Crying is the body's way of processing emotions.
Apologizing for crying or telling someone to stop crying blocks our brain from releasing painful events.
The Science of Tears:
When we have an emotional experience, our limbic system alerts the brain and facial nerves to produce tears. Tears release neurotransmitters and hormonal stress responses from the body.
When we cry, our breathing slows and our parasympathetic nervous system is activated. After crying you'll feel tired or calm because your body properly stored an emotional memory.
Crying is so important for humans. As babies it's how we communicate that we're hungry, tired, or need something.
But some people haven't been comforted when they cried. So they become awkward or uncomfortable when they see someone break down in tears.
They might say things like "don't cry" or "you don't have to be upset." Some people feel like they need to apologize for crying like they've done something wrong.
When someone is crying you don't need to say it's ok (it might not be.) You don't need to tell them to stop. You don't try to fix it because there is nothing to fix.
Just be with it. Stay calm.
When someone cries you can:
- say "Hey take your time"
- say "I'm right here with you"
- say "Do you want to talk about it"
- give physical comfort (hand on shoulder or hug)
Letting someone cry is a profoundly intimate experience. Giving someone the space to cry, instead of panicking is a bonding experience that allows people to trust you.
Letting yourself cry is a biological act of emotional regulation. Every tear releases stress and helps your brain make sense of the pain instead of suppressing it.
Tears are medicine, let them flow.
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