Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 19, 2019 6 tweets 2 min read Read on X
R: Democrats need to learn their history! Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and Democrats founded the KKK

NYT: The #1619Project aims to tell the true history of slavery like never before

R: HOW DARE YOU
R: We’re just concerned that the New York Times will distort American history to flatter their audience

TRUMP: THE SIGN ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY REALLY SHOULD READ “NO FREELOADERS”

R: (nodding sagely) It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted
R: I just don’t see what the New York Times has to gain by dredging up old stories about slavery; this will only divide us futher

TRUMP: KING ELIJAH HATES THE BORDER PATROL! BALTIMORE IS A FAILURE! THE SQUAD SHOULD GO BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!

R: Did somebody say something
R: When we say, “learn your history”, we are referring exclusively to isolated factoids that deflect blame onto Democrats & therefore absolve modern Republicans of all accusations of racism

D: Who on Earth would subscribe to such a narrow perspective of history

D’SOUZA: Hello
R: The New York Times is clearly dwelling on past racism expecting Americans to draw parallels to what’s happening now

TRUMP: THE MEDIA IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! GOOGLE CHANGED 16 MILLION VOTES!

D: Don’t worry; I’m sure they’ve long since given up on anyone learning anything
D: Why does the #1619Project bother you

R: Because the unifying tenet of modern conservatism is belief that liberals want nothing more than to leverage racial guilt for political gain

D: And why would you be the target of such a campaign

🐸: SEND THEM BACK!

R: I blame the MSM

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

Jan 20
TEN POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR ELON MUSK’S SALUTE AT THE TRUMP INAUGURATION

10. Was awkwardly trying to high-five Donald Trump from several hundred feet away

9. It was a signal to America’s farmers that they officially had the go-ahead to collectively lower the price of eggs
8. Had just swatted a fly that landed on his chest and was trying to aggressively flick it away from his palm

7. Who among us doesn’t fire off a couple of spontaneous “Sieg Heils” when we’re giddy with excitement
6. Was demonstrating his total commitment to Freedom of Speech by emulating the most hated members of American society: the goose-stepping white nationalists
Read 6 tweets
Jan 17
TEN THINGS DONALD TRUMP MIGHT SAY DURING HIS SECOND INAUGURATION ADDRESS

10. He’ll wish a happy birthday to Dr. Martin Luther King, the tireless activist for racial justice who is remembered fondly by all now that he is dead
9. Will express disappointment that Michelle Obama could not be there, as the steam coming out of her ears would provide the rest of the crowd with some badly-needed warmth
8. A special shout-out to the volunteers who helped ensure the ballots were counted fairly and to Elon Musk for working his magic with the tallying software
Read 9 tweets
Jan 10
TEN TANGIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF A PRESIDENT BEING LEGALLY DECLARED A “CONVICTED FELON”

10. Endless opportunities for trolling Republicans currently under the blissful delusion that their President won the electoral vote, the popular vote, and won’t have to spend a day in prison
9. Increasingly tedious reminders from CNN commentators as Trump gathers both houses of Congress for his State of the Union addresses

8. Lively online debates with single-follower MAGA accounts as to whether Convictions In Name Only really count as felony convictions
7. The narrative that the GOP is the “Party of Law and Order” will be grimly undercut in a way that none of their voters will ever notice or acknowledge

6. Constitution remains unclear as to whether a convicted felon is legally allowed to pardon Thanksgiving turkeys
Read 7 tweets
Jan 3
TEN NOTEWORTHY REVELATIONS ABOUT THE “ADRIAN DITTMANN” ACCOUNT

10. Is deeply offended when anyone in his orbit slips up and calls X by its former name “Twitter”

9. Has repeatedly expressed support for deporting immigrants except for the white ones who come from South Africa
8. When a disgruntled Twitter user said he was switching to Bluesky, Dittman mused that he could easily buy them out for a mere billion or two

7. Has called Elon Musk the most selfless, handsome and brilliant philanthropist genius of our era who also has touched real boobs
6. Seems unnaturally obsessed with promoting Tesla products, establishing a colony on Mars, and fighting tooth and nail against any and all normalization of transgender acceptance
Read 6 tweets
Jan 3
Welcome to life in 2025, where the lion’s share of what passes for political discourse consists of Explaining Extremely Obvious Things to People Who Refuse to Listen
- The terrorist in the New Orleans attack was an American citizen & a veteran of the U.S. Army. He was not an illegal immigrant, and this attack had nothing to do with the “border crisis.”

- Trump lies about that kind of thing all the time, but his supporters simply do not care.
- As we have seen throughout the years, Trump simply decides what he wants to be true & declares it as fact, over & over again, until it dominates the conservative echo chamber. This “corroboration” is apparently sufficient to convince the GOP base that Trump was right all along.
Read 8 tweets
Dec 10, 2024
TRUMP VOTERS SPEAK OUT

👷🏻‍♂️: I am a desperate construction worker who was recently laid off from my job. So I’m sure you can all understand why I voted for the gloating vindictive high-school bully who truly hates immigrants
👩🏻‍🦰: I am a suburban homemaker with three children who is struggling with high grocery bills. Therefore, it made the most sense to go back to the racist conspiracy theorist who demands credit for everything good and never accepts responsibility for anything bad
👨🏼‍🏭: I am deeply concerned about the economy, so I had no choice but to vote for the pathological liar who was indicted for 88 felonies and convicted of 34 of them

👨‍💼: I am a loan officer whose wife left me after 13 years. For this, I blame the uppity feminists like Kamala Harris
Read 11 tweets

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