A thread of people to hang on to:

The friend who tells you the truth even when it’s tough. People who do what they say they’re going to do. Make-you-laugh-so-hard-you-might-pee friends. Those you feel safe to be your strangest self with. Yes-and people. Gentle souls… Kind people. Pals who brag about you to their pals. Anyone dedicated to pursuing their own growth. The humbly confident. Loved ones who don’t need more from you than you have to give right now. Friends who’ve known and loved you for more of your life than not. Travel buddies…

We each see the world through the lens of our own experience. A slight shift in perspective can change everything.

Here are 7 (more) quotes that changed my life 🧵👇 Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it. - Maya Angelou

There's no way to know something until you know it. We're so hard on ourselves for being imperfect, evolving beings. Have some compassion for yourself along the way.

Few things are more comforting than being truly listened to. But most of us have some work to do on our listening skills.

Ready to learn? Here are 7 tips for becoming a better listener 🧵👇 📴 Do...eliminate distractions.

We all know how it feels when someone is only half-listening or checking their phone while we're talking. Put away anything that will pull you away from your conversation.

How to Receive Negative Feedback:

Hearing tough feedback is difficult for everyone. No one wants to hear that they’ve messed up or let others down.

But the way you respond will inform what people share with you in the future.

Here are 5 steps for taking it in thoughtfully 🧵👇 1️⃣ Practice giving yourself space between hearing the feedback & responding. When we respond right away, it‘s often from a defensive place.

Give yourself 10 minutes before saying anything (you can say, “I’d like a few minutes to think about that, then let’s talk about it”).

Being a leader is tough. Being an emotionally intelligent and effective leader is tougher.

Here are 7 things all leaders should get comfortable saying to their teams 🧵👇 1. "I made a mistake."

The "perfect" leader does not prepare their team for an imperfect world. It's more helpful to model handling a mistake with humility and motivation, than it is to never make a mistake at all.

Your team will thank you for being human.

A slight shift in perspective can change everything.

Here are 7 psych quotes that changed my life 🧵👇 It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found. - Donald Winnicott

Imagine a game of hide and seek, and how quickly the delight and joy of hiding will disappear if you realize that no one is coming to find you.

This is true of our emotional lives as well.

Many people feel uncomfortable accepting compliments.

But a compliment is a gift!

Here are 6 steps for taking one in 🧵👇 1️⃣ Don't refute it.

When someone pays you a compliment, try not to reply with why they’re wrong.

"Great presentation!"
"No no I messed up like five times."

11 magic therapy phrases that are useful for every conversation (and why they work) 🧵👇 As a therapist, I've learned to listen differently.

Rather than jumping horizontally across topics, I try to dig down vertically to get to the (sometimes uncomfortable but deeply important) stuff the hides beneath the surface.

Thank you all so much for 30k!

To appreciate & celebrate, here are 30 of my favorite unconventional ice-breaker questions 🧵👇 A great ice-breaker question can shift an interaction from surface-level small talk to connection-building exploration.

Use these with friends, colleagues, partners, or as self-reflection. They range in level of intimacy - choose the one that's right for your situation:

Imposter Syndrome is feeling like a phony or fraud despite evidence of high achievement.

Sound familiar?

Here are 12 tips for working through your self-doubt 🧵👇 🤔 Remember that you’re in good company.

Most people with competence have some Imposter Syndrome, because they know how much they don’t know. It's the opposite of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

(image by @jessicahagy)

There is a whole lot of Live Laugh Love pop-psychology bullsh*t out there.

Time to bust some myths 🧵👇 Myth: Don’t feed negative thoughts and they won’t grow.

Truth: The buildup of unthought thoughts and unfelt feelings is what causes most of our emotional struggles.

Explore negative thoughts with a compassionate other. And stop telling people to silence themselves.

It's been a tough couple years to be a healthy individual human, let alone a loving romantic partner.

