In an attempt to possibly explain why 77 million Americans voted for this man, while simultaneously explaining just why it is that Europeans live substantially longer, I’m absolutely delighted to introduce the revised list of US food that you cannot legally sell in Europe!🧵 US Bread

Traditionally baked with just enough potassium bromate to make it fluffy and sufficient sugar to make the diabetes get to you before the cancer from the bromate does, US bread is legally sold as "cake" in the few EU countries that still allow for it to be sold.

Multiple U.S. federal agencies (FBI, DEA, ICE and State Department) have signed a three-year contract with Oxygen Forensics, a Russian software company founded by "former" FSB agents, specializing in software for geolocation and extraction of deleted data from smartphones. Meet Russia's "Oxygen Software":

"She did the movie and it has become the biggest selling documentary in 20 years, can you believe it? The theaters are all packed. Women especially they go back and they see it 2 or 3 times."

For your reading pleasure, here’s the top reviews of documentary "Melania":🧵 The Guardian: "The whole thing was exhaustingly boring and chillingly vain. Melania’s appears an entirely airless existence [...] The two hours of Melania feel like pure, endless hell. They list Melania’s achievements in such laudatory fashion that North Koreans would blush."

Since most of my fellow Europeans haven’t had the time or stomach to fully acquaint themselves with who’s who in Trump’s up and coming American Reich, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a short guide to the main cartoon villains and abominations of this administration.🧵 Affectionately referred to as "pure fucking evil" by her closest friends, family and by everyone who has ever met, seen, or heard her really, Kristi Noem is the woman Trump tasked with deporting people to Salvadoran concentration camps, after learning that she shot a puppy.

Given that Trump supporters seem to think of Europe as an underdeveloped backwater where people live in underground holes and bow hunt rats for a meal, it might be worth revisiting this short thread tackling common U.S. stereotypes about Europe and American exceptionalism.🧵 While every US oligarch and official, assuming there's still a distinction about the two, likes to decry the lack of freedom in Europe, nearly every single country on the European continent ranks significantly higher than the "land of the free" in terms of freedom of press.

With Russian operative and generic "Florida Man" Anna Paulina Luna now effectively calling for the dissolution of the EU, it believe it is worth revisiting just how utterly tragic EU accession has been for some of the most recent member states to join.🧵

https://twitter.com/RepLuna/status/2021368561420369963

Since tragically joining the union in 2004, Poland has barely even managed to quadruple its GDP and start what is routinely referred to as "The Polish Golden Age", likely an achievement completely unrelated to the quarter of a trillion dollars worth of EU funds it received.

There’s a series of polls conducted by the Russian pollster Levada over a period of several years which, when linked together, I think offer a fairly clear insight into the mysterious Russian soul and just why it is Trump and his supporters find such a kindred spirit in it.🧵 While apparently a lot of people in Africa still hold somewhat of a positive view of Russia, Russians do not at all reciprocate that feeling. Less then 1 in 10 Russians can even conceive having someone from Africa as a family member, neighbor, friend or coworker.

The $75 million dollar Amazon funded Melania movie, directed by an Epstein associate, has now been reviewed by nearly every major publication that covers movies, and the reviews are so delicious that I think it is worth taking a look at them. 🧵 The Guardian: "The whole thing was exhaustingly boring and chillingly vain. Melania’s appears an entirely airless existence [...] The two hours of Melania feel like pure, endless hell. They list Melania’s achievements in such laudatory fashion that North Koreans would blush."

With about 60 days left before Hungarians head to the polls, I figured it is the perfect time to revisit Orban's achievements by comparing Hungary to Romania, just to show how inefficient Orban's authoritarianism is even when compared to a far from perfect democratic state. Despite having half of Romania's population, in 2003, shortly after Orban's first term, Hungary had a GDP of $85 bil. while Romania's stood at $57 bil. Today, after 15 uninterrupted years of Orban, Hungary's GDP is about $240 billion, while Romania's stands at about double that.

For lack of a better way to put it, consider this as a revised crash course into the current U.S. administration for my fellow Europeans, just so we can more easily tell which bit of the up and coming American Reich each of these abominations is in charge of.🧵 Famous for having gone bald and aged some 37 years by the time he entered high school, point at which he had already picked up what was to be a lifelong passion for racial purity, Stephen "Reichskommissar" Miller is the current White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy.

Since this US administration’s agenda of insulting Europe has now reached the topic of food, with the US Secretary of the Treasury claiming he would “rather eat bugs” than Swiss food, I decided to revisit and expand my list of US food so unsafe most of Europe had to ban it.🧵 US Instant Mashed Potatoes

Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, most of Europe has outright banned the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hairloss.

Because it remains important to show the world what Russia looks like, the country that continues to spent hundreds of millions of dollars every night trying to freeze and terrorize the Ukrainian population, I have compiled a "best of" from my guides through Russia's cities.🧵 With its 200k inhabitants enjoying a life expectancy of 42 and having "life may be bad but at least it's short" as the unofficial motto, Dzerzhinsk is a must among worldwide chemical weapons enthusiasts, with popular tourist hotspots such as "The White Sea" and the "Black hole".

