Thread by @allan_cheapshot

Crazy Vince McMahon Stories [thread]

Vince hates sneezing. When someone sneezes, he yells at them and tells them to control themselves. On the rare occasion Vince sneezes, he angrily mutters to himself and loses focus for a few minutes (Paul Heyman, on Jericho's podcast)

Vince once raced former WWE writer @courtbauer on an open highway. Vince boxed in Court so that Court was heading straight for road construction. Court had to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. Vince sped off, having "won" the race by almost killing a guy.

@courtbauer Vince went bowling with an NBC exec. The guy had done something Vince didn't like. Obviously since they were bowling, they were wearing bowling shoes. Vince sneaked off, got the guy's real shoes from behind the counter, tossed the shoes in the garbage and left. (1/2)

@courtbauer The guy had no idea where his shoes were and had to go home wearing the gross bowling shoes. Vince contacted him later and said "That's what you get, pal!". The guy wrote a book and said that Vince was the biggest jerk he'd ever met in real life. (2/2).

Vince, as a prank, had real police "arrest" Jonathan Coachman for running a betting pool at work. Coach said when the cop car finally turned around and brought him back to WWE HQ, he openly wept in relief and rage.

Vince got wasted at a strip club and let the Hart Foundation hit their finisher on him, and they hit him really hard.

Vince said something insulting to Kofi on a plane, and Kofi didn't do anything. As they were getting off the plane, Jericho told Kofi that if he didn't confront and fight Vince immediately, Kofi's career was effectively over in Vince's mind. This was how Vince tested his talent.

Former 90210 writer Larry Mollin joined Stephanie's creative team. They were in a meeting with Vince. Vince was talking, Larry was nodding. Stephanie pulled Larry out of the room. She told him, "You need to stop nodding. VINCE HATES NODDING. (1/2)

She explained that if there's one thing Vince hates, it's "yes men". This is extra hilarious because everyone always says that Vince is surrounded by yes men. Poor Larry lasted just a couple of weeks (2/2).

Vince invited Mark Henry to a workout session. Bear in mind that Mark Henry's claim as world's strongest man is based on the fact he is the only man to have competed at top level Olympic Lifting, Power Lifting and Strongman competitions (1/2)

Vince tried to out rep him on every exercise. Henry went along with it because he's competitive and even admitted that Vince tested him a little bit.
Mark says that he actually quit before Vince did
Vince phoned Mark in great pain and admitted he had made a terrible mistake (2/2)

Vince was hesitant to hire Gail Kim due to her being Asian. Jim Ross convinced him not only because of her in ring talent, but the fact that many men are attracted to Asian woman and that there are even lots of Asian porn sites on the internet. (1/2)

This apparently shocked the hell out of Vince, who had no idea Asian porn sites existed. (2/2).

The McMahon's playing pool at their holiday home in Boca. HHH and Steph against Vince and Linda. It was supposed to be a fun family game and Vince turned it into a serious competition. HHH and Steph kept getting lucky and were winning. (1/2)

Vince was getting mad at Linda because she was making their side lose. Eventually Stephanie ended up potting for the win and he cracked up and stalked off.

Then later that night she called him through the intercom and sang 'You're tied to the whipping post, dad' to piss him off and from their bedroom, Steph and HHH could hear him literally screaming in anger on the other side of the house.

Tiger Ali Singh complained to Vince about making him wear a turban and traditional Indian garb, telling him it was offensive to his people and a desecration. Vince replied "You and D-Lo are gonna put on those fucking turbans, I don't care about desecration".

JR once farted in a car with Gerald Brisco, which made Brisco start gagging and throwing up. Vince heard about that, so backstage at RAW one night, he tried to fart and make Brisco puke. It backfired, and Vince shit in his pants.

He then had to go out to the ring and do a promo! JR said that all the production people in his headphones told him about it, and that they were instructed to keep the camera shots ABOVE Vince's waistline for the entire promo.

"I look at eating as fuel. I’m not that conscious of the protein I eat, but I know it’s a lot. I think cheat meals are very important, so I do it about once a week. When you cheat, go for it. It’s important from a psychological standpoint. Oreos are my favourite cookie...."

"...I’ll eat an entire box. And my philosophy is that the body can assimilate only so much in a given time. If you have two or three Oreos every day, not good. But if you eat an entire package of Oreos at one time, it’s OK. It just passes through...."

"... I’ll eat pasta loaded up with meat sauce. Pizza. All the carbs you stay away from normally, load ‘em up. I will gorge. It’s almost like I will force-feed myself on a cheat meal. And afterward I think, “Oh, my God, I don’t want to feel like this.”

