Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 19, 2019 6 tweets 2 min read Read on X
R: Democrats need to learn their history! Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and Democrats founded the KKK

NYT: The #1619Project aims to tell the true history of slavery like never before

R: HOW DARE YOU
R: We’re just concerned that the New York Times will distort American history to flatter their audience

TRUMP: THE SIGN ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY REALLY SHOULD READ “NO FREELOADERS”

R: (nodding sagely) It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted
R: I just don’t see what the New York Times has to gain by dredging up old stories about slavery; this will only divide us futher

TRUMP: KING ELIJAH HATES THE BORDER PATROL! BALTIMORE IS A FAILURE! THE SQUAD SHOULD GO BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!

R: Did somebody say something
R: When we say, “learn your history”, we are referring exclusively to isolated factoids that deflect blame onto Democrats & therefore absolve modern Republicans of all accusations of racism

D: Who on Earth would subscribe to such a narrow perspective of history

D’SOUZA: Hello
R: The New York Times is clearly dwelling on past racism expecting Americans to draw parallels to what’s happening now

TRUMP: THE MEDIA IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! GOOGLE CHANGED 16 MILLION VOTES!

D: Don’t worry; I’m sure they’ve long since given up on anyone learning anything
D: Why does the #1619Project bother you

R: Because the unifying tenet of modern conservatism is belief that liberals want nothing more than to leverage racial guilt for political gain

D: And why would you be the target of such a campaign

🐸: SEND THEM BACK!

R: I blame the MSM

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More from @Dreamweasel

Jul 18
Spotted in the grocery store parking lot. I wonder how the owner knows? Image
TEN WAYS TO TELL THAT YOUR DOG IS A REPUBLICAN

10. Acts irrationally nervous around Haitian immigrants

9. Doesn’t appear terribly concerned about the long-term consequences of raising tariffs
8. Detects no obvious conflict of interest when a sitting U.S. President hawks merchandise from the White House lawn

7. Has, at best, only a dim memory of Donald Trump’s campaign promises to lower the price of groceries and end the war in Ukraine
Read 7 tweets
Jul 8
REPUBLICANS DON’T CARE IF TRUMP DID IT

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
I don’t know if the fabled flight logs to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island will ever revealed to the public.

But there one thing I can tell you: if Donald Trump’s name is on it, Republicans will be fine with it.
If more sordid details emerge, and it is revealed that Donald Trump did in fact have sex with underage girls while on Epstein’s private island, I absolutely guarantee that Republicans will be fine with it.

Does anybody seriously expect this to play out any differently?
Read 16 tweets
Jun 26
P.O.P. QUIZ
(Political Orientation and Perception)
Summer 2025 Edition

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
1. What are some recent examples of fascism?

🔵: Apprending migrants at will and deporting them without a trial, attacking the press, thumbing your nose at the judiciary and ignoring the Constitution

🔴: Pandemic-related emergency measures such as shutdowns and vaccinations
2. Killing 50,000 Palestinians in response to a single terrorist attack is

🔵: unconscionable and possibly genocidal
🔴: obvious self-defense

3. Dropping bombs on other counties before they can attack Israel is:

🔵: an act of aggression
🔴: obvious self-defense
Read 8 tweets
Jun 16
TEN LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE FAILURE OF DONALD TRUMP’S BIRTHDAY PARADE

10. This is what happens when you purge the Armed Forces of LGBT people

9. Threatening authoritarian control over multiple U.S. cities is probably not the most effective way to win friends
8. When organizing a parade of this magnitude, make sure that there are no other events competing for the public’s attention such as nationwide protests from the millions of Americans who hate your guts
7. If you’re going to demand a military parade in your honor, make sure you don’t accidentally forget that you dodged the draft sixty years earlier
Read 8 tweets
May 7
HONESTY IN MESSAGING

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
ZELENSKYY: We need America’s support in protecting Ukraine from Russian aggression

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You

ZELENSKYY: Why are you being so antagonistic?

VANCE: Trump’s the President, So Fuck You

ZELENSKYY: That somehow went even worse than I expected
CARNEY: We look forward to welcoming you to the G7 summit. But I will gently yet firmly inform you that Canada is not for sale

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You

CARNEY: I had really hoped “gently but firmly” would be more effective

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You
Read 14 tweets
Apr 28
A PURELY HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
TRUMP: I should be allowed to shoot Democrats

D: Jesus, the man’s a dangerous lunatic

R: He’s obviously trolling you! 🤣 And you fall for it every time

TRUMP: I’m just saying, the Democrats clearly want me dead, so I should be able to shoot them in self-defense
CNN: Democrats are becoming alarmed that Trump is advocating murder on purely partisan grounds

FOX: Once again, liberal snowflakes are taking Trump’s lighthearted one-liners way too seriously

NYT: Trump’s website is now selling hats that read I’D RATHER BE SHOOTING DEMOCRATS
Read 12 tweets

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