R: Democrats need to learn their history! Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and Democrats founded the KKK
NYT: The #1619Project aims to tell the true history of slavery like never before
R: HOW DARE YOU
R: We’re just concerned that the New York Times will distort American history to flatter their audience
TRUMP: THE SIGN ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY REALLY SHOULD READ “NO FREELOADERS”
R: (nodding sagely) It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted
R: I just don’t see what the New York Times has to gain by dredging up old stories about slavery; this will only divide us futher
TRUMP: KING ELIJAH HATES THE BORDER PATROL! BALTIMORE IS A FAILURE! THE SQUAD SHOULD GO BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!
R: Did somebody say something
R: When we say, “learn your history”, we are referring exclusively to isolated factoids that deflect blame onto Democrats & therefore absolve modern Republicans of all accusations of racism
D: Who on Earth would subscribe to such a narrow perspective of history
D’SOUZA: Hello
R: The New York Times is clearly dwelling on past racism expecting Americans to draw parallels to what’s happening now
TRUMP: THE MEDIA IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! GOOGLE CHANGED 16 MILLION VOTES!
D: Don’t worry; I’m sure they’ve long since given up on anyone learning anything
I don’t know if the fabled flight logs to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island will ever revealed to the public.
But there one thing I can tell you: if Donald Trump’s name is on it, Republicans will be fine with it.
If more sordid details emerge, and it is revealed that Donald Trump did in fact have sex with underage girls while on Epstein’s private island, I absolutely guarantee that Republicans will be fine with it.
Does anybody seriously expect this to play out any differently?
🔵: Apprending migrants at will and deporting them without a trial, attacking the press, thumbing your nose at the judiciary and ignoring the Constitution
🔴: Pandemic-related emergency measures such as shutdowns and vaccinations
2. Killing 50,000 Palestinians in response to a single terrorist attack is
🔵: unconscionable and possibly genocidal
🔴: obvious self-defense
3. Dropping bombs on other counties before they can attack Israel is:
TEN LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE FAILURE OF DONALD TRUMP’S BIRTHDAY PARADE
10. This is what happens when you purge the Armed Forces of LGBT people
9. Threatening authoritarian control over multiple U.S. cities is probably not the most effective way to win friends
8. When organizing a parade of this magnitude, make sure that there are no other events competing for the public’s attention such as nationwide protests from the millions of Americans who hate your guts
7. If you’re going to demand a military parade in your honor, make sure you don’t accidentally forget that you dodged the draft sixty years earlier