Back at Wrestlemania 25, Mickey Rourke got so worked by Chris Jericho that he was convinced that it was a shoot. As a result, he brought muscle with him in case things went awry. One of the people he brought was former UFC LHW Champion, Frank Shamrock. (1/3)

During the day, Jericho hashed things out with Rourke so he knew there'd be no issue. Afterwards, he told Vince about it, and Vince claimed that he, Jericho, and Dean Malenko could take them out, claiming "Look at that guy! He's a midget!" (2/3)

Jericho offered to let him take the "midget", who was Shamrock. (3/3)

A few years ago the company had a Snow Cone party. Kind of weird, I know. This was in the back lot of the TV Studio (not the actual large Headquarter building everyone always sees). Well apparently Vince is a huge Snow Cone fanatic. So much so, that he had a lot of them. (1/2)

Like 10. At one point he got up and announced in front of everyone in his Mr. McMahon "You're Fired" voice that he LOVES SNOW CONES. It was awkward and I had to fight to hold back my laughter. It was surreal." (2/2).

Vince thinks throwing/pushing someone into a swimming pool while fully clothed is the funniest thing on planet earth.

Chris Jericho said he took a picture of Vince sleeping at an airport. He showed the picture to Vince who demanded he delete it immediately.

One time he got drunk and urinated on Ric Flair's hotel bed.

Paul Heyman, where he talked about VKM's competitiveness. Vince supposedly has a world class thick beard, but shaves constantly. Heyman asked Vince why he doesn't just let the beard out and save himself the trouble.

Vince's answer, "I can't let it win."

Vince holds a meeting with all of the talent announcing the switch to PG programming. Michael Tarver stands up and asks a question.

Vince's response: "Excellent question Shelton!"

Someone went to a restaurant and Vince McMahon ordered two different bowls of soup and mixed them together one spoonful at a time before eating both bowls mixed together as one soup.

Vince called the front desk of his hotel demanding a stairmaster, having the concierge buy it with his card and he just left it in the room for whoever.

CM Punk told a story of when he, the Undertaker, JBL, Edge, and Vince all had to room together when they were doing Tribute to the Troops, and Punk couldn't sleep because everyone was snoring, except for Vince, who kept laughing at his own farts.

RE: See No Evil: Vince wants this scene in the movie where Kane's character pulls out his penis, and he wants it to be three feet long.' I thought there was a connection problem, I said 'Greg, can you just back up and repeat that last line for me?' (1/2).

He goes, 'Yes, Vince wants Kane's penis to be three feet long, and none of the producers are saying anything about it.' (2/2).

Jim Cornette was at Vince's house & Vince had somebody from the cable company working on the TV because the sound wouldn't work. The guy came up to Vince holding the remote control and explained to him what a mute button was and that the mute was on. Vince gave him a $100 tip.

Vince had Tommy Dreamer call Sabu about doing One Night Stand. Vince was on the line but he was quiet and Sabu was asking for too much money. Vince then said to Tommy" Tell Sabu TO FUCK SABU."

Mr Fuji was in bad shape health wise and financially but he wouldn't come to see Vince and ask for help. When Vince found out from one of the agents, he sent Earl Hebner with a large bag filled with money to Mr. Fuji's house.

Vince criticising a teenage Shane McMahon for wearing a winter coat....in winter.

They were in a creative meeting trying to come up with ways for Big Show to job while still looking strong. One idea was someone would spike his burrito. Vince was shocked, not for the spiking, but because he had no idea what a burrito was.

Here's an extract from his Playboy interview:

MCMAHON: I remember, probably in the first grade, being invited to a matinee film with my stepbrother and his girlfriends, and I remember them playing with me. Playing my penis, and giggling. I thought that was pretty cool. (1/4)

MCMAHON: That was my initiation into sex. At that age you don't necessarily achieve an erection, but it was cool. At around the same time there was a girl my age who was in essence my cousin Later in life she actually wound up marrying that asshole Leo Lupton, my stepfather (2/4)

MCMAHON: Boy this sounds like Tobacco Road. Anyway I remember the two of us being so curious about each other's bodies but not knowing what the hell to do. We would go into the woods and get naked together. It felt good. And for some reason I wanted to put crushed leaves into her

MCMAHON: Don't know why, but I remember that. I don't remember the first time I had intercourse, believe it or not.

PLAYBOY: Your growing up was pretty accelerated.

MCMAHON: God, yes.

PLAYBOY: Your stepfather beat you?

MCMAHON: [Nodding] Leo Lupton. It's unfortunate he died before I could kill him. I would have enjoyed that.

