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Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
@visakanv
May 26, 2019 • 16 tweets • 4 min read • Read on X
The most powerful IRL interview/conversation/flirting skill isn’t asking good questions nearly as much as asking good followup questions - it’s being sensitive to interesting micro-reactions. When you ask a question and they respond “😂... no”, and you go “Why 😂?” Etc
This is the script of no script, the formula of no formula, you just pay really close attention to the other person in a curious, non-judgmental way without the burden of expectations, and look for anything surprising or interesting - and ask about that in a supportive way
If you do this well, over the course of a conversation you’ll end up asking questions that make them go “huh, nobody’s asked me that before” and “I’ve never really thought of that”, and that often ends up being quite a bonding experience
Little things like “you hesitated for a moment there, why?” can unearth things you wont believe

But you have to do it in a very kind, nurturing and gentle way, or people will get defensive.

You want to be so curious abt people that you make them freshly curious abt themselves
My ex-boss gave me this gift. He was more curious about me than I was about myself. He genuinely wanted to understand my motivations & backstory to a degree that I had stopped caring about, because I didn’t think I merited that much concern. a lot of what I do now is pass that on
Everybody needs this, but imo nobody needs it more than kids. Kids are so used to being pushed around, told what to do, being treated as incomplete humans on probation. Give kids your sincere, attentive curiosity and you will change their lives 5eva

Also kids are fascinating!!!
Kids are fascinating particularly because they haven’t been fully socialized yet. They each still have some weirdness and oddness in them unique to themselves. It’s quite inspiring and humbling to witness if you can
Thinking more, I realize this is abt paying attention to people’s physiological responses & being supportively curious about that. Why did you cringe, why did you flinch? Why did you frown, shudder, laugh, scoff? The body keeps the score. IRL still trumps URL here

Cc @TheAnnaGat
All of that said, if you need a starting question to surface and unearth responses to ask further about, “what is your relationship with X” is my favourite. What is your relationship with fitness? With food? With the internet? Then observe closely
What is the history of your relationship with music? With travel? With leadership? With taking responsibility? Strength? Vulnerability? Fashion? Self-expression? Optimism? Being a public figure? Privacy? Intimacy? Ugh, I am so curious about everything and everyone!! 😂😅🤓❤️
"The best advice is not to tell people what to do, but to ask them the right questions. Find out what's going on in their head, and help them frame that in a way that's useful." –
@gtdguy

proud of this one
pay attention
yup. this effect is greatly heightened by the fact that oftentimes people dont even notice what they themselves are saying

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More from @visakanv

Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Feb 26
favorite subreddit I’ve discovered in a long while, /r/thatsabooklight, where people point out the mundane origins of movie props Image
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a lot of futuristic weapons turn out to be painted toys Image
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a lot of futuristic interfaces turn out to be audio/visual equipment Image
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Read 4 tweets
Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Feb 24
i haven't really bothered to make a deliberate effort to grow my twitter following or to write bangers etc in years, but i still have a clear sense of how to do it and i've advised other people who wanted to do the same, and witnessed them succeed. here are a couple of thoughts
one of the most important things you have to remember, especially if you're still a small account starting out and trying to get more attention, is that people aren't reading your tweets in isolation. your tweets are showing up as a 'beat' on a timeline
so if your tweet is something that's moderately unclear or confusing, or has too many details, or the sentiment is too complex, people's likeliest response is to scroll past it

this changes once people know you, care about you, believe that it's worth the effort to decipher you
Read 10 tweets
Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Feb 21
there’s a thing I often wish I could explain to people… but hilariously, it fits the same pattern I’m trying to explain:

a lot of the most interesting, valuable things you can do are things that have very small windows of opportunity Image
so in the case of matchmaking, a beginner matchmaker might think it’s a matter of finding the best possible people (according to some set of metrics) for the best possible people.

but the expert matchmaker will tell you that actually timing and seasonality etc matter more
in something like football you might think that the player with the most stamina, best striking ability, etc is the strongest

but the guy that scores the most goals is typically the guy who is most sensitive to the situation. Messi famously just walks around the pitch Observing Image
Read 15 tweets
Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Feb 9
one of the oldest stories we have on record is from 1850BC Egypt called "The Eloquent Peasant". It's fairly short yet interestingly complex. i'll try and retell it as quickly and entertainingly as i can

we begin with our boi Khun-Anup, a poor peasant just tryna sell his wares... Image
to get to the market he has to pass thru land that's owned by nobles. ultimately i believe the land is owned by the pharaoh, but it's administrated by the high steward Rensi, who in turn lets it be run by the local goon Nemtynakht... a ~4000yo matryoshka of bureaucracy Image
so anyway. the local goon Nemtynakht is a corrupt mf and decides to rob our boi Khun-Anup. he lays out a cloth across the narrow path, which is in between a river and the goon's private fields of barley.

Khun-Anup is like, pls sir, I can't move, I don't wanna trample your cloth
Read 17 tweets
Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Jan 23
for starters I don’t think you’re selfish for not having children

and kids actually are a joy to have

but if you need a different reason, I really liked what some other couple once said, about wanting to have “a maximum human experience”. I’ll elaborate how I interpreted that
but first again I’ll reiterate that you *don’t* have to have kids. i don’t think it’s something that should be done from a sense of weary obligation. I believe it’s possible to have a meaningful, beautiful life without kids and you should do what feels right for you in your heart
ok so like the first wild thing to me about having kids is that you get to see your own childhood and your own parents from a sort of “exploded perspective” view. it’s like seeing the matrix, the current timeline directly loops over the past and it’s narratively ultra satisfying
Read 16 tweets
Visakan Veerasamy Profile picture
Jan 10
nobody is coming to do an honest audit of your time and energy for you

only you can face the truth of how you are living your life, and whether it’s the life you know in your heart you are actually capable of living
you dont have to do it alone, but nobody else can do it for you
food analogy works decent here

you gotta eat. you dont have to eat alone. but nobody can eat for you

in early childhood we need to be fed

there’s a lot to learn about things like cooking and food prep etc

but nobody can eat for you
Read 5 tweets

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