Thread by @sashaperigo

A couple years ago, I made the ill-fated decision of briefly dating a startup founder. He just popped up in my social media feed, and I couldn't come up with a better parody of a tech bro if I tried.

Let's laugh at my misfortune; here's a brief thread with the bingo card.

✔️ Sued for wage theft

This man is currently battling a lawsuit for repeatedly missing payroll while encouraging his employees to work "on a volunteer basis" in his first venture as a CEO. *Despite this*, he was hired to be a founder in residence at a new VC firm.

✔️ For over a year, his profile picture was him shaking hands with Hillary Clinton.
✔️ Biden and Beto are his top picks for 2020. No, I'm not kidding.

✔️ Bragged (??) on the first date about using 50 GB of cellular data a month
✔ Still couldn't text me back

How does one even use that much cellular data? I'm so confused?

✔️ He met the first celebrity investor in his previous company when they dropped acid together at a party in LA. He was 19 at the time.

✔️ He talked incessantly about being a "male ally" to women in tech. I later found out that he had fired the only woman on his executive team when she spoke out against sexual harassment.

✔️ The new startup he went on to found is literally disaster capitalism.

I don't know how much detail I can go into without revealing this man's identity, but his new company is literally trying to profit off of natural disasters.

✔️ He has over 10K Twitter followers, but he paid for half of them.

✔️ He made friends with one of the anchors on Fox News, and regularly appears on Fox Business as their token "young tech expert".

✔️ He once made the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, because his then girlfriend's mom was friends with the editor.

(okay I've given up on anonymity lol)

✔️ He adhered strictly to the keto diet, for absolutely no medical reason.

✔️ Huge Elon Musk fanboy

On the first date I asked if he was religious, and he took out his laptop and made me watch a video about "Elon Musk's simulation theory".

✔️ He strongly believed that anti-depressants "caused depression" and felt comfortable telling me this despite the fact that I'm clinically depressed?

✔️ He non-ironically referred to "beast mode" as his catch phrase

✔️ He spent a longer time styling his hair than I did

Have you seen my hair? This is honestly impressive.

✔️ His entire Facebook profile is public

I think that's all I have for now. We dated for about a month, and when we finally broke up it was, of course, because I found out that he was a compulsive liar.

there's a solid chance someone will figure out who i'm talking about here. please don't tag him in this thread, but if you do figure it out feel free to DM me lol

my work here is done