The Kingdom of the United States is like a brother and sister named Thomas and Mary, who moved next door to one another, along with their spouses, Sally and Abe.
As children, Thomas and Mary had always been close, and the two couples quickly became best of friends.
Double dates every Friday, joint vacations, backyard barbecue. Support for each other in times of crisis. Assisting on one another’s home improvement projects. Loans in times of financial distress.
Thomas even hired Abe to work in his company, and Abe proved apt; he quickly became Thomas’s general manager.
Thomas and Sally and Abe and Mary, best of friends for years.
Late one night, a knock came at Abe and Mary’s door; it was Sally, beaten badly, arm broken, eye swollen shut. Thomas had done this to her, she said. It wasn’t the first time; it had been going on for years.
But tonight, for the first time in years, Thomas had pushed it further, had hit and not stopped hitting. Tonight she feared for her life. She came to the one place she could think to go. She came to her friends. She came to her brother and sister.
That night, at the hospital, Abe and Mary talked, and discovered many things now cast in a new light.
Sally’s famous clumsiness seemed less accidental now, her tendency to over-drink seemed compensatory, and certain of Thomas’s running jokes about Sally’s shortcomings revealed themselves as cruel and controlling.
Things Sally had said to them, which they had taken for jokes, now seemed like confessions, like cries, like calls for help.
Thomas’s habit of playing loud music at odd hours now seemed calculated to mask other sounds.
Mary remembered troubling rumors she'd heard, and soon discounted, of Thomas's behavior with Mary and other partners when he was in college out of state.
Both Abe and Mary realized a new menace now tinted actions and words that had previously seemed harmless.
In time, the police arrived, and, just after them, came Thomas, who explained that Sally had just been having an episode.
It happened sometimes. He never mentioned it because he didn’t want to embarrass her, but last night she'd gone too far. She's scared him. (I'm still scared. Look. I'm shaking.)
She’d gotten drunk and angry, he claimed. She’d started screaming at him (look, she’s screaming now). Then, out of the blue, on purpose, she'd thrown herself down a flight of stairs.
Thomas was deeply disturbed by their reaction to him. He was shocked, offended; they’d gotten him all wrong. She was doing this to get back at him for imagined offenses. And he was a good person; they knew him, so they knew he was a good person.
All the times he’d helped them—even *employed* them. How could they believe it of him? And, they had to admit … Sally was a a drinker, no? A bit of a lush? And by the way, how was this anybody else’s business? He was very calm and very logical.
The police asked Sally if she had been drinking last night. Sally admitted she had.
The police cleared their throats. They asked Abe and Mary, do you really want to give a statement?
Abe decided not to give a statement. After all, Thomas was his friend and brother and boss. And, he reasoned, both sides have some part of every quarrel. And he knew Thomas, and knew all of his amazing qualities. It was impossible to think his friend—his brother—was an evil man.
But Mary gave her report to the police, and stood with Sally as Sally gave hers, and when Abe left them both to bail out Thomas, she brought her sister into her own home and changed the locks. When Abe returned with Thomas, neither of them could get in anymore.
When Thomas demanded to be let in to see his own wife, Mary told him, I love you. But things aren’t the same anymore, now that I see what you’ve done.
When Abe demanded to be let in to his own home, Mary told him, I love you. But things aren’t the same anymore, now that I see what you’re willing to allow.
And Thomas berated his wife, growing ever angrier for alleged lies against his character, and shouted that her behavior now merited the treatment she had falsely claimed to have received.
And Abe scolded his wife, for her harsh tone, her close-mindedness, her unwillingness to hear both sides. But Sally would not deny what she knew had happened. And Mary refused to open the door, no matter how hard the aggrieved husbands pounded.
And both Thomas and Abe were angry and offended, and they went off to complain to each other about the uncompromising attitudes of their wives.
And Sally wept, because she was abused and vulnerable, and she mourned, because she had been beaten and disbelieved.
And Mary mourned, because Thomas was still her brother, and Abe was still her husband.
And she wept, because Sally was still her sister.
/end
To those who scold that we mustn’t assume evil intentions into the actions of people who consistently pursue absolute evil with steadfast dedication and unshakable resolve: yes, we should.
I guess the ultimate answer to "you don't know what their true motivations are" is "who gives a shit what their motivations are?"
I care *that* you want to burn down my house. I only care *why* you want to burn down my house to the extent it helps me stop you.
Father: *strangles my brother*
Me: help help my father is murdering my brother
Centrist Cousin: it’s that sort of us vs them thinking that’s tearing this family apart
Me: no look literally he’s murdering my brother right in front of us
Centrist Cousin: he’s never going to want to stop if you keep vilifying him with overheated black and white language; I’ve engaged many stranglers and learned a lot about the complexities
Brother: gkkk gkk gk
Me: Look he’s about to die, for real; I really think we just need to stop my dad from killing him right now
Centrist Cousin: that’s exactly the sort of judgemental escalating bad thinking on our side that we need to criticize, I refuse to let myself become just as bad as he is
To be clear, that's any Republicans at any level for any position at any time, and honestly we may want to expand that to include Democrats willing to work with Republicans.
Shut the whole party down, out, and over.
If you want to live in a modern enlightened society and you vote for Republicans, no you don't.
As a Wordle pro on the tour, I feel I should share the best starting word, which all the pros know.
(My own personal favorite starting word is COCCYX, but if I show amateurs how to guess 6-letter words I will be banned from the Wordle Pro Tour and forced to sit next to Bret Stephens in the NYT cafeteria.)
Wordle is a game of constantly shifting strategy; I recommend you get the latest version of my strategy compendium, v14.
Specifically with this order. The one that exists. This reality. The way our systems and laws are set up, the way they’re codified and the way they’re operationalized. What they claim to intend to do, and what they actually do.
“The way things are,” in other words.
Let’s think of conservatism as being, in its essence, an orientation that desires to keep the existing order just as it is, or to make slow and deliberate calculated minor adjustments, to the existing order.
In BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S, Mickey Rooney played I. Y. Yunioshi, dressed up in buck teeth and a cartoon squint, a grotesque caricature of a Japanese person.
So I suppose in that sense “you wouldn’t be able” to make BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S today.
Which seems somehow preferable.
Now: what interests me is what it means to say *you can’t* make BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S these days.
It doesn’t mean you CAN’T. Unlike teaching, say,The Bluest Eye to Texas schoolchildren, there exist no laws to prevent Will Ferrell from putting in the teeth and playing Yunioshi.
So actually you *can* make BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S today, I.Y. Yunioshi and all, and throw in Long Duc Dong if you want.
You can if you want wear blackface and dance around in white gloves, like Fred Astaire in SWING TIME, if you want to.