Dr. Emily Anhalt Profile picture
Aug 15, 2019 11 tweets 2 min read Read on X
Starting therapy is a daunting process and it’s tough to know how it’s supposed to feel.

Here are some things I wish I had known when I started therapy.

[ongoing THREAD]
💬 The first session can feel strange because it’s hard to summarize your life in 50 minutes. There’s no right way to start and it’s ok if it feels a bit awkward. Don’t worry if your therapist doesn’t talk much or ask endless questions - they’re creating space to get to know you.
⛅️ Sometimes you’ll feel worse before you feel better. This is because you’re unearthing pain that you’ve turned away from. Trust that you’re feeling through to something better.
🔁 You will get out of therapy what you put into it. One of the first lessons that therapists learn is not to work harder than the patient. Show up, challenge yourself to be vulnerable, do the work.
🤷🏻‍♀️ Not every session will feel productive. Sometimes it will feel like nothing is happening and you will wonder why you’re there. Stick with it. The really productive sessions are a result of all the seemingly unproductive ones that came before.
😡 The first time you can tell your therapist that you’re mad at them or that they’ve let you down, a new and important kind of work has begun.*

*A good therapist will be able to explore your frustration with them without being defensive or overly apologetic.
🌀 Therapy is meta. The things you are going there to understand will start to happen in the therapy itself. Ex: if you tend to pull away from people when they get close, at some point you will pull away from your therapist too. These moments, if explored, will be transformative.
💕 You will worry that your relationship with your therapist is one-sided because they know more about you than you do about them. It isn’t. Your therapist spends more time with you than they do with most of their own friends & family. They will grow to care deeply about you.
⏳ Change takes time. It took you x number of years to become the imperfect but deeply resilient human you are. It will take more than a few months to shift things. Honor your complexity by being patient and self-compassionate.
🤐 Everyone lies to and hides things from their therapist sometimes. It’s ok. And, if there’s something you really don’t want to tell them, there’s probably a good reason why you should. Therapy is a place where you can think and feel and say ANYTHING. Lean into it.
🕳 When you feel like you have run out of things to talk about, you haven’t. You have hit the bottom of a comfort layer. If you‘re able to tolerate the discomfort & dig underneath, you will discover a whole new realm of things you didn’t even realize you needed to talk about.

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More from @dremilyanhalt

Oct 17, 2022
A thread of people to hang on to:

The friend who tells you the truth even when it’s tough. People who do what they say they’re going to do. Make-you-laugh-so-hard-you-might-pee friends. Those you feel safe to be your strangest self with. Yes-and people. Gentle souls…
Kind people. Pals who brag about you to their pals. Anyone dedicated to pursuing their own growth. The humbly confident. Loved ones who don’t need more from you than you have to give right now. Friends who’ve known and loved you for more of your life than not. Travel buddies…
Slumber party pals. Those who own their mistakes and work hard to do better next time. Enthusiastic lovers. Friends you can cry with. Patient people. Teachers who shift your world view. People who will take jokes too far with you. Transparent communicators. Eccentric dreamers…
Read 4 tweets
Jun 2, 2022
We each see the world through the lens of our own experience. A slight shift in perspective can change everything.

Here are 7 (more) quotes that changed my life 🧵👇
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it. - Maya Angelou

There's no way to know something until you know it. We're so hard on ourselves for being imperfect, evolving beings. Have some compassion for yourself along the way.
Be careful how you talk to yourself, because you are listening. - Lisa Hayes

The way you speak to yourself becomes your reality. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves, "I am good, I am valuable, I am worthy," even if we're not ready to believe it. Over time, it'll take hold.
Read 10 tweets
May 11, 2022
Few things are more comforting than being truly listened to. But most of us have some work to do on our listening skills.

Ready to learn? Here are 7 tips for becoming a better listener 🧵👇
📴 Do...eliminate distractions.

We all know how it feels when someone is only half-listening or checking their phone while we're talking. Put away anything that will pull you away from your conversation.
🤫 Do...listen quietly.

It can really throw off a speaker's flow when they're interrupted (even with affirmations). Show you're present with the expressions on your face instead of words.
Read 9 tweets
Apr 12, 2022
How to Receive Negative Feedback:

Hearing tough feedback is difficult for everyone. No one wants to hear that they’ve messed up or let others down.

But the way you respond will inform what people share with you in the future.

Here are 5 steps for taking it in thoughtfully 🧵👇
1️⃣ Practice giving yourself space between hearing the feedback & responding. When we respond right away, it‘s often from a defensive place.

Give yourself 10 minutes before saying anything (you can say, “I’d like a few minutes to think about that, then let’s talk about it”).
2️⃣ Spend that 10 minutes taking stock of what you’re feeling. Do you feel defensive? Misunderstood? Is it something you’re already working on?

Take a few thoughtful breaths to center yourself and to remember that this feedback is about one facet of you, not all of who you are.
Read 7 tweets
Mar 31, 2022
Being a leader is tough. Being an emotionally intelligent and effective leader is tougher.

Here are 7 things all leaders should get comfortable saying to their teams 🧵👇
1. "I made a mistake."

The "perfect" leader does not prepare their team for an imperfect world. It's more helpful to model handling a mistake with humility and motivation, than it is to never make a mistake at all.

Your team will thank you for being human.
2. "I don't know the answer to that."

The big secret of leadership is that no one knows what they're doing all the time.

It's ok not to know everything, and it's much better to admit that you're unsure than to pretend you have all the answers.
Read 9 tweets
Mar 22, 2022
A slight shift in perspective can change everything.

Here are 7 psych quotes that changed my life 🧵👇
It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found. - Donald Winnicott

Imagine a game of hide and seek, and how quickly the delight and joy of hiding will disappear if you realize that no one is coming to find you.

This is true of our emotional lives as well.
We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. - Anaïs Nin

There is no one universal truth or reality in this world. We each see things through the lens of our own experience, and bring our slightly distorted view to everything we do.
Read 9 tweets

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