‘Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands and what can he have more but the kingdom?
And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.’ 1 Sam 18
2. David, the adulterous king
‘David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?
And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her’ 2 Sam 11
3. Solomon, the idolatrous king
‘Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon.’ 1 Kings 11
4. Rehoboam, the petty and vindictive king
‘My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.’ 1 Kings 12
5. Jeroboam, the king who was an appalling judge of character.
‘Jeroboam returned not from his evil way, but made again of the lowest of the people priests of the high places: whosoever would, he consecrated him, and he became one of the priests of the high places.’ 1 Kings 13
5. Ahab, the sulking king.
‘Ahab came to his house displeased because of the word which Naboth had spoken to him: for he had said, I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers. And he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread.’ 1 Kings 21
6. Jehu, the king most associated with pee.
‘I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel:’ 2 Kings 9
7. Menahem, the king in the pocket of a foreign leader
‘And Pul the king of Assyria came against the land: and Menahem gave Pul a thousand talents of silver, that his hand might be with him to confirm the kingdom in his hand.’ 2 Kings 15
8 Hoshea, the king who allowed child sacrifice and his own people to be imprisoned
‘they left all the commandments of the Lord their God, And they caused their sons and their daughters to pass through the fire’ 2 Kings 17
So yeah, in short, ‘King of Israel’ is a title with quite a lot of baggage (and that’s before we get into Messianic overtones). I’m not sure why anyone would want to own it but, hey, if that cap fits, wear it Don.
Visited my favourite cafe in Istanbul today- I have others that are more ‘authentic’ or otherworldly or glamorous- this one, the Palatium is all pixelated photos of kebabs on menus and lukewarm pina coladas. However, the people who work there are sublime and, it has a secret.
Underneath the tables, chairs and hookahs of the Palatium Cafe are the most preserved remains of the The Great Palace- the power centre of Byzantine Constantinople at its height.
The stairs down are relatively rickety but the scale and the tell tale Byzantine brick is a sure sign something interesting is down there, even if it looks a bit like an abandoned well.
Been having a look at the official logos of Tory leadership hopefuls and now feel sufficiently informed to judge them.
Number 1- Penny Morduant. Looks like a logo for an accountancy firm where the senior partner also spends their weekends taking part in re-enactments of the Battle of Waterloo.
Number 2- Rishi Sunak. The logo of the first (and so far only) sushi restaurant in a former Soviet satellite state.
Seeing as it’s in the news I’m going to speculate wildly about what past Prime Minister’s Christmas parties would have been like based purely on their vibes.
May: meticulously planned (6:23pm- Mini Mince pies go into oven. 6:26pm- Philip presses shuffle on Classic FM Xmas playlist), but actually disastrous. Someone would be electrocuted by the tree, Philip Hammond would be given a swirlie by a visiting carol singer etc.
Cameron: absolutely unbearable. The sort of Christmas party your smug brother in law would give. When someone spills mulled wine on a carpet, every attendee would be sent 1/100th of the cleaning bill but when a nativity set figure is used to cut cocaine, no one bats an eyelid.
Really strong ‘Alien addressing the child who took it in for one last time before it returns to its home planet’ vibes to Trump’s farewell speech.
Vital, in the midst of it all, not to forget the astonishingly weird way in which that man used the English language. Utterly utterly bizarre.
These photos prove my belief that the Trump administration was at the exact intersection between the USA’s two dominant aesthetics- American Gothic and American Camp.
For once the ‘On the Buses’ reference wasn’t me! (the HMS Pinafore one was). Also absolutely 10/10 mock up of Blair’s would be inauguration by @alexschristian
Think the idea of Prime Ministerial Pardons is my favourite bit- can you guess which pardons belong to which PM?