I’ve had friends accuse me of becoming #exvangelical because I’m tired of “being challenged.” They’ve all but said I’m taking the easy way out. Which I find ridiculous. /cont.
Do they have no idea how hard it‘s been to change my perspective on God’s plan and the amount of power they possess? There’s a lot of hope to be lost there. /cont.
I always found so much comfort in the idea of there being this grand plan - that “everything would work together for the good of those who love him,” amirite? /cont.
Painful situations would be redeemed for good. Good would be rewarded, bad would be punished. The Plan would happen, even if I made the wrong choice and messed things up... realizing that I don’t believe that anymore hasn’t been easy. It’s been terrifying. /cont.
Understanding that no one is going to come along with some big cosmic broom and clean up whatever mess I make? Scary as fuck. My choices matter a lot more than I thought. They can hurt me and those around me. /cont.
Realizing that sometimes awful things happen and there’s no great, redeeming plan that will give those things a purpose? So painful. It’s been even harder to heal from these chaotic, pointless traumas. /cont.
Knowing that there isn’t always punishment for those who do the absolute wrong thing? Makes me so goddamn angry. People can just harm each other and get away with it, never suffering consequences. /cont.
And you know what? If anything, letting go of those beliefs has been more difficult than holding onto them. Because now I’M responsible for a lot more. Now I make my choices and clean up my messes. Now I choose who I turn into when I face trauma. /cont.
Now I’ve GOT TO try to bring harmful people to justice, and do my best to escape oppression. No one’s coming to save us. We save ourselves. /cont.
But sure, yeah. This is the easy way out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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