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Sep 4, 2018 • 13 tweets • 4 min read
In true American fashion I just DRONE STRIKED my Nike shoes! #MAGA
It's my right as an American to drone strike whatever I want in my own apartment

It's not a parody. I 100% called in a drone strike on my shoes in my apartment.

No, I just saw everyone burning their shoes so I wanted to use my drone strike machine

Not really, drones are really precise I probably would have been fine

Eh, I probably would have been fine. It barely even burnt my carpet. Drones are really precise these days.

Actually just sounds like you're jealous you don't know to call in a drone strike

Actually, jokes on you they were a gift so I didn't pay ANYTHING

How am I a dumbass because I have CONSUMER FREEDOM?

Actually I don't have a boyfriend, jokes on you I used to have a wife but she left me for her new boyfriend. Idiot!

They were a gift from my ex wife who ran away with my brother, I didn't give Nike ONE PENNY!

Drones are marvels of military tech, everyone should appreciate that

The replies to the drone tweet and the video mocking their meltdown are absolutely hysterical in multiple senses of the word

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More from @JordanUhl

jordan Profile picture
Jul 22, 2021
Disturbing footage of attacks on protesters here
And here

And here

Read 6 tweets
jordan Profile picture
Jan 28, 2021
Homeowners were oversold by realtors & banks, hoodwinked into thinking they qualified for loans they weren't qualified for with rubber-stamp approval processes obfuscated by opaque "credit scores" and ultimately blamed for "living beyond their means" when CDOs & MBSes tanked.
Banks got bailed out as a result. Wall Street execs got bonuses. Nobody got punished for one of the largest financial crimes perpetrated on a global scale. But workers lost pensions & retirement funds. Evictions spiked. And borrowers were blamed.
And time and time again the capitalist class insisted it was the natural state of things because they should have "understood the risks."

Now when a notoriously risky short position is obliterated by other investors, the entire financial apparatus is scrambling to stop it.
Read 5 tweets
jordan Profile picture
Jan 27, 2021
this is extremely funny & the inevitable aftermath will be the country's wealthy elite—the same people who didn't give a shit as millions of people got fucked over in 08—clamoring for more safeguards on the market to prevent this from happening again bc this time it affects them
we're about to see a chorus of financiers, wall st ghouls and likely some members of congress feign outrage that our market, our sweet, precious market, was manipulated (!) by a bunch of redditors! nevermind that in 08 the people who manipulated the system got fucking BAILOUTS!
lol
Read 15 tweets
jordan Profile picture
Jun 5, 2020
Who does this protect?
Here are four supercuts of police responding violently to protesters you can share on your Facebook/IG: dropbox.com/sh/4yzbeohc6gc…
What comes after bootlicker?
Read 4 tweets
jordan Profile picture
May 31, 2020
Who is this serving?

Who is this protecting?
This is what a police state looks like
This Is A Police State 3

Read 6 tweets
jordan Profile picture
Dec 9, 2019
holy shit

a kid asked pete if he will help take big money out of politics and stop having closed-door fundraisers with billionaires

pete's response?

a curt "no"

because he's a republican

maybe if the kid was able to donate the individual max pete would have given him more time

Read 4 tweets

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