Todd Pettengill interviewed with Vince and didn't think it went all that well, so left the room feeling kind of dejected. He also interviewed with a few other higher ups and on his way out stopped in the bathroom. Someone in the stall was just destroying the toilet (1/2).

just the foulest smell and loudest farts and Todd, in a weird mood from his failed interview with Vince, pipes up "Hey buddy, how about a courtesy flush!?" Then after a few seconds of silence Vince's unmistakable cackle from behind the stall door.

Pettingill got the job (2/2).

Paying some guy $500 to stop smoking on a plane in the 80's - (Vince hates smoking).

Vince doing like a 12 hour flight for Tribute to the troops. To pass the time, Vince would sneak around the plane, and throw hard candy at the sleeping wrestlers, and would duck behind seats when they woke up and tried to check.

Paul Heyman tells a story about Vince McMahon admiring The Sandman's entrance at ECW One Night Stand while eating a protein bar.

Vince kept walking by and Curtis Axel had his foot out and Vince would just step on his foot on purpose and keep walking. He’d keep talking and walking, come back, step on his foot, boom, keep walking and talking, step on his foot again, repeat…

(1/3)

Eventually, Vince just turned around and was like, ‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’

McGillicutty was just like, ‘Sorry, sir.’

(2/3)

Vince was like, ‘No, no, no, no. You don’t know what I’m doing! I’m stepping on your foot on purpose as I want you to say something. I’m waiting for you to stand up for yourself.’ (3/3)

Wade Keller once talked about meeting Vince McMahon. He went up to his office and walked in to find The Chairman eating pizza. Nothing unusual there, everybody eats pizza. But what was unusual was how embarrassed and mortified Vince's face looked upon being discovered. (1/2).

He looked like a little kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. With fear in his eyes, Vince told Keller, "Wade, you can't print this." As if pizza eating was some groundbreaking and news worthy gossip headline. (2/2).

Vince called his creative team and demanded them to immediately take a flight to his Florida home for an urgent meeting. No one knew what the meeting was for, but figured that it had to be important. Hours later, upon arriving Vince refused to let them in his home. (1/2)

Strangely enough, Vince had decided that a meeting wasn't necessary after all and just like that, everyone had to take another flight back to Stamford for a meeting with Stephanie McMahon. They never found out why Vince called them down to Florida to begin with. (2/2).

The Plane Ride From Hell is highlighted by an amateur wrestling skirmish between Kurt Angle and Vince McMahon after Vince challenged The Olympic Hero by blindsiding him with a takedown. (1/3)

This was old-hat for the two as they had been horsing around like this several times prior to the plane ride. The fact that Vince would regularly try to take down an Olympian who won his gold medal with a broken freakin' neck is mental in itself. (2/3)

The tussle awoke a nearby Undertaker from his sleep, who woke up thinking the two were in a legitimate fight. To save his boss, Undertaker started choking out Angle. Taker didn't let him go until Angle's eyes glazed over and Vince pleaded with Taker that this was all in good fun.

Vince McMahon's 1998 AOL webchat;

Due to some technical issues, no one could send in questions in the second half and Vince started just typing to himself. [thread in thread]

WWFBBANKS: Folks....Mr. McMahon is here! We will begining in a
moment...Send your questions in for Mr. McMahon! Welcome Mr. McMahon!

WWFLive2: HELLO EVERYBODY, GOT A CUP OF COFFEE IN MY HAND GETTING READY TO TRAIN IN AN HOUR, LET'S DO IT!

Question: Who would you like to see represent the WWF as their Champion?

WWFLive2: Bob Backlund, however, Mr. Backlund is too old.

Question: Is Sid coming back?

WWFLive2: I hope not.

Question: Vince, what kind of working relationship, if any, do you
have with Paul Heyman of ECW?

WWFLive2: I hear from Paul approximately once every three
months when he wants something. That's the extent of the relationship although, on occasion, I want something from him too.

Question: What next big talent might be coming to WWF. Is Ric Flair on his way?

WWFLive2: If I told you the next big talent who was to arrive on the scene, I would spoil the surprise, however, it's no secret that I would like for Mr. Flair to be in WWF ranks.

Question: Why is RAW taped week after week?

WWFLive2: RAW is live at least twice per month, soon to be more.

Question: Vinnie Mac, what are your concens now that the warrior has joined wcw?

WWFLive2: None! Whose left that wcw can take? Bruno Sammartino?

Question: Mr. McMahon, Are you and Bret Hart in Cahoots against WCW?

WWFLive2: Bret is my secret agent, however, not a very good one!

