Aside from your crème brûlée not being crunchy enough or your helicopter-limousine's wet bar being insufficiently stocked, when the fuck have you ever faced even a millisecond of discomfort in your entire entitled life?
1. Calling it a "swab" conjures up visions of a Q-Tip, which is wrong. It's far more like one of those plastic, serrated toothpicks.
2. The test wasn't as bad as I had expected (disclaimer: wife says was worse than she had)
3. But...
1/8
The only word to describe the overall experience is "dystopian."
Like, Disney from hell.
To be absolutely clear... the people were amazing, warm, calming and I couldn't be more thankful.
But the experience? It was the stuff of science fiction nightmares of my youth.
2/8
First, there is the gate and the masked officer who was NOT, in fact, just waving hi to me as I initially thought. He verifies you have an appointment before you enter the maze of orange traffic cones that lies ahead like I hadn't seen since getting my learner's permit.
3/8
I lost my dad 5 years ago. He lost his when he was 14. This picture of him (far left) with my grandma and my uncles is something else.
1/
My uncle Paul passed many years ago. Try to tell me he couldn't have been a movie star. Instead, he went to Vietnam. He returned and was never the same.
2/
On top of his severe PTSD, he suffered a bad motorcycle crash and lived the rest of his life riddled with paranoia, anxiety disorders, and even the kids at my summer camp knew him as "the crazy guy." They weren't shy about saying that to me either.
As we all watch @JoeNBC & @morningmika clutch their pearls over the #Nats fans last night, let's just recall a few of their better moments that brought us to where we are.
@JoeNBC@morningmika 2. Hillary was just a big fat liar about her secret email server...
@JoeNBC@morningmika 3. That time Joe said Hillary was wrong to seek recounts, but Trump was just fine having questioned the validity of the results... before the results were in.