With MAGA rediscovering American exceptionalism and thinking Europe to be the underdeveloped backwater where we live in underground holes and bow hunt rats for survival, I've decided to do a short thread tackling some of the many failures of the American education system.🧵 While MAGA propagandists, Elon Musk, JD Vance, and Fox News spend every minute of every day telling you that the Europe you can’t point out on a map is unsafe, we’ve built so much safer of a society that it would take several civil wars to get us on par with the United States.

I think the best way to anticipate where the US is headed next is by looking at the life of Stephen Miller, the US shadow president and very embodiment of evil that is now appearing on every TV channel to defend the ICE agent that summarily executed an innocent woman.🧵 Having went bald and aged some 37 years in between the ages of 15 and 17 and already an avid reader of "Guns&Ammo" magazine by the age of 12, Miller would eventually let his only friend know they can't see each other anymore on grounds of him being the wrong shade of white.

To highlight Russia's willingness to negotiate and because we tend to lose track of facts and statements, I've compiled a list of all threats and predictions made over the past 2 years by Dmitry Medvedev, former president and current deputy chair of Russia's Security Council.🧵 January-February 2024

Russia to soon get Alaska.
Texas to become independent with Russian help.
Threatens Sweden with annihilation.
Threatens British PM with cluster munitions.
Threatens Ukraine with nuclear missiles.
French farmers to start a revolution against Macron.

Since I actually happen to be from Transylvania, seeing so many people call Stephen Miller a vampire made me want to take a closer look at the life of this man suspiciously passionate racial purity who has so far spent nearly every waking moment of his life hating immigrants.🧵 Having went bold and aged some 37 years in between the ages of 15 and 17 and already an avid reader of "Guns&Ammo" magazine by the age of 12, Miller would eventually let his only friend know they can't see each other anymore on grounds of him being the wrong shade of white.

Because most of my fellow Europeans haven't had the time nor stamina to fully acquaint themselves with the complete spectrum of insanity that is the current U.S. administration, I've taken it upon myself to offer a brief, honest introduction to its main characters.🧵 Often affectionately referred to as "pure f*cking evil" by her closest friends and by everyone who has ever met, seen, or heard her really, Kristi Noem is the woman Trump tasked with deporting people to Salvadoran concentration camps, after learning that she shot a puppy.

I figured the best way to celebrate Ukraine sinking another Russian submarine would be to revisit what is arguably the greatest feat of incompetence in Russian naval history, for now.

This will be a TLDR of the utterly idiotic voyage of Russia's "Second Pacific Squadron."🧵 With the population on the verge of revolution, Tsar Nicholas II figured a short and easy war would be just what he needed to help with his popularity.

Of all potential candidates for that "short and easy war", in a well-thought-out move, he picked Imperial Japan.

Much like JD Vance, Elon Musk and Bob, the Nascar fan from Alabama with some really strong opinions about European integration, I too have asked myself the age old question: "what has the EU ever done for us?" and decided to have a look at some of the latest countries to join.🧵 Since tragically joining the union in 2004, Poland has barely even managed to quadruple its GDP and start what is routinely reffered to as "The Polish Golden Age", likely an achivement completely unrelated to the quarter of a trillion dollars worth of EU funds it received.

There are, in fact, quite a number of Westerners who have escaped the "unelected EU bureaucracy" over the past four years to embrace true liberty in Russia, and I took it upon myself to document their stories.

Welcome to "Vatnik FAFO Stories", the definitive edition!🧵 A Vatnik's Guide to the Galaxy

In May 2023, having had enough of the decadent LGBTQ EU, a Slovak man, whom I shall name Flipper for a very particular reason, decided to deal a severe blow to the Western world by moving to the promised land, Russia.

Sometimes, all it takes for a vatnik to have a change of heart is as little as walking across 5 borders, swimming across a river into Russia, running into FSB, spending some time in the Russian penal system, and getting extradited. This will be a grand epic of FAFO and redemption.

Flipper is a trained musician skilled in playing the cello and piano and composing operas and symphonies, a talent he put to good use by creating timeless pieces of art such as "Long Live Russia" and several "Odes to Putin".

Possibly unaware that Russia has an embassy in Slovakia and is quite happy to legally welcome dumbasses such as him, Flipper made his way across Europe on foot and eventually reached Estonia, where he figured swimming across the half frozen Narva River is his best bet.

Shortly after stepping foot on Russian territory, hypothermic but excited, he took off his floating ring and attempted to impress the FSB agents who picked him up by showing them his pro-Russian songs. Presumably unimpressed, they proceeded to beat him to a pulp. confiscate his phone, accuse him of being a Western spy, and quickly throw him in jail.

He would write in his prison diary, with much surprise: "They arrested me and put me in a cell with 60 people. The toilet was a hole in the ground, like an open sewer. I used to put cotton wool in my ears so that the bugs wouldn't get in, we even had rats in some of the cells and the prison authorities never did anything about it."

Fortunately, Flipper would only spend 2 months in Russia as the Slovakian diplomacy was able to bring their dumb prodigal son back home. Reflecting on his time in the Russian prison, he expressed his empathy for Ukrainian prisoners, believing that they must suffer immensely. He criticized the treatment they receive, describing it as barbaric.

Theres a very long list of US products that cannot be sold in the EU thanks to EU regulations. Since the favorite pastime of the Trump regime and every US oligarch is now to demonize EU regulations, I thought it would be very much worth going through some of those products.🧵 US Instant Mashed Potatoes

Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, the EU decided to outright ban the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hairloss.