Question: Mr. McMahon, over the past two years in which WCW peaked
(probably permanently), how sure were you that your new "direction" of the WWF would reclaim it's rightful throne?

WWFLive2: I always feel that creativity coupled with LadyLuck and a very strong work ethic will eventually overcome. Despite overwhelming odds and predatory practices from Ted Turner.

Question: Vince, You must realize that many young children idolize the wrestlers of the WWF. I was wondering if you were at all concerned what the kids were picking up from the middle fingers and sex references from the wrestlers??

WWFLive2: It's the 90's! The WWF is only reflecting what is contemporary in today's society I dare say there are a great deal more middle fingers and sexual references in everyone's life then are portrayed in the WWF.

WWFLive2: Nonetheless, it is every parents discretion as to whether populace watch the WWF or any other TV program on the air.

Question: What are your thoughts on Hawk and his appearance of being drunk?

WWFLive2: Perhaps Hawk should visit Betty Ford.

Question: Vince you need to further improve your light weight division.....the belt seems almost meaningless. How will you improve this?

WWFLive2: Yokozuna is on a diet! Perhaps an influx of Ethiopian talent would be appropriate

Question: Vince, what is your true opinion on Mick Foley? Don't you think he deserves at least a title shot after all he's done to himself for the WWF?

WWFLive2: Mick Foley is one of the most extraordinary human beings on the face of the planet. But sometimes people don't get what they deserve. Although in Mick's case, he might.

Question: Mr. McMahon who in your opinion has the most talent in the WWF?
WWFLive2: Vince McMahon

Question: Where is the patriot?
WWFLive2: The Patriot is where all old patriots go, probably in a VFW home somewhere in South Carolina.

Question: Are you interested in Chris Jericho?
WWFLive2: I'm interested in any young aggressive performer who has the desire to excel.

Question: Mr. McMahon who is your favorite wrestler (active) AND WHY
WWFLive2: George the Animal Steele still wrestles for the independents. Why, because he is older than I am, I admire that.

Question: Vince, are you a fan of South Park? Will we see Golga on there?
WWFLive2: I love South Park! Chef and Cartman are my two favorite characters.

Question: Do you plan on signing randy savage when his contract expires?
WWFLive2: In the year 2032, that might be a little late.

Question: Do you respect Eric Bishoff at all? If so why? If not why?
WWFLive2: As far as a TV performer is concerned, I think he's pretty good, but, I don't know the man personally, I really can't comment.

Question: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON TONY SCHIAVONES COMMENTATING TWO WEEKS AGO WHERE HE INSULTED YOUR MAIN EVENT CONSTANTLY THROUGHOUT NITRO?
WWFLive2: Tony only does what he's told to do.

Question: Will we ever see Bret in the WWF again and have you spoke to him since?
WWFLive2: He might return one day to the WWF, but not at the rate that his skill is deteriorating in WCW.

(The AOL service malfunctions, leaving Vince McMahon alone. Vince McMahon would spend the next twenty minutes waiting for service to resume. It never did. So he typed to himself). This is peak Vince...here we go....inside the mind.....

WWFLive2: We're temporarily frozen, stand by.

WWFLive2: We're coming back up, stay with me.

WWFLive2: I guess we have too damn many people wanting to talk to Mr. McMahon.

WWFLive2: What the hell is going on anyhow??

WWFLive2: This is supposed to be interactive but right now it's a one way street.

WWFLive2: You might even call it the HIGHWAY TO HELL!. In which case, in a role that is unfit for me, likely I would be deemed the devil.

WWFLive2: Hang on everybody, we're still frozen, god it's cold in here. Can we say shrinkage?

WWFLive2: While we're down, I predict that all of my
predictions are likely to be verified this Monday on RAW. Can you
believe that the Undertaker drove off with his brother Kane in a
hearse last Monday. I understand they were last seen on Route
95 heading North.

WWFLive2: Can somebody at AOL please wake the hell up? Is all of America trying to talk to Mr. McMahon?

WWFLive2: We're back, finally!

WWFLive2: No we're not back.

WWFLive2: Why the hell is AOL frozen?

WWFLive2: Damn it, I want to talk to you people.

WWFLive2: More importantly, I want to listen to you.

WWFLive2: But to answer most of your question, I'm feeling fine!

WWFLive2: It's nice that everyone is so concerned with my health and mental well being. I didn't know so many people cared.

WWFLive2: You see while this damn thing is frozen, I can
fantasize all I want. Which brings me to Sable. Wow!! Wait til you
guys see, if you haven't already, some of the new shots of Sable. Truly a classy lady. and a classy chassy to boot. Did I say boot, that's kind of nice too.