If you're ready for 2022 to be a year of healthy love and attachment, check out these 7 psychological principles & frameworks to help you in your romantic relationships:

🧵💕⤵️ 1️⃣ We want our partners to read our minds and give us everything we need before we even know we need it. Work on switching your relationship mindset from:

I’ll take care of you, if you take care of me.

to:

I’ll take care of me for you, if you’ll take care of you for me.

Do you hate small talk as much as I do?

Instead of small talk, try talking big. Ask thoughtful questions that invite connection. Lean into vulnerability and share yourself with others.

Here are 7 questions you can ask instead of “what’s new with you?” 🧵⤵️ 🧘 What’s one habit you adopted this year that you’re hoping to take with you into 2022?

Follow-up questions: how did you get started with this habit? What has felt good about it? What might make it tough to keep up with?

Thinking about starting therapy? Now is a great time 🛋

Be cautious though - all mental health companies are ✖️not✖️ created equal.

Wondering if a company is of quality and integrity? Here are the questions to ask:

🧵⤵️ Are the people providing services licensed therapists?

I know everyone and their mama is a life coach now, but the process of emotional growth is deeply complicated, and you're going to want to work with someone who's been trained, supervised, and held to ethical standards.

Starting therapy is a daunting process and it’s tough to know how it’s supposed to feel.

Here are 12 things I wish I had known when I started therapy.

🛋️🧵⬇️ 💬 The first session can feel strange because it’s hard to summarize your life in 50 minutes. There’s no right way to start and it’s ok if it feels a bit awkward. Don’t worry if your therapist doesn’t talk much or ask endless questions - they’re creating space to get to know you.

Growing up in Silicon Valley, I’ve always had an interest in the psychology of the entrepreneur. I’ve worked clinically with founders for 11 years, and now, am one myself.

There’s a unique psychological thread that runs through founders. I thought I’d share what that looks like. 💼 Our work is our identity

The line between a founder’s work and personal life is barely visible, as we’ve tied so much of who we are to the success or failure of our company. As such, it might very well be all we think and talk about.

Imposter Syndrome is believing that you are not intelligent or capable despite evidence of high achievement. There is a feeling of phoniness and a fear of being found out or exposed as a fraud.

Sound familiar?

Here are 12 tips for working through your Imposter Syndrome: 🤔 Remember that you’re in good company.

Most people with competence have some Imposter Syndrome, because they know how much they don’t know. It's the opposite of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

(image by @jessicahagy)

How to Receive Negative Feedback:

Hearing tough feedback is difficult for everyone, always. No one wants to hear that they’ve messed up or let others down. But the way you respond will inform what people share with you in the future.

Here’s how to take it in thoughtfully: 1️⃣ Practice giving yourself space between hearing the feedback & responding. When we respond right away, it‘s often from a defensive place.

Give yourself 10 minutes before saying anything (you can say, “I’d like a few minutes to think about that, then let’s talk about it”).

Lots of conversations happening about cancel culture right now. This is an immense, complicated, emotional, and nuanced topic, but I'd like to share my perspective about one small aspect.

Bear with me while I start with a psychological concept... [THREAD] In analytic psychology, there's a type of emotional development that is characterized by a person's ability not to think in extremes - to accept the fact that nothing is all good or all bad.

This is actually quite difficult, and we all tend to have trouble with it.

PSYCHOLOGY MEGATHREAD:

40 of my favorite psychological concepts, introduced as thoroughly as I could manage in 280 characters or less.

These are core human behaviors that play out in all relationships, & are explored through therapy.

Enjoy, ask questions, & add your own! 🧠 Intellectualization: using reason & intellect to avoid feeling our emotions. Intellectualizers are more comfortable with logic & rationality than emotionality and are good at speaking through things without actually feeling them. This can be a strength but also a problem

The ✨epiphanies✨ we have in therapy are almost always a result of the many seemingly unproductive hours of work that came before.

We have to build the safety, ability, and strength over time to know things we’ve worked hard not to know.

Here is one of mine from years ago: I spent most of life feeling like I wouldn’t be able to handle bad things if they happened to me - that I would crumble under the weight of any pain. This caused a lot of anxiety and preoccupation with things I couldn’t control.