary in 20 years, can you believe it? The theaters are all packed. Women especially they go back and they see it 2 or 3 times."

For your reading pleasure, here’s the top reviews of documentary "Melania":🧵 The Guardian: "The whole thing was exhaustingly boring and chillingly vain. Melania’s appears an entirely airless existence [...] The two hours of Melania feel like pure, endless hell. They list Melania’s achievements in such laudatory fashion that North Koreans would blush."

Since most of my fellow Europeans haven’t had the time or stomach to fully acquaint themselves with who’s who in Trump’s up and coming American Reich, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a short guide to the main cartoon villains and abominations of this administration.🧵 Affectionately referred to as "pure fucking evil" by her closest friends, family and by everyone who has ever met, seen, or heard her really, Kristi Noem is the woman Trump tasked with deporting people to Salvadoran concentration camps, after learning that she shot a puppy.