WWFLive2: Well I certainly appreciate all of the questions coming over a frozen AOL. Come on Bob Pittman, get your shit together! The one opportunity I have to speak to everybody online and damn el nino strikes again! Or is it nanook of the north?

WWFLive2: You guys remember the pro wrestler Nanook don't you? He worked for Jerry Jarrett in the 60's under an assumed name. Speaking of Jerry Jarrett, wonder how well he's doing selling property.

WWFLive2: He was thought of as the most beloved promoter in the history of the wrestling business, although Kansas City's Bob Gigel ran a close second. What the hell's going on? I'm still frozen! We're crashed.

WWFLive2: She's breaking up, she's breaking up.

WWFLive2: Much like DX might be doing...oops! maybe I shouldn't
have said that.

WWFLive2: I'm having a blast talking to myself. I can't hear you.

WWFLive2: I'm making alot of sense to myself, as I generally do when I am asking and answering my own questions, I'm sure yours would be more provocative:

WWFLive2: Alright AOL. What the hell is going on? You should have known that people want to talk to Mr. McMahon.

WWFLive2: This is really getting nonsensical, if we don't straighten it out soon, I'm going downstairs to the no excuse gym, open 7 days per week, 24 hours a day. My goal is to add another quarter inch to these massive twenty inch guns.

WWFLive2: Speaking of massive, wait til you get a load of a new WWF toy. It's called a BOSS HOSS. It's a 351 cubic inch Chevrolet engine. Fitted between my legs, 0 to 60 in 1 1/2 seconds. It's the ultimate crotch rocket!

WWFLive2: We're talking to AOL now, Susan, who claims that we may have had a problem if more than 5,000 people were trying to get in, no shit, can you imagine that. Like I said before, they just weren't prepared.

WWFLive2: I'm told some of you now can see this monologue.

WWFLive2: It's not a very good monologue.

WWFLive2: Mr. M: But, it's the best I can do at the moment. What I would really like is for AOL to apologize to all of you who have attempted to reach the WWF and yours truly tonight. I would like to
see this apology on the air and in every newspaper.

WWFLive2: I'm sitting in Bill Banks office with a cup of coffee in my hand that's cold, looking up at DX making some sort of gesture toward their crotch, what the hell is the matter with Bill Banks?

WWFLive2: Oops, Bill just told me to suck it!

WWFLive2: What does he mean by that?

WWFLive2: Perhaps Monica can help us out!

WWFLive2: And how about that Chris Rock anyhow.

WWFLive2: Just like he said, Bill Clinton gave Monica a job, oh what the hell you can finish the rest. Speaking of jobs, what would I like to do to AOL at this moment, and who was that cold hearted women, Susan, that I just spoke to from AOL, who asked the questions.

WWFLive2: That's it, I'm looking to get Bob Pitman in the ring. How about it Bob, a Brawl for All, Pittman vs. McMahon. Knowing you, you'd probably cheat to win.

WWFLive2: It wouldn't work, just like this damn AOL isn't working tonight.

WWFLive2: I have now begun to mumble to myself.

WWFLive2: I am boring myself out of my mind.

WWFLive2: Speaking of minds, what about that retarded Mankind?
How gullible is that guy anyhow, you want to talk messed up? I liked him better as Dude. At least Dude would shower regularly.

WWFLive2: Have you guys every smelled that stinky leather mask that Mankind wears. If you're anywhere in the first 10 rows, you have. It wasn't your neighbor flatulating next to you, it was Mankind's mask, Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match?

WWFLive2: If the canvas on the ring had not been changed in the last month. and, Vader has been in the building, there will be an odor. It's Vader Time. That sends shock waves through the WWF lockerroom.

WWFLive2: Well it's almost time for me to go train, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the first five minutes of our chat. which was interactive, just like the WWF will be interactive tomorrow with the hierarchy of AOL.

WWFLive2: If I were you I would demand a Christmas gift, a birthday card, and an autographed picture of Bob Pittman. or Susan whatsherface? who could not solve our problem tonight.

WWFLive2: I've got two words for AOL - SUCK IT!

WWFLive2: Wait a minute, that's Bill Banks line to me earlier, I think he stole it from somebody else.

WWFLive2: I apologize for breathing in and breathing out and wasting your precious time, but, perhaps, we can do it again some other time, when AOL has their shit together.

WWFLive2: Mr. M: In the immortal words of Vince McMahon I hope it was better for you then it was for me. Goodnight.

When @Ryback22 met Rod McMahon; Vince's brother, and told Vince the story.

The Vince's.