Thread by @HNIJohnMiller

Today, I want to start a new Twitter thread series, because I'm bored and I think we need more humor in the world.

And so, I would like to present:

BIGGEST FLEXES OF THE TRUMP ERA

(If @flatanimals wants to return and do up a proper graphic, I would again worship him forevs)

For those of you unaware, a 'flex' is a display of your outright dominance over something or someone, usually intended strictly for putting someone who was acting a complete fool in their place.

As an example, I would like to present to you the largest flex in human history:

Donald Trump winning the 2016 presidential election.

"But how is that a flex Kyle?" You might ask.

Well normally a win for one of the maddest of mad lads in American history wouldn't be a flex...

Except for the fact that for all of 2016 Hillary and the Democrats had been flexing on America, declaring Hillary had literally a 99% chance of winning with an electoral and popular vote blowout the likes of which had never been seen independent.co.uk/news/world/ame…

Until THE MAD LAD GOD EMPEROR OF THE UNITED STATES proceeded to take the accumulated flexes of the Democrats from the entirety of 2016, roll them up in a joint, and smoke them so hard in a flex for the ages he made entire news rooms collapse in agony

The sheer existential terror and agony caused by Donald Trump's election night flex was so severe youtube had to COMPLETELY CHANGE THEIR ALGORITHMS to hide the news room meltdowns that occurred on election night and proliferated the site

youtube.com/results?search…

So thorough was the butchering of their site's algorithms by this hydrogen bomb of a flex that even searching for one of the youtube videos BY EXACT NAME pushes it down to the fifth video from the top.

youtube.com/results?search…

So that's just an example of the kinds of flexes that I will be covering in this Twitter series.

👏 FIRST 👏 FLEX

First flex is Trump's ENTIRE FOREIGN POLICY

'Member this? Course you 'member this.

Trump's foreign policy is such that even the *cough* 'highly erudite logic and facts *cough* of Ben Sharpie Ballsacks doesn't understand it, because that would require high Ameritosterone levels and low soy content. dailywire.com/news/16715/thr…

So confused were the think tanks and pundits and talking heads who'd been living on soy-infused lattes and tofu salads for 8 years that it took a mad lad from within the Trump administration to finally spell it out for them. theatlantic.com/politics/archi…

'The best distillation I heard came from a senior White House official. I said that I thought it might perhaps be too early to discern a definitive Trump Doctrine.

“There’s definitely a Trump Doctrine.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“The Trump Doctrine is ‘We’re America, Bitch.’”'

Imagine if you will a foreign policy based around flexing so hard that the minds of invertebrate humanoids have not developed enough to understand it have to have it spelled out for them only for them to go apoplectic when they finally get the answer they couldn't logic out alone

Simply the IDEA of a foreign policy around the understanding that the world owes its continued existence to freely shit on each other to America and America alone, and finally exploiting that debt, is such a flex that it encompasses nearly every foreign policy flex thereafter

Such as this 👏 NEXT 👏 FLEX

I am speaking of course about one of Donald Trump's most recent flexes, CANCELLING A STATE VISIT TO DENMARK because they told us that Greenland which is 50 times larger than the entire landmass of Denmark wasn't for sale.

Unless you're China.

defensenews.com/global/europe/…

To which Donald Trump, in the LARGEST FLEX OF THE WEEK, says, "That's cool fam, I only wanted to visit you because Greenland is the only cool thing you guys have, I guess there's no reason to talk," and then SNUBS DENMARK BY CANCELLING THE STATE VISIT.

archive.is/keKf9

Critics accuse this of being a temper tantrum by Trump, which is STOOPID, because no one's given a shit about Denmark since they found out that the show Vikings wasn't actually being filmed there.

Instead, Trump's going to invite Australia over for beers. thehill.com/homenews/admin…

If you want to talk about flexes, telling a country to its face that they're so WORTHLESS that the only thing they have worth talking about is an autonomous super-island that they have to pay buttloads of welfare money to the residents of is a YUUUUUUUUGE flex.

Because:

This is before we get into the MASSIVE FLEX that is we are so rich despite buying the world's shit for literally DECADES that we're STILL rich enough to buy ENTIRE FUCKING COUNTRIES.

Ben Wa Ballspiro couldn't be reached for comment as he was busy injecting soy into his taint.

And now, for the 👏 LAST 👏 FLEX

North Korea has been doing everything it could to try to get Donald Trump to pay attention to it, not realizing that Donald Trump already got everything he wanted in his LARGEST FLEX IN ASIAN HISTORY

What is the LARGEST FLEX IN ASIAN HISTORY you might ask?

Proving North Korea, despite all of the propaganda they have pushed out for decades, is not in fact Mordor, and simply WALKED INTO North Korea cnbc.com/2019/06/30/rtr…

But that isn't even the true FLEX, though a FLEX it may be! (Aragon could not be reached for comment, due to Sean Bean also being busy injecting soy into his taint, unwisely sharing a needle with Benjie Sharpei)

The TRUE FLEX has been that Trump has simply shrugged off every missile test North Korea has launched since that meetin, because he admits what everyone already knows: it doesn't matter how many missiles North Korea tests, NONE OF THEM ARE AN ACTUAL THREAT

https://twitter.com/W7VOA/status/1157013867412819969

"Hey, those are some nice Dongs you're firing off there Kim JongdashiUn, too bad I'm too busy to actually notice them until a reporter asks me about them, since they're so pointless I didn't even ask you to stop testing them."

https://twitter.com/W7VOA/status/1157023561363705856

Insert the entire MSM going ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT... AGAIN... because Trump's foreign policy FLEXES are SO HARD that they can't even keep lying and scaring everyone about there being a foreign policy crisis; they even tried to make a wikipedia page about it! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017%E2%8…

Instead, Trump simply walked into North Korea like some kind of 6 foot tall orange hobbit, rubbing his balls on the nuclear reactor they keep at Mount Doom, and then ignoring North Korea ever since then no matter how many high school rocket projects they launch into the sea.

That's it for the flexes today, hope you enjoyed. Feel free to reply with EVEN MORE EPIC FLEXES for them to be included the next time I do one of these threads.

/end