So... on this #NationalComingOutDay, I came out to Facebook as asexual (or somewhere on the asexual spectrum, anyway) - and now, I'm out to Twitter too. Today, I adopted another label for myself. And I want to tell you why labels matter. 1/
I've known since college that I was Queer. I came out as lesbian to a few close friends in college, and then a few close friends in the community I found when I moved to NYC for graduate school. 2/
At some point, I realized I wasn't a lesbian; I was bi. 3/
Then, I spent a few years dating, not dating, then once again dating a good friend of mine. (He is still a good friend.) 4/
Not long after we broke up, I saw my 30th birthday approaching, realized I was still single, and decided it was time to really come out. First, to more friends, then to my family, and finally, eight years ago today, to Facebook. 5/
This year, I found that Facebook posts in my memories, and decided I wanted to share it - but then, I realized I wasn't really fully out anymore. See, over the past few years, I have gradually come to realize that there's another identity that is mine. 6/
Over the past few days, I finally decided that yes, I am most likely asexual. (And if I'm not, I'm at least on the asexual spectrum.) And today, I claimed that identity as my own. 7/
And all evening, as I sent texts to my siblings, composed emails to close friends, and then, finally, got ready to post to facebook, I felt this mix of nerves and excitement. 8/
And then, I hit "post" on facebook, and the excitement faded. It was replaced, I think, with this feeling of calm satisfaction. Because this label is me, or it's a part of me. And it feels right to take it as my own. 9/
And I wasn't the only one to come out today as asexual and biromantic. After I had decided to post, but before I actually posted, a friend put up her own post coming out with the exact same labels. And it made me feel more confident in posting my own. 10/
Her response to my status: WELCOME TO THE CLUB. Another friend's response: yes hello welcome. And that felt even better. There's a *club*. And I get to be in that club. With all these other cool people. 11/
And having a label lets me find those people. Having a day set aside for me to take ownership of that label lets me find those people. And having those people makes me feel so much more secure in my identity. Because it's not just me. 12/
Having a label means I'm not wrong or broken. I'm just in a different club. And I've got plenty of good company there. I could have a whole community of people who also share that label if I wanted to. Because the label lets me find them. 13/
But having a label does a lot more than that. It lets me find *myself.* 14/
Because, back when I was in that relationship, I don't think I even knew that asexuality was a thing that existed. I knew what stuff I didn't like and wasn't interested it, but I thought it was something wrong about me or weird about me. Something I needed to fix. 15/
And during that time, I saw a therapist, and that was one of the things we were working on. And I thought she was a good therapist. 16/
But tonight, I realized that there was something she never did. She never asked if I had heard of asexuality. She never let me know that some people just aren't into that stuff, and that's perfectly fine. Tonight, I realized we were trying to fix something that wasn't broken. 17/
And because I had no word for what I was (and am), I didn't know I could just be who I was. I didn't know that was an okay type of person to be. If only I'd had a label, maybe I would have figured that out a lot sooner. 18/
And ultimately, I don't think I suffered any serious lasting harm from this. But I could have. And the same goes for all of the labels under the Queer umbrella. 19/
Imagine if we didn't have a word for nonbinary. Or Trans. Or even gay. Imagine not being able to explain who you are to other people, or even to yourself. Imagine not knowing that who you are is okay, and you aren't broken. 20/
I know that labels can feel constricting for some people, I spent so many years not fully being able to understand who I was, just because no one had given me a word to explain it. And now that I have taken this label as my own, I don't feel constrained; I feel free. 21/
So, on this #NationalComingOutDay, I just want to say that I am grateful for labels, and I am grateful that I know them. Because today, with those labels, I can be fully me. I am asexual and biromantic, and I am here. Today, I claim these labels, and am fully me. 22/22
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For those of us who aren’t celebrating Christmas, I would like to share a story:
In a small Jewish community on an outlying planet sits a museum. At its center, a narrow plinth. Upon the plinth, a boxy container, folded from heavy white paper, its edges charred. A wire handle across its top.
The label reads: In Commemoration of the Great Christmas Alliance
There is no further explanation posted, but ask any museum staff member, and they will tell you the tale of the time when Chinese food saved the Jews from boredom and despair, on the occasion of yet another Christmas.
This Rosh Hashanah, my thoughts kept returning to a single story. It’s the story of a soul, newly arrived at the gates of Heaven And while I’m not sure I believe in a literal heaven, with an actual gate where angels stand guard, a story doesn’t have to be factual to be true.
So a woman arrives at the gates of Heaven. She is small of stature, but she stands tall before the imposing gates. A simple black robe hangs from her shoulders, and a lacy white collar adorns her neck. In her eyes, there is a gleam of steely determination.
In most stories, this is when the angels would stop her. They would ask her to prove she deserves a place in Heaven. But in this story, the angels step aside.
The eighth panel I attended at #ConZealand this year wasn’t technically a panel. It was a dialogue between @doctorow and @Ada_Palmer entitled “Corey Doctorow and Ada Palmer Discuss Censorship and Information Control”
I learned a lot from their conversation.
This thread will include some of the things the two of them said. I’m copying this over from my handwritten notes, so assume I’ve paraphrased unless I put something in quotes.
From @Ada_Palmer: Every time there’s new media technology, people worry about the new one and forget to censor older ones. Censorship focuses on the newest saturate media - and on where people get political information from.
This thread will include some of the things the panelists said. I’m copying this over from my handwritten notes, so assume I’ve paraphrased unless I put something in quotes.
The panelists began by listing pet peeves about how justice is handled in science fiction and fantasy:
@AdriJjy: I want more about societal institutions and systemic things rather than an individual. And I hate the bad guy getting redeemed by dying.
This thread will include some of the things the panelists said. I’m copying this over from my handwritten notes, so assume I’ve paraphrased unless I put something in quotes.
First, the panelists introduced themselves. Among other things, each shared which indigenous tribe they are a part of. Because most of these tribal names were unfamiliar to me, I didn’t know how to spell them, so I looked them up afterward on author websites and twitter.